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realguyhere · Mar 18, 2011, 08:25 PM

Hi am 21 , I have liked guys frm I was about 16 , now am 21 want to be happy with myself but also want to get married and have kids , I recently found a lady of 25 who spark my interest and we have been going on dates and what not and I have completely falling for her does this sound normal at all to you guys , at this point am done with the gay life and I just want to be happy with this lady , I have told her my past and surprisingly she says once it's your past and your done with it then I have no problem being with u , am I in phase or is this real ?because I like this girl so much

DaniCalifornia · Mar 19, 2011, 07:04 AM

It sounds to me like you aren't gay.

Many people go through a phase in their life where they believe themselves to be bi-curious, it's normal.

Good luck with the woman!

Xx Dani G

adviceishere · Mar 19, 2011, 07:09 AM

I can't really say if your gay or straight, only you know this, or at least you will figure it out.

When you imagine being married with children, do you see it will a woman and your own kids or with a man with maybe adoptive children or surrogate?

You might be in love with the typical idea of the marriage and children but nowadays there are lots of gay marriages and adoption.

I think it would be best to let this lady go, at least for now, until you figure out what path you want to lead or you could both get very hurt.

Cat1864 · Mar 19, 2011, 07:54 AM

Please do not use chat speak. It is against site rules and can result in your post being deleted and/or your thread being closed. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules

realguyhere, how long have you known this woman and how long have you been dating?

My first impression is to go slow and be careful that you are building a relationship on a stable foundation and not building it on dreams and illusions. It can be very easy to mistake a strong friendship as something deeper if you are caught up in a dream of how you want your future to be.

Only you know your background and if there have been any other times you have been attracted to females (even for a moment) or if all of your attention has been geared toward males. You could be bi-sexual and this could be the first woman who has the qualities that you are looking for in a partner. It could be that you are denying who you are to try to fulfill an Ideal of what you believe a family should be.

I am concerned that both of you seem to think that the thoughts of being attracted to males should be only in your past. Bisexuals can be monogamous, but that doesn't mean their fantasies and turn-ons are all based on one person or gender. Having thoughts and fantasies does not mean you have to act on them. You both need to understand that some turn-ons will probably never go away. In the future, I really would not like to see her post here asking about why her husband looks at homosexual porn and wants her to use a vibrator on him. (Yes, we do get those questions.)

I don't know how far your past relationships, if any, have gone or how strong the feelings in them have been. I can't tell you that you went through a phase or are going through a phase. I can only urge caution.

I wish you luck and may you find the happiness that comes from knowing who you are and being comfortable with that knowledge.

glamorchiK · Mar 19, 2011, 10:49 AM

I've been through this. I indeed like women but I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 years now. It's normal.. through my eyes anyway. He accepts it but doesn't like it. I believe if you are with a man already then going with a woman would be cheating. BUT if you are single.. then mingle. You can't help who you love/like/lust for. :)

bakerben10 · Mar 20, 2011, 08:52 PM

Be sure of who you are before you try to start a relationship.with anything or anybody and make sure its not just a sexual connection as well.

samuelspeak · Jun 26, 2011, 09:04 PM

I think you still need time to discover yourselves. You need to be sure what you really want before even thinking about getting into a relationship with a girl. People say sexuality is a matter of choice but it is rather something people simply grow into. When did you choose to be straight or gay? It's not just choice, it's the way we are. I think it's just that you need time to understand yourselves properly.