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Cjespinosa · Aug 11, 2011, 07:38 AM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now and its been up and down since it began. Mainly because he's just not as affectionate as guys I dated previously. Now when we are together its great, but he tends to suffer from shiny ball syndrome. When we are apart (he's stationed 2 hrs from me) its hard to keep him focused on me. Every morning he texts me. Or calls me but doesn't really communicate with me. The conversation is often random or we don't say anything at all. I love him and I know he loves me because every time I break up with him he fights for me to come back but its hard to deal with this type of behavior. He has shared with me that he had a rough childhood, placed in foster care and sexually abused as a child. He also has PTSD and doesn't take medication for it. I feel like this is a lot of the reason for why he is the way he is. I'm just scared to make excuses for him and I hate to think he's juggling relationships with another woman and that's the real reason he's been so emotionally distant. His friends are reassure me that he's a good guy just has some issues with getting close to women but I know how guys defend their buddies. What should I do? Sorry this was so long I just need some answers or explanations.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 11, 2011, 07:47 AM

Guys are not the same, if your pasts boyfriends were great why are you not with him. Judging good and bad from past relationships are easy but not always a good thing to do.

He is who he is. Most guys I now anyway, seldom "talk" a lot on phones or texts, in fact just doing it every morning shows a lot in my book.

And perhaps his idea of close and his idea of sharing are different than yours.

Cjespinosa · Aug 11, 2011, 07:58 AM

You are probably right. I do have the habit of jumping to conclusions. He tells me all the time that I explode over things I shouldn't. It's just I deeply care for him and we do have great chemistry and a connection I've never had with anyone else. And true my ex bfs were affectionate but I've never felt so close and grounded with them like this. That's why I get so upset when he sometimes forgets to call or is easily distracted or zones out. Sometimes I wonder if he's bipolar I've never dated someone who's personality switches up so frequently. I want him to seek help I feel it would help our relationship grow more. He's moving further north and wants me to move with him and that's a huge step I want us to have all of these issues at least somewhat resolved before I make the decision to live with him.

QLP · Aug 11, 2011, 09:43 AM

You have told us a lot about his problems. The fact that you think he should have his attention on you all the time, and don't feel a daily text is enough, and seem to be repeatedly dumping him so he will chase you makes me wonder what yours are. Sorry if this sounds harsh but that sounds a little needy to me.

It is normal for people to get distracted by all the other things going on in life. Do you have plenty of things to occupy your time when you are apart or are you hanging around waiting for him to call?

talaniman · Aug 11, 2011, 02:32 PM

Expecting him to be like past guys is crazy, but you both have personal issues to resolve, and that may take years, whether you are together or not. I wouldn't move in together unless at least a few were resolved either. And intense feelings after ONLY 6 months means very little.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 11, 2011, 06:57 PM

The relationship is 6 months old and has been up and down from the beginning.
That should tell you something.
That does not sound stable and I certainly would not be moving in with him.

Does not sound like a good match to me, his lack of emotions aside. And you're two hours a way to boot!