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jrock39 · Feb 2, 2007, 06:08 PM

I work with a female I dated about 6 months ago ,we began sharing the same break table when we started dating .When the relationship ended (by my hand) she continued to come back and sit with me .I decided to try again with her because the first time I ended it I was afraid of getting to close which we were .I felt like that she really cared for me because she didn't go sit anywhere else .This break table is isolated and away from everyone else so we are alone .About three months ago I expressed my desire to start over again ,she said she didn't trust me and that we needed to start by being friends again .I have only been to her house once since that time .The other day our relationship came up and she said she had no feelings for me because I destroyed them but was halfway smiling when she said that ,I was hurt .I have been super nice trying to win her back .I then ask her why do you sit with me everyday if you have no feelings for me she bumbled through words and couldn't give me an answer.. My question is did she really mean it ?Women say one thing and mean another... please help

LAB · Feb 2, 2007, 06:40 PM

Jrock

Sounds like to me... personally, she is messing with your head. I might turn the tables a little bit. Try not to act like you are interested so much. Maybe she will appreciate you more if you are not so "available!" :) Distance makes the heart grow fonder! Good luck.

chuff · Feb 4, 2007, 11:37 AM

I would say that she's confused. She probably doesn't want to get hurt again so she's testing you to see what your response is when she says she doesn't care. I'd play it safe and just continue what your doing but not making her a focal point of your life. To me it seems if you continue that path she may come around.

jrock39 · Feb 4, 2007, 11:44 AM

Thanks Chuff that's what I thought as well ,needed to hear it from an unbiased person.Me personally if I didn't have feelings from someone I would not go around them .I am going to stay the course I do not there is not another person involved... J

valinors_sorrow · Feb 4, 2007, 11:50 AM

They say we are truer in our actions than we are in our words. But I would be mindful that she is saying one thing and doing another can be how fragile her trust for you really is. Go slow and be consistent this time. She could easily have you written down as being afraid of closeness because of how and when you bailed so you can hardly ask for closeness in return just yet. This will take twice the patience it did the first time. There are no guarantees here. I hope that helps.

yoyolb · Feb 4, 2007, 03:14 PM

From a female perspective, I think she is messing with your head a little. I say cut her off completleyy and see how she acts. Don't be mean, just stop speakign with her at length. Say hello and goodbye and that's it. Her reaction will tell you how she really feels. Trust me, If she feels like her game has backfired, she'll straighten up.

talaniman · Feb 5, 2007, 09:42 AM

She likes you but is being cautious this time and understandably so as you bailed before. I think its you who are confused.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 5, 2007, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by yoyolb

From a female perspective, I think she is messing with your head a little. I say cut her off completleyy and see how she acts. Don't be mean, just stop speakign with her at length. Say hello and goodbye and that's it. Her reaction will tell you how she really feels. Trust me, If she feels like her game has backfired, she'll straighten up.

Darned tootin', put her in her place! Show her just how tough guy you are! That will certainly make her stop playing games since you just now soooo one-upped her by playing a better one. :rolleyes: LOL

And if she perhaps isn't playing games, it will make her instantly trust you and do your every bidding --- NOT! Sheesh.

Just be sure to be prepared for a reaction like mine, if she happens to be is a quality person who has been confused by your ambivilent actions.
If you were to do this to me, I would quietly and permanently close the door forever having labeled you a gamer or a hot head on top of having intimacy issues.

jrock39 · Feb 6, 2007, 04:33 AM

So why is it when I ask her out she always makes up an excuse to not go ? Is it that she still doesn't trust me yet? I have waited a while before I ask her out... J

valinors_sorrow · Feb 6, 2007, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by jrock39

So why is it when I ask her out she always makes up an excuse to not go ? Is it that she still doesn't trust me yet? I have waited a while before I ask her out...J

That's her way of making sure this thing goes 5 mph, overly polite though it may be. You might ask her if she'd be willing to give you a sign when asking her out would be appropriate. That way you don't have to keep asking and getting the excuses. She either be willing to do that or she won't.

talaniman · Feb 6, 2007, 07:04 AM

You were trusted before and you rejected her, so of course she will be in no hurry to have that happen again. If you want her back, she is going to make sure this time, and you will work very hard to convince her that she is what you want. Do you really think she would just forgive and forget and fall in your lap?

