[kaylachaotic]

So here's what happened.
About a week ago, my boyfriend of 5 months told me he was going to a strip club for his best friend shawn's 18th birthday, and that it had been planned for a couple of years. He invited me to come, and said they were going on Saturday night.
He told me before the scenario even came up, like a couple months into our relationship that he wasn't into strip clubs. They're fun to go to, fun to watch people naked. Entertaining and that's it. That he had only been once. Never got a hard on from it. The only reason he was going this time is because it was his friend's birthday. If it weren't for his friend's birthday, if it was just for the hell of it, he wouldn't have gone because it's pointless.
So all week, those were my plans, and I didn't have to worry about him getting lap dances or whatever because I'd be sitting right there.
Well on that Friday night, I had a performance at a local coffee house. He came to watch me, and then told me he had to leave because shawn was at his house waiting for him. I had asked earlier that day what they were doing and at first he said they were probably just going out to dinner. Then a few hours later it turned into a bonfire, just the guys. I didn't buy it for one second.
He barely texted me all night, told me the next morning his phone died. But it didn't, because verizon always shows the checkmarks next to the texts when they're received and the person's phone is on. So when I was talking to him in the morning, I asked that since the guys all celebrated shawn's birthday the night before, if we were still going to the strip club that night. And he said no, I guess shawn doesn't want to go anymore. (yeah that makes tons of sense, because he would just not want to go after it being planned for two years.. not to mention his Facebook status at 11 at night was "handing out dollars")..
I must have asked him about 50 times if he was going/was at/went to the strip club. A bunch of times at my performance, a bunch of times during the night, and a **** ton of times the next day when he picked me up. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE SAID NO. he even was so persistent in lying that after 10 times on Saturday he threatened to take to me home if I asked again.
I already knew, I'm not dumb. That night I had a horrible dream that he definitely did go, I saw it all. I saw everything. I woke up crying at 530 in the morning and got out of his bed and laid on the couch and cried. He woke out and came out to me and asked why I was on the couch and why I was so upset. All I said to him was "you know what you did" and he went back into his room without saying a word.
I feel like our relationship is ruined because he lied to me that badly. Of course I wasn't comfortable with him going to the strip club, but as long as he didn't get a lapdance he really didn't do anything wrong.. but he lied. He didn't lie just once, he lied and lied and lied. He said he was never going to tell me.
I can't believe anything he says now. I ask him if he got a lapdance and he says "no way i have never gotten a lapdance and i never will. they're expensive and the girls are gross. why would i pay 35 dollars for some slut to dance on me for one minute?"
But how am I supposed to believe that after all the lies he tried to feed me?
Help me please.

[Wondergirl]

i must have asked him about 50 times if he was going/was at/went to the strip club. a bunch of times at my performance, a bunch of times during the night, and a **** ton of times the next day when he picked me up.

Why did you keep after him like that? If you know anything about people, you would know that that kind of pushing guarantees you will get lies in self defense.

[ironhide262]

Did you ask him why he lied?

[Lollypopgirl]

Mine did the same thing,
I asked him y he went there and he told me that he liked sexy girls and we were over now if u do that he will then be srry that he let u leave and ask u to get back together with me this worked try it.

[mmresd]

Do you know how much it sucks to HAVE to take your girlfriend to a stripclub when you are trying to celebrate one of your male friend's birthday? What's wrong with stripclubs? When you go with a group of guys is not to bone some stripper or to disrespect your relationship, you go there because it is a place where you can have fun with a group of male friends. And what if he brought a lap dance? Is it not his money? He decides how his money is spent, you two are not married. Why did he lie? Probably because of the same reason you are posting in this forum, because it would have made you upset and he was probably just trying to avoid that. If your relationship is ruined because your boyfriend decided to have a good time with one of his best friends on his birthday then just break up with him. However, you might want to e a little more lenient for your next relationship because most males do have a sense of having fun that is different than females.

Good luck,
Javi

[talaniman]

His lying was wrong, but what do you expect a guy to do to get you to drop something that had to be really ANNOYING, AND NERVE RACKING!!

[talaniman]

Address the Original Poster, not each others opinions, that's hi-jacking a thread!!

