[wrc561]

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 20 almost 21. We have been dating for almost three years.

Roughly five days ago, she called me in the morning and informed me that at a party the previous night before, she got extremely drunk and made out with a guy. She called immediately and confessed to it and seemed very very sorry about the entire situation.

While on the phone discussing this, she also talked about not knowing her future. This has come up a few times in the past two months and we have discussed it briefly, but with no detail. The problem with our future is that I commission into the Army in December. Now because of that, I am considering med school and also have requested a post between our home towns(roughly 1 hour to each).

After we talked about the party problem, we moved on to the future, since we were already on the topic of a possible end to the relationship (I ended up forgiving her, it was a guy she/me would never see again). During this talk, she stated that she did not know if I was the one or if she wanted to continue a relationship with me because of that and the Army. She said that after two and a half years she should know, to which I responded it may take longer (had friends that dated for 7 years before being engaged).

She has been very busy working two jobs this summer and said she discovered that it is possible to live without me but that she doesn't know if she wants to. We have told each other that we love each other very much and previously in the relationship she had stated that she could take staying at home for 6-12 months at a time with the kids (once we had them) and wait on me.

So we decided to take a break. She had originally wanted to go until August, but changed her mind to Monday for us to talk again. We are both in excellent standing with each other's families, her major is nursing right now and already has job offers. On the phone we discussed that sometimes she cannot see us married, but at other times she can see us together and raising a family.

I just do not know if this break she really needed is to truly think about our future, or if it is cushioning the blow for when she finally ends it. Please help! Advice on what to do, what you think will happen, etc would be great.

I already know not to contact her and she will call Monday, which is hard to do. We already had our summer planned out but this derailed it temporarily(I hope).

[amicon]

The statistics say it's ''cushioning the blow''-sorry but people who hit bumps in their relationships work on solving the problems together-not by''taking breaks''.

She's young-her feelings are changing and her life's choices seem to be changing as well.

Leave her to it-get busy with your own life and make plans for your future as if she's not in it.

[I wish]

I would say that after 3 years of being together. If you want to make this work, then work it out TOGETHER. Be fair to each other. Sit down and talk it out.

If you just want to avoid the problems by taking a break and not allowing an dialogue between the two of you, then you're only going to slowly drift apart.

It's time for the two of you to face some difficult questions.

[talaniman]

You are at the crossroads of a decision with how to proceed forward, and knowing you will be leaving soon has brought a lot of fear and uncertainty into the picture. The question is can you both deal with a long distance relationship, and keep a bond going, or is it time to explore other options, and strategies while being apart.

I don't think she wants the distance thing personally, and feel she would rather be free to explore her freedom while you are gone. I can understand that, and so should you since you have plans for your own future that are clear. She probably needs a lot of time to figure out what her future will be, with, or without you.

You both are growing and have some very adult decisions to make. Together, or apart.

[wrc561]

Thanks a lot all of y'all. I have a better idea of what I need to do now as well and how to work through this with her and not have it end in shambles. Thanks again to everyone