Forever21 · Feb 6, 2007, 07:13 AM

I agree with the whole leaving her alone thing but I also think that you should not just one day stop acknowledging her I think that you should be sincere to her and let her know that you are feeling her that your feelings for her never went away and that you wanted to make things right, tell her why you broke up with her but how you feel like you was just being immature and realized that being close to her is what you would like and how you want to start over but that you respect her discission and that you will leave her alone. That way she knows how you feel and then if she was just playing games with you and you really stop paying attention to her she won't feel shy on approaching you cause she knows how you feel.

Another thing is really treat her like a friend, talk to her like you would with your buddies when she flirts call her out on it if she still likes you this will really bother her.

But on the other hand if you say you just broke up with her cause your relationship was getting to serious than why is it that she can't trust you and feels as if you have to start as friends it seems to me as if something else went down.

jrock39 · Feb 6, 2007, 05:38 PM

Hey guys thanks for all the great responses ,A little more info from my end would probably help here .I am at fault here ,when I got cold feet I stopped accepting her calls ,I didn't respond to text messages etc.. I did continue to sit with her at work even though she would cry daily ,she told me she was falling for me .I have not dated anyone since ,she after four months of break up began to date and has said she is not dating anyone right now, none of these guys (2) caused sparks .I told her today God is taking me through tribulations to teach me a lesson and must have something really special waiting when he knows I have learned my lesson to which she replied "you need to learn not to do what you did again" .I think that's it she thinks I will get her back and then cut and run again.. What do you guys think?

chuff · Feb 6, 2007, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by jrock39

"you need to learn not to do what you did again" .I think thats it she thinks I will get her back and then cut and run again ..What do you guys think?

I think that is exactly it. She's scared and to be honest she has every right to be. It sounds like she's still interested but from her point she has a lot more to lose than you do. Getting hurt twice by the same person could really suck. On top of that you work together so she has to see you regardless of what happens. Like I said I'd just keep doing what your doing and play it safe. But be aware she's going to play it safer.

talaniman · Feb 7, 2007, 05:02 AM

Honestly if you have no feelings for this female then you should move on as just a few dates is not worth playing with someone's feelings. Maybe you should have taken your breaks else where because you knew how she felt and you knew how she was hurt, and you know how she feels now, scared to trust you. No where in this post have you acknowledged any feelings for her so Even I am suspicious of your motives.

jrock39 · Feb 7, 2007, 04:49 PM

I do have strong feelings for her.However today was a bad day she told me to move on she has no intentions of ever getting back with me,she said that there will never be another me and you. I am devastated I am confused as to where that came from.. I told her I was losing sleep over this and she said you are waiting for something that isn't going to happen.. I think she means it any comments ?

talaniman · Feb 7, 2007, 05:02 PM

MOVE ON!! Leave her alone and get over it. Nice try but no cigar. Next time you find a good one don't runaway, its so hard to get them back.

chuff · Feb 7, 2007, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by jrock39

I do have strong feelings for her.However today was a bad day she told me to move on she has no intentions of ever getting back with me,she said that there will never be another me and you. I am devastated I am confused as to where that came from..I told her I was losing sleep over this and she said you are waiting for something that isn't going to happen ..I think she means it any comments ?

I'd suspect that she does mean it. I guess up until now she was probably just having fun at the expense of your emotions. Perhaps to get back at you for dropping her.

Either way you got your answer, maybe not the one you wanted but it still allow you to move on and know that it's over as opposed to wandering around in limbo.

jrock39 · Feb 7, 2007, 05:14 PM

Thanks for the replies ,I don't understand why she wants to continue to sit with me everyday she said that will not change...

chuff · Feb 7, 2007, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by jrock39

Thanks for the replies ,I don't understand why she wants to continue to sit with me everyday she said that will not change ...

She probably likes teasing you emotionally. She knows that your interested. You dumped her and that gave you some authority or power over her but then you came back which gave her the power. So now she can sit with you everyday and know that she's in control.