[Gem_1995]

When I was 9 years old I was sexually abuses by a 30 year old, he was my baby sitter it went on for half a year. When I was 13 I let it happen again and I was groomed by a 24 year old, we went on to have sex in reture for cigarette's. When I was 14 I had a normal sexual relationship with a 15 year old who I didn't love, which made me turn to cutting myself to deal with the pain!I would just like to say unlike the other men, he did not pressure me into it.

Me now! I am 15 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 months I love him so much he is a year older than me but is a virgin, so I am not to worried and he said he doesn't want to do anything until I am 16 at least which is 8 months away.

What I want to know is how will I know if I'm making the same mistake again? And if I will just go through my life being used and abused by men ? I do not want to turn to knives again, how will I know if I am mentally stable enough for this?
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME, I NEED SOMEONE'S ADVICE!

[Alty]

I've been where you are, minus the cutting.

I was molested from the age of 5 for many years, also by a babysitter who just happened to be my cousin.

I was then raped at 18. A friend of a friend.

I spent many years just having sex with anyone that wanted to because I didn't feel I was worth anything more.

You boyfriend sounds like a great guy. He's willing to wait. I'd wait longer then 16 though.

You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Sex isn't a huge part of life, it's only a small part of it.

I'd seek counseling to deal with the things you've gone through. Until you deal with the past there's no way for you to have a healthy future, even if you're in love.

[Gem_1995]

I know how many people have been there been, its scary to even think about it, cutting has always and will always be my way to deal with it. Glad you have never had to turn to it.
My boyfriend really is amazing, he is the most lovely guy I have ever met, he knows everything and still tells me everyday that he loves me and has seen the scars that cover my legs from top to bottom from 5 years of cutting. At the moment it's just nice to be able to be close to someone.
I know I'm young and I know I need help, but to be honest I don't know where to get it or how to deal with me past. I know I wish love was a cure, then life would be easy.

[Alty]

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

Do your parents know about all of this? Do they know about the abuse, and the cutting?

I know that counseling is a big leap. Trust me I know. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I decided to give it a try. I'm 40 now. I waited most of my life to get help. I kept it inside all of those years. It was much harder to keep it in then it was to find an expert that could help.

The first step is realizing that this isn't going to just magically disappear. Your past doesn't define you, but it is the large purple elephant in the room, until you deal with it.

Counseling is a great way to deal with it.

Talk to your parents. If they already know about the abuse in your past then I'm surprised they haven't already put you into counseling. If they don't know, then tell them, and let them know that you need help dealing with all of this.

I know, lots of hard stuff to deal with. It's hard talking to mom and dad about this. I never did. They died before I got help.

You can't and shouldn't deal with this on your own.

I can give you advice, and I can sympathize, but I'm not trained to help you move forward. You need a specialist for that. It's worth it. I promise you.

[Gem_1995]

I've been told that before, I matured to quick!
They know about it all the sexual abuse and that well mum does. She don't know about the cutting though and I don't think I will ever tell her as she feels bad about it all because she feels she should have stopped it so I can't really talk to her.
I spoke to a school counciler a yeah back it didn't help as I can't say anything without getting to many people in trouble.
You are right the past does not define us but we are who we are because of everyone and everything. I know I cannot deal with this on my own my boyfriend is there for me.
U should learn this as your profession your good at sympafising and understanding what others have been through

[Alty]

A school counselor is a good start, but they're really not equipped to deal with this sort of thing. You have to find someone that specializes in this.

I understand your mothers guilt. A large part of the reason I never told my parents was that I knew they'd feel guilt. They were the best parents anyone could ask for. I never wanted them to feel guilt over something that wasn't their fault.

So your mom knows. I know it's not easy to talk to her about it. I completely understand that. You don't have to mention the cutting, but I would ask her if she would be willing to find a therapist for you. I'm sure she'd agree.

Having someone, like a boyfriend, that understands and is there for you, is great. But, you can't rely on him. You're 15. You're smart enough to know that it's very unlikely that the two of you will be together forever. Not impossible, but unlikely. Heck, I met my soul mate and my husband at 19 (Been together 21 years, married 16). I'm not the norm though.

You can't rely on anyone but you to get through this. I appreciate your faith in me. I really do. But I'm not trained to help you through this. I can only tell you how I worked through it. I can tell you that for many years, over 30, I kept it all inside. I didn't deal with it at all. You know what made me deal with it? My daughter turned 5. The same age I was when I was molested. That made all the walls I'd erected come down. It made me face the fact that I hadn't really faced anything. I had just pushed it all away, hoping it would disappear. When my little girl turned 5 I realized that it wasn't my fault, that I was not to blame. I also realized that all those years since it happened, I hadn't dealt with it. I needed to, and I did.

You're young. You can deal with this now and be so much stronger because of it.

You have strength in you. I know you do. It took strength to post what you did. Use that strength and do the hardest thing you'll ever do. Ask for help. Find a therapist and work it all out. When you're done, you'll be the strongest person you can be. I see great things in you. Prove me right. :)

[Gem_1995]

I must admit its weird someone understanding what I'm going through, but a nice weird.
My mum is the best in the world too, I will try and get mum to help me get the help I need.
I know its very unlikely but you never know the world may be on my side this time and he may be the one, you never know.
I know I cant, the only person who can get me help, is me, I am only trying to deal with it because I don't want to get stuck in the past, the pain is getting too much and I was making all the mistakes with men all over again.
What does melestered mean ?
I hope I can deal with it, hopefully without cutting anymore : D
Just to let you know, you honastly will never understand how much that last bit means to me, you are making me feel strong for the first time in 6 years, it's the first time I am actually starting to believe in myself, thank you for this and thank you for helping to push me into the right direction x

[Alty]

Oh no, did I write melestered? I probably meant molested. Molested means to be sexually abused.

You put a smile on my face today, and for that I thank you. I believe what I said about you, and I know that you will find a way to deal with this, and you will go on even stronger then before. You can do this. You will do this. I'm here if you ever want to talk about anything. Just post, and as soon as I see it I'll be here. :)

Just to give you an idea. I am now 40 years old. Ya, I'm an old lady. I have a wonderful husband, two wonderful kids, and a very good life. My past is just that, in the past. I'll never forget it, it's part of who I am, but I have accepted it, and I no longer live each day in fear, feeling hopeless, because of what someone else chose to do to me. I make the choices now, and I choose to live my life the best I can. I know you can get to that point.

You've already taken the first step. I can tell you that there will be bumps in the road, days where you'll feel worse, but that's part of the process. If you stick with it, get the help you need, you will come out of this journey stronger then most people, because of what you've been through, and because you dealt with it.

I'm cheering for you. Darnit, I have tears in my eyes. I'm very proud of you. :)

[Gem_1995]

I am glad I put a smile on your face as there is never enough smile's in the world...

Thank you for saying you will be there for me, and thank you for also giving me hope that I will and can deal with this, however unlikely I think it is.

I am now seeing a counciler and have talked about the 24 yeah old he is now getting taken to court and I don't think I will ever be able to talk about what happened to me when I was 9, not yet anyway as I am not strong enough, my counciler knows about the cutting and is trying to help me with that to, but every session going into details is making me cut, she knows this but talking to her is making me do them not as hard so they are no longer scarring just scabbing over and are healing in a few days.

But I am sorry for making you cry and thank you for being so proud I am determined to prove I can deal with my past and I that I will get better.

Sorry the reply was so late I have just moved so am only just on the internet again.