[Pinksneakers99]

It all started on Match.com. We met and started chatting for days then we moved on to chatting and talking on the phone. So we finally met and it went really well. So we go on dates and he is texting me and we are talking on the phone everyday. Oh I forgot to metion that he is getting a divorce and has been separated for two months. So anyway thing are going well. On our third date he tells me that he wasn't looking for anything serious but he finds it hard not to with me cause I am the type you take home to mom.

So I finally start getting comfortable with him and start thinking at some point in getting intimate with him.But there is only one problem... I have to tell him that I have herpes. A wonderful parting gift from my ex. So I tell him and he is caught off guard. He is very sweet and supportive, hugging me and asking the typical questions. The next day he texts as always, but later that night we chat as usual but this time things are different. He tells me that he hasn't slept all day thinking of what I told him.That he was reading on it and that even with no symptoms and meds that you can still get infected.

So he says that this would mean that he would have to accept the fact that he may get this. And that it would basically mean a full commitment from him (marriage and so forth), and that he is not ready for that type of commitment. That he just came out a hell of a marriage. So we aggree to stay friends. Next day he calls me early and we agree to see each other. He comes to pick me up and as soon as I get in the car I go to give him a kiss on the cheek and he kisses me on the lips and later we end up making out.

The next day he tells me that maybe its not a good idea if we see each other cause he can't help but want to hold me and kiss me. So again we agree to just be friends for real. So a week later I go to his house to celebrate my raise at work and he greets me with a kiss on the lips again and things later get hot and heavy. He asks me to stay over and then the next day as well but that night we went all the way. He seemed really scared at being with me. So since then we speak every night without fail, he is always callilng me. I am never the one to look for him.

It had been a week and a half since I was over at him place, hadn't seen each othe since.We finally meet up for lunch today and he greets me with a kiss and is holding me the entire time like if I was his. But then in the car he tells me that he has wanted to see me but that he doesn't want to use me, I deserve better than that. That he is not in the right frame of mind for a seriouse relationship. Not to take it personal. But then he tells me to come over on Saturday to sleep over and we can cuddle.

I don't know what to do. I am falling for him. Doesn't seem like he wants sex cause I trully think he is scared to death the get the big H. I don't know if I should go and just enjoy being there with him and cuddling or just save myself the pain. Of course I am hoping with time he changes his mind but I can't hold my breath. He so amazing in every way. Don't know if I should just stay friend that chat online and talk on the phone and on occasions meet for lunch. Or should I do the cuddling and staying over, no sex. My mind is constantly thinking about this that I am about to burn out.

[talaniman]

The big H is not what he is afraid of, and he told you that he can't be serious with you. But he does know the right buttons to push, and get you any way because, even though its this "let just keep it friends", look at what's happened, you have made yourself readily available, and hoping he changes his mind.

You are not the first to fall for the passive/aggressive charmer. For your own good, slow down, back up, and keep yourself at a much safer emotional distance. You would be well served by getting to know this stranger, rather than falling in so deep you can't get out. You are already way too deep, much to fast.

And a phone call when he has time is not, "courting", or pursuing. Say your busy a few times and you will see what I mean.

I know nothing of him, or you, but what I do know is that those that give too much, too fast, get left behind really quick. The sad part is, you will never know what happened. I do, the attention he gives you is so great you assume he is falling as deep as you, but he ain't, so slow this train down some and pay attention a lot closer than you have and see if his words while great to hear, at least the ones you like (he also said he doesn't want anything serious, so if he does use you, or breaks your heart, its on you, and he would be right), match his actions.

Whats your hurry to be led down his path, before you have a clue where this is going?

You can find out exactly what he is up to if you slow down and let him earn your respect, and trust, not with words, but with his actions.

[wonderlife]

I don't think it's a good idea if you will continue just being there and wait for him when he seems to still confuse with his own life or also your condition. Even he talks to you on the phone and sms you a lot, you will only know about his basic information or what he wants you to know. You will never know the real him. In order to really get to know someone, it's only when you spend time with him long enough or often enough until you can make a reasonable choice for yourself and know exactly what's the guy's intention and whether he's truly the one you should be in a relationship with. Who's know this guy may just get lonely and just want something or someone to get him out of the blue.

Falling too fast before really getting to know someone is dangerous because it can often lead to a heart breaking situation which I don't want you to get through. Maybe you think "I'm ready to take this risk" but in your current situation, when you don't really know him yet and he already told you he was worried about whatever, please believe me the pain (when things turn out in the negative way) does not worth it. When you fall for someone too fast - so hard and so deep and the guy knows exactly how you feel while you are still not sure about his feelings towards you, this will only put you on the disadvantage - longing and hoping that he will be yours one day. Is this what you want and will make you happy? In addition, this might open an opportunity for him to use you.

