[lukep]

I suffer from bi-polar disorder and two years ago had a very bad episode where I told a lot of lies to my friends and generally acted like an idiot. I went to the doctor and started on medication and right now my condition is not that bad and I feel a lot more "normal" so to speak.

All of my friends know about my condition but it is very embarrassing for me to talk about so I pretend to them I am fine when sometimes I'm not so to not draw attention to myself. My friends have been very good to me over the past two years, even though I know they laugh behind my back and call me "crazy", to my face they have been very supportive. All I want to do now is forget about the past and focus on my future, I am starting a new job in the next few weeks and I feel that things are finally starting to get back on track - apart from one small detail.

I can never properly escape from my past bipolar episode where I told a lot of lies and made a fool of myself. It plays on my mind a lot and I would just wish my friends would forget it ever happened and try to understand that I wasn't well.

There is this friend of mine that I have been in love with for a long time, she knows this and was supportive at the time of my episode. She has a boyfriend but in the past we have had a thing together, although we never slept together we were very close. In the past her friends have said to me she loves me but I never wanted to take it any further because she has a boyfriend and because of my past illness I thought I wasn't good enough for her.

These past two months I have been acting a bit foolish again, I have been posting things on Facebook that have a meaning to her and no one else and my friends have picked up on that and now I'm the talk of the town. In my defence she has been posting things back that have a meaning to me and no one else and I thought we were having a bit of banter so I carried on. I called round to her house two weeks ago to have a catch up and she seemed fine although we didn't mention any of the silly Facebook stuff.

One week ago I texted her to say lets stop this silly Facebook stuff and meet up face to face and have a proper chat about what is going on. She replied to me implying that she didn't know what I was talking about. I said I wanted to stop acting silly and act like grown ups but she still denied she knew what I was talking about, even going on to ask me if I was unwell again and reading into things that aren't really there. I started to think I was unwell again. Went to the doctor and no he said I was doing fine.

Since then I have stayed off Facebook and had no contact with her but she has been writing stuff on there that appears to me like she is bad mouthing me and playing games. I told her two weeks ago I wanted to stop all this and act like grown ups, I am doing my part by staying off that website and keeping myself to myself but she is carrying on by writing silly things on there. It is not my mind playing tricks on me, I know I sound like a crazy stalker, but she writes personal stuff that only I would understand.

It appears to me that I have angered her by acting silly over Facebook initially and like I said I offered to meet up face to face to stop it all but she denied she knew what I was talking about.

I think the best thing for me to do is try to ignore her and focus on my job that I have starting in a couple of weeks. I am not going on Facebook nor have I had any proper contact with her. My question is, why is she still badmouthing me over there, I told her two weeks ago I wanted to stop the sillyness and she is continuing it. I am obviously on her mind or she wouldn't go to all the trouble of badmouthing me. If she truly hated me then why doesn't she just delete me?

Like I have said, in the past I have acted silly and maybe I do deserve all this but I am trying to move forward and forget the past. Its just hard for me to do when in the past and still now to some degree I have had feelings for this girl and she won't drop the subject.

Thanks.

[adviceishere]

I think the best thing for me to do is try to ignore her and focus on my job that I have starting in a couple of weeks

I think you answered your own question :)

I am obviously on her mind or she wouldn't go to all the trouble of badmouthing me

you are absoloutely right, if this is the case.

Stay away from Facebook! The best thing you can do is ignore it, it will all subside as time goes on and you should keep busy and make a good future for yourself away from people that hurt you.

[talaniman]

Maybe its time to leave the Facebook alone and get a fresh start with fresh friends, to go along with your new job. Ignore those that play games.

[Jake2008]

I am worried that you may very well be reading into things a little too seriously, and see messages between you and her, that aren't really there. It is easy to misunderstand messages on Facebook, because most of the time you have to read between the lines anyway. Anything posted that any 'friends' can see between the two of you, is most likely not to be meant seriously, unless this girl wishes to announce to the world that she is truly interested in you, which she likely wouldn't.

