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ivkr23 · Oct 30, 2011, 08:49 PM

We have been friends since 8 years now. This really shocked me, I didn't know what to do or what to say. But part of me wasn't impressed, he's such a tease. I remember when we were abroad, and saw someone like weird girls or priests coming by, he would hold my hand and come close to my face to simulate he wanted to kiss me. He would play with people also, by seducing them doing weird stuff, like faces. Once, when were alone in a room, he hugged me by behind and threw me to the bed with him, kiss my cheek and hug me, saying me to never leave him. I felt weird but didn't say anything because I thought that was part of his nature, that he didn't meant it in a romantical way, plus I thought he was sad, because of what he said. But he does alike stuff often and tells me I'm cute.

Now, one night, like 3 days ago, I went to his home, a cute sleepover and when we were in his room, he takes out alcohol, saying to me that it has an wonderful, you didn't even feel the alcohol. In other words, he got me drunk, and he started looking at me, then he hugged me, and ran his hands all over my chest. I was dizzy, so I laid still, and then he kissed me. We were on it for two minutes, to stop and start over.

Then after and embarrassing long time, I told him to stop and I fell asleep. And the following days he didn't act like nothing happened, he kept on and tried to seduce me, kissing me, etc. I really love him, he has been there for me forever, I really don't want to end this friendship, but I don't want to stay like this. Now I even don't know what I feel. I've come to think about it, and maybe I helped in this too, maybe I wanted it to. Deep inside I want everything back to 6 years ago, when everything was normal. I think he's using me, that he wants to feel how is it with other guys.

I admit he's handsome and even I started doubting myself (mostly because of his advances), but I want to be friends, just that, something else would ruin us completely. What do I do? Is there any hope for our friendship?

shufford1 · Oct 31, 2011, 08:22 AM

Sounds to me like he has some respect boundaries. Ask him if he has feelings for you that are more than beyond friendship. Seems to me he does but he can't communicate them other than sexual. Very weird. Communicate how you feel about the situation. Tell him you don't want to lose his friendship but that you don't feel that way towards him.

JudyKayTee · Oct 31, 2011, 10:08 AM

I'd be MORE worried about the getting you drunk (and unless he used a funnel you are responsible for your own drinking) and running his hands all over your body and less worried about the kissing.

He has assaulted you whether you like to think of it in those terms or not.

He is most definitely NOT your best friend. Best friends protect each other, don't take advantage of each other and most of all don't physically assault each other.

Run!

JudyKayTee · Oct 31, 2011, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by shufford1

Sounds to me like he has some respect boundaries. Ask him if he has feelings for you that are more than beyond friendship. Seems to me he does but he can't communicate them other than sexual. Very weird. Communicate how you feel about the situation. Tell him you don't want to lose his friendship but that you don't feel that way towards him.

Not going to give you a "not helpful" but did you read that he got her drunk (agreed, nobody "gets" someone else drunk. It's a matter of participation) and then physically assaulted her? I note that you post as a "Christian woman." I'm rather surprised that you don't find the running of his hands over her "chest" to be an assault.

Yes, that's weird, beyond weird. It's also illegal. I have stepdaughters. This guy is WAY out of bounds. I also think he's dangerous.

This is not how friends behave and I wouldn't hesitate to lose his "friendship" before she ends up badly used, betrayed and possibly pregnant.

mmresd · Oct 31, 2011, 12:24 PM

Tell him how you feel, if he is a good friend he will understand and will remaining your friend, if you actually feel something for him though, it wouldn't hurt for you to give someone you know so well a chance right?

twinkiedooter · Oct 31, 2011, 01:42 PM

From what I read this is a guy, not a girl. Since he said I think he's using me, that he wants to feel how is it with other guys That does not sound like a girl posting here.

But nevertheless, this guy was sexually assaulted by his alleged friend.

If OP does not wish to engage in any homosexual activities I would suggest that they strongly end this relationship before he really gets too emotionally involved with this other guy and gets hurt.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 31, 2011, 01:49 PM

It does sound like another guy which would better explain the "cute sleep over" they were having. Also not sure of the ages, since at 14 you have cute sleep overs but at 22 you don't really do that. You may crash at a friends, or you plan a sexual staying the night.

But it sounds like the one guy had it all planned, had the drink, and he had his plan of what this sleep over was suppose to be all about. And it sounds like he thought the OP was in agreement to this, since he went there, went with him to the bed room and got drunk.

Real fear of rape happening in my book

JudyKayTee · Oct 31, 2011, 01:52 PM

I was reading female with male friend. Good catch on Twinkie's part - followed by FrChuck who apparently also "caught it."

Either way - assault. Rape. Run.

Good point about "cute sleepover." I couldn't tell you the last time I was invited for a "cute sleepover." I need to get out more.

tickle · Oct 31, 2011, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'd be MORE worried about the getting you drunk (and unless he used a funnel you are responsible for your own drinking) and running his hands all over your body and less worried about the kissing.

He has assaulted you whether you like to think of it in those terms or not.

He is most definitely NOT your best friend. Best friends protect each other, don't take advantage of each other and most of all don't physically assault each other.

Run!

Had to spread rep, Judy. This entire situation posted is just so WRONG in so many ways. She has to run so fast the other way NOW.

Tick

Fr_Chuck · Oct 31, 2011, 02:10 PM

Wish I could take credit for the catch, just follow up on twinkledottle

jamie1464 · Oct 31, 2011, 02:32 PM

THE OP IS A GUY

I'm glad to help in it. It is very unlikely at least for me to him doing all that to a woman. Usually as far as I know men don't go this way with woman.

I also have my questions about the 'cute sleepover'. I really hope it is what I think and you meant by cute an innocent sleepover in which you both did nothing else than eat, play ps3 and watch TV, but it happened a freaky thing that led you dissapointed. Please, tell me I'm correct.

I agree with the first comment, maybe he loves you, but can't show it in a non-sexual way. Or he is really needed and wants to play, you told us he was a tease. I recommend to talk with him, eplain what you want for both and put some limits. He might have thought you wanted this because you let him do you all that stuff, I understand you, not judging.

JudyKayTee · Oct 31, 2011, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by jamie1464

THE OP IS A GUY

I'm glad to help in it. It is very unlikely at least for me to him doing all that to a woman. Usually as far as I know men don't go this way with woman..

I disagree - it is not uncommon for a man to try to persuade a woman to drink too much and then proceed to touch/fondle/assault her.

I am not positive enough that the OP is a "guy" in order to print it in bold. Hopefully the OP will come back and clarify.

jamie1464 · Oct 31, 2011, 03:15 PM

You got me wrong JudyKayTee, I meant it in a long-term, not just one night, because of couse that happens. Usually there's more trust with people of the same sex, I have friends who tease each other like calling each other handsome and throwing kisses, but they never, as I have seen done that to a woman, get me? It's just a game, reason why the OP did not take action, because he thought it was game. But I could be wrong, I just commented to clear things out.

tickle · Oct 31, 2011, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

Tell him how you feel, if he is a good friend he will understand and will remaing your friend, if you actually feel something for him though, it wouldn't hurt for you to give someone you know so well a chance right?

Not a good friend obviously. He is taking advantage of a frIendship in the worse possible way. It has gone passed conversation and into the twilight zone