My advice is step back a bit (or more) if you can. Try not to be too much emotionallly attached with the guy until you know for sure what's this all about. Also you two agreed to be friends, right? This is a good idea and probably a good start.

I don't know why "those that give too much, too fast, get left behind really quick", as Tal said. Why it has to be like that? But that phrase was absolutely right as it happened to me when I gave and did everything for my ex just to see he dumped me and rarely appreciated it. Therefore, in order to avoid unnecessary pain, please always use your head as much as your heart. Don't rush or jump in before you really know who you are dealing with.

[answerme_tender]

Sounds like he fairly honest from beginning. He is still MARRIED only been separated for 2months so I would have put him in the OFF LIMITS category from the very start. As he said going through a divorce, he is NOT LOOKING for any serious relationship. He is looking to get for some female comfort and to get laid!

I would like to commend you for being upfront with this man about having herpes, unfortuantely most people just don't have the personnel character that you have shown!!

Honestly Pink you are wadding into a pond of quick sand. Even though he has been honest you keep walking into this pond, and unfortuantely you are going to be left alone to sink!! You have already gone through too much to be dragged into this mans life. You need to remember that you were looking when you found him, his is one fish you had better throw back until he is ready for a real relationship.

You are nothing more then his rebound right now. Obviously with his fear lets be honest he hasn't been able to meet any other lady right yet, otherwise he would have been long gone by now!!

Brush him off and keep moving forward with your life. If you stop and think about it you probably wouldn't of thought you would have come this far on your own!! But look around you HAVE!! Keep going lady--you can do this!!

Take care

[talaniman]

Maybe you should go back online and try again. Why not??

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule #1- Never ever get involved with a married person, ever never!!!!!!

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule- If one person isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.

[Pinksneakers99]

Hey guys, thank you so much for all your comments and advise. So here is an update. We continue to talk every day without fail. This weekend he tells me to come over on Sunday to watch the superbowl. So I decide to go but with the clear idea that I don't want to be his booty call or FWB. So I go and we start making out etc, so I stop him before things get too hot and I tell him that we can't do anything cause I don't want to be just a booty call. He seems surprised that I think that and tells me that I am far from that. That he cares for me. And that if he invites me over is cause he missed me and wanted to see me. He said that the last time we saw each other and I was wearing red lipstick that he was thinking "GOd i want to kiss this girl so much". He looks at me a lot and just says my name and then he says " what am i going to do with you?" I don't know what to say so I just smile. He tends to do that a lot. So that night he says the same and then after a few minutes he says " i know what i am going to do.... I am going to give you all the love i have". I was like wow. I tell him I will meet him half way. And so after a few minutes and a couple kisses later he tells me... The last weekend we were together really scared me. I mean it was great, don't get me wront. But I saw myself getting into another serious relationship. So I made myself step back and not call you, though I really wanted to. "i dont want to waste your time.... but i really llike you, if that makes any sence." I was like no it doesn't. I can tell he likes me and it seems like he is fighting it. That night there was no sex but there was a lot of clotheless four-play. So that night he is calling me his girl and he is so attentive and lots of hugs and kisses. The next day he called to meet up for lunch and he is holding me at the mall and kissing me, then later he calls me to come over again and I stayed the night. Same thing... very sweet and attentive, made me a sandwich. Giving me multivitamins and vitamin C right before bed time lol. We were on the bed cuddling and my back was hurting. So I guess when I moved I made a face of pain. And he quickly jumped and said "Whats wrong baby, is it your back?" and then he started massaging it. So regardless of the new events I remain confused. I don't know if he wants to be with me or what. I don't know if to just be patient and take it slow, let him come to grips with his feelings. I feel like when he is with me he is all in and its like we are dating. And then the days we don't see each other we just chat online and talk on the phone but he doesn't call me baby... just hun. What is going on??

[talaniman]

It occurs to me that you give, he takes, and I think you are way to available to him. Hold something back, and if he doesn't pursue then you will know what's up. Its all lust now, being nice is what we guys do to get in your drawers.

Start keeping your clothes on. Maybe go on some real dates, and go home without the make out sessions? How about taking care of the life you have without him. That slows things down so you can think, and not get carried away by JUST intense feelings.

Confusion can be cured with facts.