If the conversations were 'messages', only between you, and her, that is a different story. Private messages that only the two of you can see.

Without knowing whether the two of you are posting in an open way, where everyone can see the exchanges, or, posting via private messages to each other, it is hard to say what is going on.

But, regardless, you are seeing that she is badmouthing you, and it isn't up to her to stop, it is up to you to stop 'friends' from posting negative comments that end up on your Facebook page. I would be inclined to delete her, and any others that keep you with one foot in the (negative) past, and who are not supporting, encouraging, and participate in your real life, as real friends. If they don't fit that bill, delete them all, and concentrate on the good that you have accomplished, and the goals you have set for yourself.

If you don't open yourself up to this type of negativity, you won't be bothered by it. Maybe try to simplify your life by eliminating all that you can that causes you any distress.

As to wanting to apologize, or make things right after your 'incident' referred to, that will never happen. You can no more explain a manic episode and apologize for it that you can win the lottery. It was what it was, you are not exempt from making mistakes, with or without mental illness. Let it go, and don't allow yourself to be stewing over that which you cannot apologize for, or, change anybody's opinion or impression of you. Let it go.

[lukep]

It wasn't private messages, it was statuses she was writing and when I called her up on it she denied she knew what I was talking about. I have closed my Facebook account down now and if people want to talk behind my back its up to them, I'm not taking any part in it.

You are right, I need to focus on new friends and new challenges it's just a shame I have to leave people behind, especially a girl I cared a lot about.

[mystific]

Unfortunately that happens in our lives. We meet people, befriend them they touch our lives and we learn from them. We move forward, some stay with us.. some get left behind.

Those friends you leave behind leave you with memories. Some fond, some not so fond.. this will help you lay the foundations with your new circle of friends and you get to learn from earlier mistakes.

[lukep]

Threads merged


I have know this girl for five years and we were really close friends, I have always had feelings for her but was too shy to make a move and she has a boyfriend so I didn't want to mess things up with her. I haven't had much experience with girls in the past so maybe that was the reason why I struggled to tell her how I felt.

In the past we have fooled around but stopped short at full sex, this always happened when we were drunk and I assumed it was the drink and we never mentioned it when we were sober.

About a year ago I made a big mistake, I sent her an email telling her I really liked her and wanted to know her feelings for me. Maybe it would have been better if I had said it face to face because her reaction at the time wasn't good, she basically said she was happy with her boyfriend and saw me only as a friend. Things were a bit awkward for about six months after that and we didn't talk much. She made the effort to come out with my friends for my birthday and things seemed to be getting back to normal between us.

During the last four months she has been telling her friends that she really likes me and has been hinting that she wants to take things further. Even though I had this information I still didn't make a move but hinted to her that I still liked her.

About three weeks ago I sent her a text saying we need to sort this out properly and we need to talk. This didn't go down well with her, she denied liking me as more than a friend and again I felt a bit foolish. Since then she has been bad mouthing me to anyone that will listen, every Facebook status she has includes a dig towards me and although we have had no proper contact for three weeks, I know she is talking about me and its all bad, she is acting like some psycho ex girlfriend.

My question is, what do I do now? I have done nothing wrong apart from say to her that we need to talk. If she wasn't bothered about me then why spend three weeks bad mouthing me, I am obviously on her mind. I could quite easily cut her out of my life but I have feelings for her and if she wanted to cut me out of her life she would just ignore any mention of me and not try and get attention from me from her Facebook statuses. I know this all sounds very childish, I am 27 and she is 25 so I don't get why she is acting like a pre-school child lol

Any insights into what could be on her mind would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

[summer_girl]

You sound as if you have grown a lot in your time together. However, despite your feelings for her, it sounds as if she isn't ready for an adult relationship. I think you might be happier in your life if you let her go, and look for a woman who is open to your advances. I've no idea why she conducts herself so childishly, but I feel certain you can find someone who is a better match. Best of luck to you!