[mystific]

You obviously don't trust him otherwise you would have accepted his response and left it.

The fact you kept nagging and carrying on, that was probably easier to deal with than the continual barrage of 'did you's' from you.

He's confirmed and reaffirmed with you time and time again that he doesn't get off on it, doesn't appeal to him, but to be completely honest when you're out with your friends, plans change, and if you're having a good time, you tend to go with the flow. It was his night out with the boys that'd been planned for two years, come what may they had a good night.

Celebrate the fact he came home to you, it was a strip club, it's done.. move on.

Keep nagging, you may find you're enjoying single free life.

[DoulaLC]

I'm not sure why he would lie about it if it had already been planned before and you were OK with it. I suppose he thought you would object with him going alone since you were not going to be there.

It would have been quite simple for him to just say, "yea, we decided to drop in for awhile after all."

Unfortunately, he lied about it, you were suspicious and continued to ask, and he continued to lie. That just caused it to become more of a big deal than it probably would have been. Now the issue wasn't so much that he went, although you have to be honest with yourself as to whether you would have had a problem with it, but now it was more his lying about it.

He shouldn't have lied, you shouldn't have kept pushing when you knew the truth anyway. The outcome would likely have been the same whether he was honest right away or fessed up later... you would have been upset. Obviously he was hoping to avoid that.

Hopefully he has learned that lying is never the right course to take, and you have learned not to harp on something when you already know the situation.

So now you decide how the two of you are going to deal with the situation. Trust can be rebuilt if both people are willing to put forth the effort. It takes time and plenty of communication. When things calm down, the two of you can discuss the experience, how it has effected the relationship, and where you want to go from there.

[mmresd]

Insensitive answer? We are not here to reform our opinion according to how it will make the poster feel. We give our opinion on things as a way of advise in order to allow the poster see different points of view. In this particular case, I think the poster is being ridiculous in how she is reacting In such a big way? I expressed my opinion and my comment is not factually wrong, so why give me a bad rep mark?

Good luck,
Javi

[PeaceAndLove89]

Because in essence you are basically justifying and excusing his lying to her. Lying is never a good thing and I firmly believe it shouldn't be a part of any respectable relationship. The post isn't as much about the fact that he went to a strip club (clearly she could've objected to his going, but instead suggested her inclusion) yet he deceived her and then lied when understandably confronted about it. Lies hurt people and damage relationships; that applies to everybody. I agree that her persistence with the subject and continuous questioning didn't help the situation, but all she wanted was an honest answer and if you love somebody then they at least deserve that much. Thus, I found your answer to not be helpful but rather critical of the poster. That's my opinion. Thanks.

I agree with DoulaLC though. Trust can be rebuilt, but I can relate to how the poster is feeling because it's difficult when trying to get the truth from somebody is like pulling teeth.

[mmresd]

@ PeaceAndLove89:

My original answer to this question, did not justify his lying to her. Wondergirl and Tala would have taken care of the lying part. What I provided was some insight as to how unnecessary it was for her to be making such a big deal out of something so small.

Also, please read the rules on using the comments options found here https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html. They are the official guideline as to how to use them.

"Negative comments should be given under the following circumstances:
1) From another member when an answer is FACTUALLY wrong
2) From the asker if the advice turned out to be incorrect

Negative comments should NOT be given when:
1) there is a difference of opinion not of fact
2) when a response has been added to the thread disagreeing with the opinion
3) when a responder asks for clarification or more information (note: often questions do not contain enough info to answer so clarification is asked for--Answers should not be rated until the course of the assistance is complete)" (From website linked above).

I do not believe (considering that you are another member and not the asker), that my question was "FACTUALLY wrong"... therefore, your negative comment was wrongfully given. Please act according to the official rules of the site.

You are justifying her annoying questioning to her boyfriend about a matter that does really concern her, considering that it was a friend of his' birthday party with her just wanting an honest answer? Oh no, creating that much drama in a relationship from any side for such a small issue is wrong, and should be pointed out, which was the source of my original answer to this question.

... that DOESN'T really concern her,.


Good Luck,
Javi