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loveher4eva · Apr 8, 2011, 12:18 AM

Hmmm last night was bad. Yesterday I thought I was having a good day because I told meself she is a cheat so I can't love her but last night I could not sleep. I kept having nightmares about her been different and telling me that she did not find me attractive and she laughed when she told me when she cheated on me. I feel so strange today I hate it.

amicon · Apr 8, 2011, 12:55 AM

Dreams are just dreams,your subconscious is working through the separation-so stop thinking about it.

You'll have good days and bad,that's normal.

The bad days are better handled through being active and having a plan,so get out and do something!

loveher4eva · Apr 11, 2011, 01:25 AM

Seriously now I have started doing the tip or making a diary about how your dealing with each day. I have read over what I have done and honestly it has not got better its only got worse. I'm terrified that she will never be in my life sharing it with me. I know that's not what you want me to say but it's the truth. I can't cope or ever be happy with how everything has unfolded in the past couple of month.its sad I know but I'm not ashamed to admit I need her and want her for the rest of my life. Please help me. I think I will giv emy self a year to see if things get better but then if they have not I won't know what to do

amicon · Apr 11, 2011, 01:51 AM

Again,are you keeping yourself busy?

Even though you're hurting,you should still do your outmost to have a life,doing things to distract yourself from this self inflicted torture that you're putting yourself through.

You're doing this to you,nobody else is.

And you can choose n o t to do it.

That would be a great way of 'getting things to get better'!

talaniman · Apr 11, 2011, 08:39 AM

This is not about her at all and has never been. Its about how you cope with the reality of life, and your own feelings because just think how crazy it sounds to want someone who you know will hurt you again, as they have before.

Doesn't that sound crazy to you?? That's what you are letting your emotions do to you, drive you crazy, and that's the whole point... you control what you do about your own feelings, no matter what, or they will control YOU!

That ain't no good, is it?

awayandalone · Apr 11, 2011, 07:01 PM

You say you need her... thats ridiculous, no one should ever need anyone else to make themselves happy. Do what makes you happy. Your life is in your control again, look at it that way. You no longer have to buy gifts, remember crazy anniversary dates, you can go where you please when you please and not have to answer to anyone as to why you were not home at a certain time! We all understand its rough to get through, but believe us when we say we have all been there. There are plenty of people on this site who can attest to the fact that they pulled through a difficult break up, are still here to tell about it, and 9/10 happier to be without that person they were missing during the initial phases of the breakup. Do things for yourself bro and you can pull through this. Hit the gym, hit the bars with friends, take up a class. Myself I learned how to bartend, have a great side job now, took a hunting class, got in shape. There are plenty of things to do that are cheap or free! Keep up the NC and good luck!

loveher4eva · Apr 12, 2011, 07:49 AM

OK I know you are all trying to help and you all say this person will hurt me again if I ever got back with them but in all fairness you don't get many success stories on here because only hurt people come on for help. People can get back and your rite its not good to need someone and it is me that's hurting myself rite now but until I do one thing that's always going to happen. What I want to do is meet her for an hour or so to calmly talk to her about what I thought went wrong and to say sorry for things I did and not to throw any blame at her or shout just to say what I feel and then to walk away knowing I tried one last time or I promise you now I will regret it for the rest of my lie. If she honestly does not want to try and work on things and become stronger and better and to learn from our mistakes then I can know she really does not want me at all not now or ever. I know so many people that have got back together and given it a second chance and come off stronger.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2011, 08:16 AM

She doesn't seem to want to give you that chance so why keep running head first into a brick wall?

Nothing you have posted says she is willing to do what you want.

loveher4eva · Apr 12, 2011, 08:24 AM

Yeah I know what you mean and I'm going to keep the no contact in tact but if she gets in touch I will try go get my point across with out attacking her about it straight away. Its something I need to do. Its only been about 9 days since we both text each other seems a lot longer though

martinizing2 · Apr 12, 2011, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by loveher4eva

OK i know you are all trying to help and you all say this person will hurt me again if i ever got back with them but in all fairness you don't get many success stories on here because only hurt people come on for help. people can get back and your rite its not good to need someone and it is me thats hurting myself rite now but until i do one thing thats always going to happen. what i want to do is meet her for an hour or so to calmly talk to her about what i thought went wrong and to say sorry for things i did and not to throw any blame at her or shout just to say what i feel and then to walk away knowing i tried one last time or i promise you now i will regret it for the rest of my lie. if she honestly does not want to try and work on things and become stronger and better and to learn from our mistakes then i can know she really does not want me at all not now or ever. i know so many people that have got back together and given it a second chance and come off stronger.

