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vikki83 · Nov 26, 2011, 06:08 AM

My partner and I have been together for 3 year, and have an 8 month old child. We used to have sex all the time, but over the last year I'm lucky if I get it once a month. I'm 28 and I caught him texting a 39 year old woman telling her he loved her. He says its not what I think and that it was just an ego boost because she showed interest.

But I just don't know what's going on. He sleeps on the settee cause he says he likes to fall asleep watching TV. I have put weight on but he says that don't bother him, and he does still grope me when we're messing about, but it never goes any further. I'd like to think he's not cheating but I'm not so sure, he's told me he wants to get married next year and that he wants to try for another baby. Would he say that if he was seeing someone else?

I'm so confused. I love him and I don't want to end it without proof in case he's not, but how can I find out? I hate how he"s making me feel about myself. I've always had low self confidence and now I feel like I'm losing the bit I had left.

NailTech · Nov 26, 2011, 08:59 AM

Talk to him instead of try to argue (if you are) and see why he is not interested in having sex with you. May just be the stress of a new baby.

talaniman · Nov 26, 2011, 05:53 PM

I think after a life changing event like having a baby, it's a challenge for a couple to re establish the bond back, through honest communications and getting adjusted to the new addition in the house.

Its no longer about just lust, and physical love, but giving each other time and attention by being able to talk and rebuild other areas of your relationship.

Tell him that you feel bad about yourself and need love and attention as you heal from child birth. Few men know the toll it takes on a females mind body, and soul, or the effects of sharing a female with this new child has on a mans head.

You have to work together to understand and help each other.

vikki83 · Nov 29, 2011, 02:54 AM

But do you think from what I've said that he's having an affair? We don't argue but I never know what mood he's going to be in, sometimes he's playfull and then others he barely speaks to me. How can I find out if he's seeing this woman or just texting her for the attention? He says he ain't met up with her but if he's spent no time with her how can he tell her he loves her and yet at the same time tell me he wants to get married and try for another baby?

NailTech · Nov 29, 2011, 10:12 AM

but do you think from what I've said that es having an affair? We don't argue but I never no what mood es going to be in, sometimes es playfull and then others e barely speaks to me. How can I find out if es seeing this woman or just txtin er for the attention? E says e ant met up wi er but if es spent no time wi er ow can e tell er e loves er and yet at the same time tell me e wants to get married and try for another baby

Don't assume that he is having an affair just because you aren't having sex. It just seems that there is a communication problem.

JudyKayTee · Nov 29, 2011, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by vikki83

I'm 28 and I caught him texting a 39 year old woman telling her he loved her. He says its not what I think and that it was just an ego boost because she showed interest. .

I think texting another woman (no matter what age), telling her that he loved her IS cheating.

I would ask him calmly what is going on. Presumably you talk about other problems in your relationship. Ask him about this problem.

BUT, AGAIN - texting another woman that he loves her? Seems strange and like cheating to me.

talaniman · Nov 29, 2011, 12:46 PM

Nobody can say what he is doing but if you cannot talk to each other this relationship fails any way right? While its hard to trust someone's bad behavior, you better talk to him and see for yourself whether you believe him or not.

I think he has done the sexting thing enough times to be put in serious check, if not dumped completely. Don't let him half step and tell you one thing and do another for sure, because if you allow bad behavior, you are sure to get it no matter what the situation is.

JudyKayTee · Nov 29, 2011, 01:11 PM

I will add that "trying for another baby" under these circumstances is a guaranteed recipe for disaster.

mmresd · Nov 29, 2011, 01:21 PM

Either you trust him or you don't, you don't "find out" anything. If you cannot trust him, then there is no relationship in which case you should end the relationship whether he is cheating. Now if you choose to trust him, then you forget about what happened and continue your relationship the way it is. As far as sex goes, maybe he just don't have a high sex drive like you? Talk to him.

vikki83 · Dec 2, 2011, 06:11 AM

We talked about everything the other night and think wev sorted a lot. E said if id av read the texts before the " i love u " one then id av seen that they were messing about. Es now deleted er number. He opened up and told me a lot that's been bothering him and e said e didn't realise ow hurt I was by the text thing because e nu there were nowt in it. We also discussed the sex issue and because I've put weight on I've been covering up and been really self conscious, e says that me covering up and been self conscious isn't a turn on and that e doesn't care what size I am because its me as a person that e loves. I'm not going to forget the texting but I'm also not going to let it dominate my mind. I think I can trust him and I no from what es told me of his childhood e seems to crave attention so I've told him that just because sumone shows an interest dunt meen e has to text them for the attention and ego boost and that e should be coming to me for that. Things av been a lot less strained since we spoke