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dazdnconfused · Dec 13, 2011, 03:09 PM

I know my question is much like every second persons, but I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years now, and live together and have so for about 3 years but my problem is that my feelings towards another has only been getting stronger.

I've known this other girl for about 10 years, and asked her out before I started dating my current girlfriend, but we were both young, and she said no. I get along better with this other girls family, I've played team sports with then for years and I'm more mentally, and physically more attracted to her then my current partner.

I know for a fact that our feelings are mutual, and she tells me she wishes she didn't turn me down all those years ago. I don't know what to do because I love my current partner and have shared so many things together, but it's getting so mentally straining on me. What should I do?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 13, 2011, 03:11 PM

If you are truly committed to the lady you are living with, leave this other woman alone.

dazdnconfused · Dec 13, 2011, 03:16 PM

It's not that easy when I've fancied this other girl since before I knew my current partner

My current partners parents have never really liked me and are divorced and we share nothing in common where as this other girls family has always been a 2nd family to me and I enjoy being around all of them

Homegirl 50 · Dec 13, 2011, 03:24 PM

Then you need to be honest with the woman you are living with. Be honest and fair to her because you are deceiving her.

talaniman · Dec 13, 2011, 05:33 PM

Its real simple, unless you, and your partner have an understanding of being in an open relationship, then you are messing with someone behind your partners back, and that's cheating. Further you probably have to lie about where you are and who you are with and that makes you a lying cheater, and should tell your partner the truth and leave immediately and chase this other girl if that's what you want to do.

Its already unfair, and crosses the lines of good behavior any way, so at least give your partner of 6 years the courtesy, and respect of leaving, and not continue this deception. The rest of your excuses don't matter at all, and all that does is you stop the lying and cheating and be honest and do the right thing for you both.

We cannot control having feelings for others, but we damn sure CAN control what we do about those feelings, and you have already crossed the lines of good behavior. So leave, because being cheated on is a very hurtful, and humiliating thing to put someone through. Selfish, and dishonest.

vanheart · Dec 13, 2011, 06:08 PM

What do you want?

That's the real question.

Be honest with yourself & your partner.

If I were your girlfriend, I wouldn't be too happy.
Who wants someone that wants someone else?

dazdnconfused · Dec 13, 2011, 07:54 PM

I don't lie to my current partner she knows I hang out wit her as a friend as I always have, as I mentioned I'm good friends with the family

LuckyChucky13 · Dec 13, 2011, 10:53 PM

Dazdnconfused,

It's your guilt of letting your current girlfriend down and fear of hurting her - because she's good to you - that's stopping you from doing what it is you already know you want to do. You're 'more mentally and physically' attracted to the other girl, so it's just a matter of time before things go further between the two of you, especially since your feelings for this other girl have been existent all these years (more so lately, but still there). If you see a future with the other girl, you need to be honest with your girlfriend - and yourself - and set her free. But before you jump into a relationship with the other girl, give yourself time to get over the first girl, because even you feel like you're ready to move on, 6 years is a long time and I guarantee that there will be some things - many things - that you will miss about the first girl.

When people are in a relationship with someone and start looking elsewhere it's because they feel unfulfilled (whether emotionally, physically, mentally, etc... ). This other girl not only remained a part of your life but is now telling you she feels the same way about you. She's telling you - indirectly - that she wants to be with you and that should you feel like you want to make that decision, she'll be waiting with open arms. I fear that she will only get more attractive to you as time passes and you may cross the line one day and do something you'll regret.

Best to give yourself some alone time and think about what you appreciate in both women and 'see' where you will be with either of them in, say, 5 or 10 years. Take the time you need to make what is otherwise a very hard decision.

Good luck bud.

vanheart · Dec 13, 2011, 11:52 PM

"I don't lie to my current partner she knows I hang out wit her as a friend as I always have, as I mentioned I'm good friends with the family
"

Does your GF know you would rather be with her?

I guess lying is relative. Huh?

To yourself, mostly.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2011, 05:34 AM

Let me be clear, hanging out with a friend whom you see as a better partner, without letting your current partner in on this is CHEATING, and lying.

I get falling for a friend, I just don't get deceiving your partner. If your feelings have changed, shouldn't they KNOW that from you?

How would you like it if your partner was feathering their next bed to bounce to?

dazdnconfused · Dec 14, 2011, 06:30 AM

When I know what's happening she'll know... I don't want to say anything until I'm certain what is actually happening.. Ur making me look like a bad guy when I'm not, I wouldn't of asked for help in sorting out my emotions otherwise.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 14, 2011, 08:17 AM

What is happening is you are deceiving your girl friend
You need to leave her or let this other woman go. Does this girl's family know your are living with a woman? Why are you spending so much time with them?

talaniman · Dec 14, 2011, 11:53 AM

Sort your emotions out without this other girl. Not only is she distracting you with temptation, she is heavily influencing your judgement. Deal with your partner, the one you are with, and resolve your home, either go or stay, and not just rebound from one to another.

Why the deception? Or is it you have no intention of leaving one until you are sure of the other? That's cheaating. Somebody always gets hurt when there is cheating going on, and being confused about your feelings is NO excuse for cheating on a long term partner.

That's also selfish of you, as you try to take the easy way out, instead of doing what's right.