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sairam123 · Jan 27, 2011, 09:16 AM

Im 21 years old and my girlfriend is 19 years old.She an NRI and stays with her aunt now.I was with this girl for almost a year. We were so much in love and we used to cherish every moment.

Last year August I had to leave to the US for a 5 months project. We were all fine even then and the relationship was going strong for the first 2 months and later one day she messaged me saying not to text or call her. I was clueless and got to know that her aunt confiscated her mobile. And then a week later she called me saying her aunt got to know everything and said she can't continue with the relationship anymore because she doesn't want to disrespect her parents and break the trust they have on her.

Now even her mom knows about us. I waited patiently for 3 months now and got back to INDIA and met her. I asked her what went wrong and she said its tough to continue. I asked her for a break of 2 years so that by then I'll be ready with a job after my master's. But she wasn't ready for it. She said its better to remain friends and we talk normally now. I LOVE HER AND WANT HER BACK!!

talaniman · Jan 27, 2011, 10:32 PM

She doesn't want you back. Keep your dignity, and self respect, and bow out of her life gracefully.

sairam123 · Jan 28, 2011, 05:19 AM

Is there any way I can get her back?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 28, 2011, 05:24 AM

Why for a year did you hide the relationship and not talk or let her parents know.

Going and talking to her father and family may be the only way. **** if she is telling the truth and not just using that as an excuse.

talaniman · Jan 28, 2011, 07:12 AM

You are allowed to talk normally with her. That would be a way to get the facts, and see if her parents have other plans for her future. Fr. Chuck asks a very good question, as to why her family doesn't know you, have never been introduced. Especially to her aunt.

Are you of a suitable caste?

sairam123 · Jan 28, 2011, 08:24 AM

We're of the same caste and her family knows who I'm... Her aunt says no to this because she feels my girlfriend needs to concentrate on her studies and if something goes wrong, her parents will blame her aunt... trust me I'm good in studies and I have left my research assistance and $3000 grant for her and got back to india.. I need time to talk to her dad because I need to finish my masters and have a job in hand to actually approach her dad... this is going to take a minimum of 3 years...

Her mom and sis knows me too... but I haven't met any of them personally as they live in doha

talaniman · Jan 28, 2011, 08:55 AM

Her aunt says no to this because she feels my girlfriend needs to concentrate on her studies and if something goes wrong, her parents will blame her aunt

I am sure you can understand her concerns, and she must do as told, so what's so bad about talking normally until you both have accomplished your educational goals? What have her grades been like, and just because she is not your official girlfriend, please tell me what has changed from before that has you so worried? The texting? Dating? Phone calls?

Seems to me they adults are signaling for you to slow down, and take care of the business of being educated, and what's wrong with that. Define normal talking. Is she willing to talk with you regularly?

sairam123 · Jan 28, 2011, 05:46 PM

You she does talk to me normally and in fact initiates a conversation (texting) everyday... I totally accept that we need to wait and concentrate on what is more important now, EDUCATION.. But what has changed is the way she talks.. The only concern is what will happen after I graduate this year May?. I'll be going off to the US for master's and that's again long distance... I can't see her face and things might change drastically..

The adults (her aunt mainly) are forcing her to get out from this and move on... It has got nothing to do with me but they're more concerned about her future.

talaniman · Jan 28, 2011, 08:28 PM

I can certainly understand that. So should you. But all you can do is accept her situation, and deal with it. Maybe reassure her that you will still be in contact with her, and then follow through with on your words, as you both get the grades, and career in order, just in case there is a hope for the future. Time will tell. It's a risk you have to take that things will work out, and if you are meant to be together you will be but, not right now the way you want it to be.