[trustn011]

I haven't had sex in over 1 month in a half. I work full time I pay the rent and the bills. I take care of myself, teeth, hair, clothes, I take her out twice a week and spend more time with her on her period (movies, dinner, theatre, jazz clubs) as for the clothes and stuff her idea not mine. Taking her out is my idea. We spend our days apart she works a cashier during evenings and is home by normally 10 I work early mornings and I am normally to tired at that time.

But we had the past too weeks off. I massage her feet everyday, I give her a back rub and I am not bad at it I was going to school as a Registered Massage Therapist changed majors for chef so I can cook and know where all the stress points are. I communicate with her everyday she wakes up to breakfast in bed most of the time but I get nothing back. I get hugs and a kiss everyday that's it. Last time this happened it was understandable she ****ed up her birth control and had a period for a month but that was a year ago and she went off her birth control since than. We wear condoms every time, but now nothing!

She says she wants too but goes out when we don't go out. I tried asking for a back rub she said in a few minutes... that was 4 days ago I tried asking about it again and now she says I nag at her for everything. I'm at the point where I need something to happen I am 21 years old flowing with hormones and all I want to do is have sex but I can't. Mind you this is a bias account from my point of view.

Can someone else see if I am doing something wrong? I also partake in the chores around the house it's not like I am lazy and her friends say she is lucky to have me and her one of her friend made a pass at me a week ago after she heard about our problems my paranoia kicked it like this was a test and I told her no if she was a true friend she wouldn't do that to my girlfriend by betraying her trust like that and started crying told her it's okay (we did not kiss or even hug just got awkward) I asked her to leave that was that, than we went to a party at an old friends house and I didn't see her the whole night.

Now I am thinking I am spending too much time with her only 3-4 days a week but its mostly her idea to go out (exception movies). I am at my wits end here I just want to make love to my woman and be close to her and feel her embrace I love her that's not the problem. I just think she is just not that into me...

[tickle]

Downside is, you spoil her, give her too much. Cut some of the foot massages, cut the breakfast in bed. Go out on your own, leave her home to stew, or whatever.

You have made it too easy for her; she is taking you for granted. Its possible to still love someone and take them for granted at the same time.

Tick

[amicon]

How ,if at all do you discuss this?

I'm thinking there might be other underlying issues here,and -if-the communication's not good between the two of you you need to do something to improve the same.

Tell her you need to have a serious talk.

[maninthehat]

then break up. You two have lost interest in each other. Or just take a different approach. I hope you aren't just asking for sex, cause any girls answer to that after you have been in a relationship for a good length of time would be no. its not about the time you spend with her, its about the romantic time you spend with her. Not just dates, but I mean romantic. I like walks. Beach. Sunsets. Camping. Massages = not romantic unless its already romantic, otherwise save your hands. Then when its romantic, don't ask, just take it. Play with her or something, learn the art of the hand down there to warm things up. Don't know if I'm aloud to say this, but don't go for it go for it until you can tell its completely wet down there and just already getting messy. Semi public places usually turn girls on, they are weird like that

[talaniman]

Back up guy, and do less for her, and more for you without her. She is used to being treated like a queen, but doesn't know how to treat her man like a king. Teach her, but first you must back up, get her attention, and then talk to her and find out where her head is.

It sure ain't at home with you, and she sounds like all your attention is smothering her. She is your female so get the facts so you know how to respond.

Just me, I would simply ask her what's up, and why are you not getting what you give.

Lack of sex is usually a symptom of a problem in other areas of the relationship. To solve problems, you must be able to communicate. And so you know, those things you do to please her, may not be what pleases her.

[tickle]

How ,if at all do you discuss this?

I'm thinking there might be other underlying issues here,and -if-the communication's not good between the two of you you need to do something to improve the same.

Tell her you need to have a serious talk.

My impression is the two of them have fallen into 'a mould', like an old married couple. I think two people living together for a long time can anticipate a lot of things. She has for sure. Anticipated that he is there for her no matter what, and if he isn't, (the party scene where he couldn't find her) then heck, whatever, he will be home for me after.

This is the kind of situation that communication can't get around, because they have lost the ability to go one on one with each other, and there definitely is resentment going on with him (of course). This is a nice guy who loves his girl, but she has gone passed that taking too much for granted, the death nell of a once-good relationship, because at this point, I don't think she will see his point.

Tick

[mystific]

You can come live with me!. Not overly keen on foot massages.. but back rubs and someone who cooks and cleans... dude you win!

All she'd have to do is pay you and you'd be her slave.

You're 21... your energy would be best suited finding someone who will appreciate what it is that you will bring to a relationship.. who will in return do gestures in return and make you feel special.

You are special right? You do deserve to be treated with respect and honesty? Right...

(altogether now) Yes!

She's not the one for you. Time to go find someone who loves your pampering and who loves you back.

[maninthehat]

I don't think a relationship where you have to cut back is a good one

[mmresd]

If she isn't wanting to fulfill your needs then break up with her and go find someone who will. Don't stick around because she seems to feel that she is in such a comfortable position that she can wall all over you. That is not good, you have not played your cards right in this relationship and now it has spiraled out of control to the point that she does care about your needs at all while having the comfort of knowing that she will get what she wants no matter what. Find someone who appreciates what you do for them, not someone that takes you for granted.

Good luck,
Javi

[DoulaLC]

Are you waiting for her to show you a signal or make the first move? What does she do when you start things? Have you planned a night in? You could tell her point blank that you planned a night in for a change because you just want to slow down the pace and spend some time enjoying each other.

Perhaps, with all the back and foot rubs, much of her need for physical contact is being met.

If you feel that she is out and out avoiding you in that regard, you need to say something. Be careful, however, that you don't express it as an expectation as payment of sex for services rendered on your part.

[talaniman]

I don't think a relationship where you have to cut back is a good one

This doesn't sound like a good relationship to me
Either.