It will not happen.

Why would she listen , she is out of this all and doesn't want any more of it?

You are not walking away.
You were left behind wounded battered and unable to continue because she will not give you the chance to be any part of her life again , including a normal conversation.

That comes after you heal , sometimes. And not in every case , for some conversation with the ex is extinct.

loveher4eva · Apr 12, 2011, 08:40 AM

Oh I know this trust me and I have no false hope to go on or any beliefe whatsoever. I know she does not want to be with the person I WAS I did not see it at the time but all this has made me understand that I took her for granted and pressured her too much to do things she did not want to do. And I understand her not wanting to be with that person. I also understand she was so happy and in love when I did spend a lot of time with her so if I took all the good from our relationship and removed the bad and changed then my point is I want her to know the person I could be. Then if she wants no part of me I can say fair enough and leave it.

martinizing2 · Apr 12, 2011, 08:51 AM

She may see that person you want her to see.

Five or ten years down the road if you live like the person you say you are.
She will not listen , she may respond to action if it is proven over several years.

loveher4eva · Apr 18, 2011, 01:51 AM

I woke up today thinking about our sex and how great it was for both of us I really want her body soooo much. I just have this horrible feeling that she is not only never going to get in touch but never going to realise what she has done or admit to herself that she has done wrong, I don't think she will ever feel sorry or care what happens to me again. I honestly don't think she is missing me one bit or ever will and that feeling is the worst I have ever had in my life

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 02:13 AM

You may not realise this now,but it doesn't matter what she thinks,feels or does,now or in the future.

What matters is how you handle yourself,how you get closure within yourself and move forward.

The feelings you're having are normal,but you need to distract yourself from them and not keep dwelling on them.

You're life is here and now,not in the past.

talaniman · Apr 18, 2011, 05:28 AM

You have a long way to go if you are still feeding on those past emotions, and allowing yourself to be dragged back to those dark places you felt when you got dumped. Its almost like lying to yourself.

The whole point is to grow beyond the past, and embrace the future, not worry about what you want her to do. You are being controlled by YOUR own inability to cope with your feelings, and that as you see just prolongs the misery, and stops the healing.

Usually this indicates you are not as busy in a part of your life that you should be, and need to take an honest look at yourself, and make some bold adjustments.

loveher4eva · Apr 19, 2011, 10:23 AM

Hello I am feeling slightly different at the moment. I have been doing the 30 day diary writing down how I feel each day and I think it has helped a bit. I know now that we will never be together and that its is over. I just have this feeling that for the rest of my life I'm going to look back and think sad thoughts rather than happy.it is going to stay with me forever and o honestly believe I will never love again not as strong or as safe. I hate to think that my ex is just going to pick someone else to replace me and have a happy life whilst I am alone and can't love anyone. They say you learn from your mistakes well it seems my biggest mistake was to trust someone too much. I still deeply am sad about the baby we should have been having in the following weeks

kctiger · Apr 19, 2011, 10:32 AM

We all have the thoughts after a break up of never being able to find another special someone. That is natural. It goes away after awhile, with time and with effort to focus your energy on more positive, new adventures.

loveher4eva · Apr 20, 2011, 01:24 AM

After finding out a lot of girls I know are cheating on their boyfirends I am shocked and horrified. I mus tbe this blind fool walking around seeing the best in everyone and believing they can all be trusted when they tell you they will love you for every and never hurt you. After listening to all my friends that are girls I now see that my ex prob cheated a lot more than she let on and lied a lot more too because I never questioned her or doubted her at all. How in the hell am I meant to ever think I can find a girl who will not only love me but not cheat on me.?

talaniman · Apr 20, 2011, 02:53 AM

LOL, it may seem that way now, but later you will be a lot more careful with the partners you pick, and a lot more careful with who you give your heart to.

Your growing pains are making you a much more experienced wiser person.

What you thought that wisdom just happens? Show me a wise person, and I will show you a person that has gone through a lot of trials, and tribulations in life.

loveher4eva · Apr 21, 2011, 12:05 AM

Hmm for the first time in two week she text me yesterday asking me if I knew a boy who's name I won't say. That's all nothing else so I ignored and did not text back how can she just casually text me after everything she did. I don't think she knows that I know what she did. Should I tell her or leave it