Check out some similar questions!

gingerbill · Jun 6, 2011, 03:54 AM

I can't believe I'm back here on this site again following another failed relationship. The advice/support last time really helped. I have been with my boyfriend 8 months, it started as a casual sex only relationship but then developed into a proper loving relationship. I loved him (with all my heart) and said he loved me back. We have just got back last week from our first holiday together and it was brilliant. We had a lovely time and was talking about booking another one, then suddenly out of the blue on Sat he just finished things. After virtually dragging the reason out of him he says that he doesn't know what's wrong with him. He just feels "something" is missing. I am going out off my mind and cannot get my head around just a massive turnaround. In 8 months we have never had a row or cross word. I just don't understand him. Can a person just change their mind overnight? There were no warning signs this was coming.
Any advice appreciated.

amicon · Jun 6, 2011, 04:35 AM

No,people don't change their minds overnight,so,sadly,I'm pretty sure he'd been thinking along those lines for some time.

I think your best option is to accept that it's over-hard,I know,and start moving on.

You know how no contact works,so that's what I recommend you start straight away if you haven't already.

I wish · Jun 6, 2011, 08:09 AM

From his perspective, it sounds like he's been contemplating a break up with you for a while, but he's obviously been giving the relationship a fair shot, such as going on a holiday with you. I'm sure he's tried his best to spark the relationship, but it just hasn't been working out for him.

I think he realized that you're not as compatible with him as he would like. So instead of leading you on, he cut his ties with you.

Sometimes it's not that one person did something wrong. The problem is that you just don't match, personality-wise. He might be good for you, but you might not be good for him.

We all need to find a relationship where it's good for both people involved.

BMI · Jun 6, 2011, 08:25 AM

Being a recipient of helpful advice on this site last time around, it is a bit surprising to hear you began a relationship with casual sex.

Nevertheless, as others have mentioned above, no signs need to exist to end a relationship. Makes it easier to figure out why he left had there been a specific event that may have pushed him away, but sometimes it just happens.

I also agree that this was no overnight decision, trust he was contemplating this over the course of weeks or even months. Also, prying an answer out of him will not explain anything as he could say anything. He does not want to be in a relationship with you at this point, for whatever reason. The result is the same.

I'd let go right away. It is easy to dupe yourself into contacting him because you think you need closure or a specific reason why he left. That has more to do with an excuse for contacting him rather than anything else. Again, let it go now or you will fell like a fool later.

gingerbill · Jun 6, 2011, 11:36 AM

I guess I have no choice but to go the whole no contact route. I don't know if I have the strength to do it but I must try. He has finished this once before, but that was during the whole FB relationship when we agreed either could end it at any time. I wasn't happy. But I didn't love him then. Anyway, a month later he just came back and we started what this time has been a proper committed relationship. I'm scared he'll come back again in another month and because I love him so much I won't be able to turn him away. And all the time I'll be worried at the back of mind that he'l do it again. What does that say about myself esteem- or lack of. X

amicon · Jun 6, 2011, 11:39 AM

You don't seriously want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps breaking up with you.

Stay strong and stick with NC.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2011, 01:56 PM

Whatever reason he would have given would not help you because you are in shock still over this break up. So let the dust settle and regroup, and just have no more contact so you can accept its over.

No on can see a break up coming when you start a relationship, and break ups are always the risk you take, but there is nothing wrong with your confidence or self esteem, as we all have those "what if " feelings when we go through a break up.

You know what to do about it though, so just do it.

Break ups always suck, and they always will, and once you have healed, of course you will try it again.

Don't we all?