[jeffrey208]

I'm a happily married man with a wonderful wife with two kids,recently I had this desire to wear women's thong underwear ( secertly) I truly enjoy the feeling and comfort they give me.I,m afraid if my wife finds out will she freak out.what should I do.

[kcomissiong]

Ok, is it the thong that gives your comfort, or is it the fact that its womens' underwear? They make thongs for men. You will probably get a far bigger eyebrow raise from your wife if its option two.

[Cat1864]

It is a fairly common and normal fetish. Why shouldn't men be allowed to wear the same clothing women do? Women can wear men's clothing and most people don't think twice about it.

I suggest that you discuss it with your wife. Her reaction will probably be a lot worse if she finds out on her own. I doubt you want to try to explain it after she finds a strange pair of thongs or sees you wearing her clothes. She might even surprise you and find it sexy.

Choose a time when you are least likely to be interrupted or overheard by the children. Be calm and matter of fact. Don't have any expectations of how you think she will react. That way you won't be defensive and looking for negativity in her response or lack of one. Expect questions. Explain your feelings as best you can and allow her time to think and respond.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

It is a common fetish as noted above, what is wrong is not telling your wife, She will feel betrayed and even lied to if you don't tell her. ( and how would she not know, laundry, undressing for bed and so on

[jn909]

Honesty is really important in relationships, if it is something that makes you feel good, she shouldn't have a problem with it. Unless you stretch out her best undies ;). It may take her a bit of time to get used to it, but if she loves you she will understand. Heck, she might even go underwear shopping with you.

Take care x

[excon]

Hello j:

We recently had a wife here who "seen" her husband in lady's underwear... SHE ain't never going to get over it. We DID our best.

Let's hope your wife gets it. Maybe she'll show you what she wears in HER pants, and been hiding from you.

I don't know. I took my wife as she IS - not as I expected her to be. Who she WAS turned out to be a lot more fun than the girl I expected would have been.

excon

[BMI]

If it's comfort, it's comfort. If it's for sexual pleasure, that's a sticky situation:)

I'm not one to comment on others personal choice of comfort and pleasure; however, you know your wife and how she may react to either A, B or a little bit of both.

If you think she is going to flip either way, I'd sacrifice the enjoyment. I mean, really, lots of things that would make me more comfortable in life but some aren't worth poor interpretation by a partner.

I'd love to wear those beer can helmets to work (for the look AND content) but I can predict where that may lead so, alas, I wear a tie :(

[alfred340]

Yes, of course it is.

Does your wife ask for your approval when she dons trousers (pants) or other traditional "menswear"? Come to think of it, does she ever need you to validate her personal dress code? And even if she did seek your opinion, I doubt she would stray from her own choices.

You probably would not want to hurt or insult her. Of course not, and the same should apply to you.

Wear what you want. If you love soft, frilly, sheer fabrics, or pastel colours, go ahead.
Whatever your preferences, you have a perfect right to enjoy them.

If your wife or partner disapproves, it is her problem. She will just have to get over it.

Don't ask permission or seek acceptance. You like it, and that's the end of the matter.

In a perfect world, she would say you look great, or at least be happy that you are not living with frustration or repression.

I wear only silky or nylon panties, because I love the way they look and feel. In colder weather, I also wear tights or stockings. They make me feel good.

Be a man, and wear pink panties.

[JudyKayTee]

... If your wife or partner disapproves, it is her problem. She will just have to get over it.

... Don't ask permission or seek acceptance. You like it, and that's the end of the matter.

I think this is one of those things partners discuss - "this is how it is and this is the end of the matter" wouldn't really work well with/on/for me.

Also - getting "over it" isn't the wife's only option.

Just sayin'.

[alfred340]

Sorry JudyKayTee, but a man's gotto do what a man's gotto do. You may not like it, and you may feel resentful, but transvestism (even in its mildest form) is protected by the law in most counties. You partner would not have chosen this facet of his personality. However, his perfect human right is to express himself.

If your relationship is in jeopardy simply by his choice of clothing, then the relationship is not what it appears.

Does he disapprove of you wearing pants? Has he said your femininity is being undermined by wearing jeans? I think not.

If faced with a male partner who desired to wear panties, you would have to make your own choices. Feminists are always claiming their "rights", not the least of which is not to be judged by men. I fully support that women's right too. We do not have the right to pressurise or dictate on others, what is purely personal.

Panties are attractive, comfortable, sensual and I love them both on me and my wife. In most cases they are better made and cheaper than very boring male chunky cotton undies.

Look your husband in the eye, and ask him if he would like to wear pretty nylon panties. If he looks away from you, he would. He's afraid of your oppressive reaction.

[martinizing2]

i'm a happily married man with a wonderful wife with two kids,recently i had this desire to wear womens thong underwear ( secertly) i truely enjoy the feeling and comfort they give me.i,m afraid if my wife finds out will she freak out.what should i do.

If comfort were the only issue there are thong undies for men.

The desire to wear women's underwear points to more than a comfort issue.
This is not an extremely unusual thing for men to get some kind of satisfaction or thrill from cross dressing be it underwear in secret or full out drag queen. But there are sexual or identity overtones involved. It is to what extent it is involved that may matter.

Talk to your wife about it and avoid the fireworks that would for sure ensue if she "catches you."
Or stop wearing them and stop worrying if it is not that important to you.

It should not be a big deal except for the stereotyping society has pinned on this behavior makes it much more an issue than it should be.
If she loves and cares for you she should be able to handle a discussion about wardrobe

[Cat1864]

Alfred, some men do try to control what their partners wear.

