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shufford1 · Oct 24, 2011, 07:21 PM

I am a 48-year-old Christian woman who has never been married. I recently dated a divorced man for the 1st time for about 2 months. We met on a non-Christian dating site. We hit it off immediately. We are very much alike: both funny and outgoing - people notice us when we are out together. He constantly has mentioned how attracted he is to me both physically and mentally. He is a Christian as well and has only been divorced since 04/2011.

I've read all these posts about men (and women) just stop communicating. Well, guess what, he stopped. I had not heard from him for about a week which was not the norm in the relationship. We talked about 4-5 times a week. So I just decided to write a mass distribution email about my foot surgery that I had about 2 weeks ago, just see if he would respond. He did. He said he'd pray for me and then talked about random stuff and at the end of the email (which he did a lot) he said "Be at peace, Scheila".

I'm not pining over him really. I'm just curious for future relationships about divorced men. This guy is 51 years old. And was married for 19 years AND has 2 teenagers, so I know he's got some stuff to work out. But I did not see this coming. Can you give me a clue (cause I think everyone should have at least one!) as to why he [left things this way.] I have a lot of ideas but I'd like to hear some from the "experts" or those with the experience. Thanks.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 24, 2011, 07:58 PM

First, are you sure he was divorced, not just lying, or perhaps separated and went back ?

But also, it is common esp on internet dating, to be dating several people at a time, and perhaps he found someone else he wanted to spend more of his time with. And had trouble telling you.

shufford1 · Oct 24, 2011, 09:13 PM

Thank you Father. I know he is divorced but I'm sure he is most likely seeing others. Thanks for your response.

JudyKayTee · Oct 31, 2011, 10:11 AM

If my math is correct he began dating you about 4 months after he got divorced. That is way to soon for him to begin another relationship. It's been my experience that going through a divorce is one thing. Being separated is another thing. That final divorce is a whole new ballgame.

I don't like mass emails. Maybe that turned him off. Your relationship turned into a news announcement.

shufford1 · Oct 31, 2011, 03:25 PM

Thank you for your response JudyK. Your relationship turned into a news announcement? I'm not following.
He had already broken the pattern of communication. I don't have ANY problem sending a mass announcement to fellow Christians to pray for my surgery. I really don't think he took offense to that, but thanks again for your response and your "support".

JudyKayTee · Oct 31, 2011, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by shufford1

Thank you for your response JudyK. Your relationship turned into a news announcement? I'm not following.
He had already broken the pattern of communication. I don't have ANY problem sending a mass announcement to fellow Christians to pray for my surgery. I really don't think he took offense to that, but thanks again for your response and your "support".

I only know what you posted which was: "I just decided to write a mass distribution email about my foot surgery that I had about 2 weeks ago, just see if he would respond." I see nothing about asking for prayers. I trust you bcc'd him instead of releasing his email address to other people. I would be (and often was) turned completely off by suddenly being included in "mass mailing announcements" to a list of friends with MY email address visible. Suddenly I was getting reponses to the original person's email from all of the friends/acquaintances who simply responded to everyone.

My quote support quote? Post on a public board and you get answers you may not want. You asked why he didn't contact you. I told you why I think he may not have contacted you. Sorry you didn't find my answer supportive. What did you expect to hear? That he missed out on the greatest thing in life since sliced bread?

He would in most cases be making a mistake for both himself AND YOU by getting into a serious relationship when his divorce is so fresh. He left things "this way" because he didn't want additional contact and didn't have the courage (or class) to tell you. On the other hand if you were not "exclusive" I don't know that he owed you any explanation.

Did he introduce you to his children, something that would indicate he was serious about the relationship.

If you wanted emotional support, that should have been your question. I thought you wanted an opinion on why someone you met on line hasn't responded back to you.