Personally, I have no problem with most people wearing anything they want to wear. However, if after years of marriage my husband suddenly changed what he prefers to wear, I would be a bit concerned. When anyone changes behaviors of a lifetime in a very short time, it can mean that there are other issues that need to be addressed.

Hopefully, in the past few weeks, he and his wife have sat down and discussed his preferences without ultimatums or confrontations.

[Wondergirl]

If your relationship is in jeopardy simply by his choice of clothing, then the relationship is not what it appears.

Judy is correct ("this is one of those things partners discuss"). To rephrase your statement, "If your relationship is in jeopardy simply because of poor communication, then the relationship is not what it appears."

[talaniman]

I think talking about it before you shock her from left field would be a good idea.

Then next time she goes to Victoria's Secret she can pick you up something too.

[JudyKayTee]

- I think I would prefer to know in advance as opposed to having a wife of one of the men at my husband's health club tell me, "Oh, by the way, I see X is wearing women's underwear these days."

(I'm working on how a thong can be comfortable for a man.. )

[JudyKayTee]

Sorry JudyKayTee, but a man's gotto do what a man's gotto do. You may not like it, and you may feel resentful, but transvestism (even in its mildest form) is protected by the law in most counties. You partner would not have chosen this facet of his personality. However, his perfect human right is to express himself.

If your relationship is in jeopardy simply by his choice of clothing, then the relationship is not what it appears.

Does he disapprove of you wearing pants? Has he said your femininity is being undermined by wearing jeans? I think not.

If faced with a male partner who desired to wear panties, you would have to make your own choices. Feminists are always claiming their "rights", not the least of which is not to be judged by men. I fully support that womens right too. We do not have the right to pressurise or dictate on others, what is purely personal.

Panties are attractive, comfortable, sensual and I love them both on me and my wife. In most cases they are better made and cheaper than very boring male chunky cotton undies.

Look your husband in the eye, and ask him if he would like to wear pretty nylon panties. If he looks away from you, he would. He's afraid of your oppressive reaction.

I neither like "it" nor dislike "it." Please don't attempt to read into my post OR make it something it is not. Why would I resent some other woman's husband wearing women's underwear? As far as "a man's gotta do," same goes for women.

Women are considered on equal footing with men. You may have heard that we're even allowed to vote! In one sentence you are all about women's rights; in the next it's "a man's gotta do." You can't have it both ways.

As far as "Feminists are always claiming their "rights", not the least of which is not to be judged by men," I am an independent woman, in a predominantly male profession. I'm not a feminist and I'm not militant on the equal rights issue BUT I've certainly never heard that one of my "rights" as a woman is to be judged by men. In what World is that?

In fact, I thought once women received their civil rights it ENDED judgment by men.

You turned this into a conversation about transvestism. I didn't. You have an ax to grind, that's fine. Don't turn it into my argument. Oh, and when I wear jeans, I wear women's jeans, not that it matters. Don't refer to "my" relationship being endangered by my husband's choice of clothing. You and your wife wear matching panties, that's fine by me. She knows you wear women's panties. She's okay with your choice.

That is not the case here, that is not what the OP has asked. That's your experience. That's not the question.

By the way, I'm interested in where women's panties are "less expensive and better made" than men's undies. Not where I buy MY underwear.

I'll venture a guess that you're not as comfortable with your choice of clothing as you would first appear. If you were you would be less concerned about what other people are doing/thinking. Three posts, all the same subject - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...es-581265.html.

And as for the rest of your psycho-babble (and the "look him in the eye" amateur psychiatry), that's my second major. Don't even attempt to play good guy/bad guy, passive-aggressive with me.

[alfred340]

My point is that if you are a woman who likes wearing boxer shorts, or a man who likes wearing panties, please do not ask permission from society in general or your partner. It is not theirs to give. It is simply your right of self expression. The notion that a sudden change in behaviour is a warning sign is psychobabble. Our tastes are not fixed. If you are a man or woman who feels uncomfortable with your partners clothing options, then the problem is yours. It's not for debate, discussion or approval. No permission is required for this harmless choice. Over the years what has been accepted as male or female clothing has shifted backwards and forwards. You don't have to be a victim of tyrannical convention. Do as you please. The Good Lord made us with different tastes and sensibilities.

[Synnen]

Alfred--ARGUE this on your own damned thread.

You're hijacking this one and making it about YOU, not about the OP.

It stops HERE.

Any answer going forward that is not address to the OP regarding his specific question will be deleted. Go argue transvestism and whether women's underwear are comfortable on Alfred's thread.

[EricThePink]

You have to decide if your panty wearing is worth risking the relationship. I am fortunate in that my wife knows about it and puts up with it, I do not think it is good to hide things like this so probably best to stop or talk about it but do not hide it

[JustUrAvgJoe]

I am also a happily married man of 40 with a wonderful daughter. I am 100% straight and have never been attracted to guys since they do not have what I like. I recently started wearing Victoria's Secret boy shorts and bikini underwear. I tried some that my wife had and due to the extreme comfort I only wear women's underwear now. My wife knows I am very picky about underwear since it is hard to find some that are comfortable. She has no problems and is happy that I found some underwear that I am happy with. She doesn't find it odd at all and I am a confident enough guy to not care that I wear women's panties. I am having an upcoming surgery for a hernia repair and I plan on wearing them to the hospital also. I'm 40, forget what anyone else thinks.