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NukeNC · Mar 8, 2011, 08:31 PM

Wow. I am losing it. I have been feeling a little better lately but I keep getting what I can only describe as flashes, which instantly remind of our relationship and something I really miss about it. Whether it be the time we sat in the park or a time we were intimate. It really sucks to have to think about these thoughts.

16 days so far... I really wish I could just move past this.

talaniman · Mar 8, 2011, 08:37 PM

The flash backs are normal, and as long as you don't do anything foolish, you will get beyond them because the condition is temporary.

16 days, keep it going.

amicon · Mar 8, 2011, 10:44 PM

And when you wake up tomorrow it will be day 17-keep going.

NukeNC · Mar 13, 2011, 11:58 AM

I am trying so hard to let go of her, for some reason... the past 4 days have been really hard. I don't know what it is, I try to stay off her Facebook because I know I'm just going to get hurt from what I see. But, I'm always looking for a sparkle of hope that I know is never going to be there. I'm not thinking about getting back with her anymore, because I'm beginning to realize that its not going to happen. She doesn't want to be with me, so why would I want to be with her? That's just the thing. I do want to be with her! And its terrible! I thought this was getting easier, I was even going to make an entry in here and explain that I'm moving on and it would be my last entry. But, no... things keep popping up in my face. I keep trying to tell myself to stop worrying, she won't move on that fast. But, she is... she is leaving me behind, and that's what she wants so I can't do a god damn thing to stop it and its killing me inside.

I wish I could forget her. I wish we would have broken up when we took that break sophomore year that long 3 years ago. I don't want this, I never wanted any of this. Why did she do this? After all the love, caring things I did, always treated her as best I could, put her before me in every situation, why did she hurt me like this? I just don't understand. I don't think I ever will. I know things will get easier eventually, and I keep telling myself to fight it off. But, I can only fight off so much... I always feel this pit in my stomach trying to hold my feelings for her back and let her go. I want to talk to her so bad, but I know it will just bring pain on. I know I can't... It will just make things worse. But, I truly don't know what to do anymore... I'm lost. I wish I could close my eyes and this would all go away. She told me that this is incredibly hard, well... she can't imagine what its like for me. She broke my heart, and no matter how much I resent her for it I still want to be with her. No matter how much I don't want to want that, I do.

I know its over... I know things aren't going to fix, and there isn't a damn thing I can do to change that. I think that's why I've had such trouble accepting this the past few days, because I'm finally after 3 weeks... accepting that. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad...

talaniman · Mar 13, 2011, 12:09 PM

Just curious as to your strategy with coping when those bad feeling arise within you? Other than writing about them?

Its tough in the early days for sure, but that means you have to be even tougher.

amicon · Mar 13, 2011, 12:10 PM

Stay off FB,going cold turkey is very painful,but you're better off feeling the pain and working your way through it here and now.

And you'll find that day by day it gets less and less until one day it'll be nothing more than a memory.

The thing is to keep busy and do the things you enjoy,even if you feel like not getting out of bed.

Acting as if you're OK helps even if you feel like you've hit rock bottom.

Most of us here have been where you are now and we worked our way through it.

NukeNC · Mar 13, 2011, 12:30 PM

I keep a journal to write about it excluding writing about it on here. It went from me writing in it every day, to every three days, and now once a week if that. I also try to talk to some close friends about it, but I have a feeling that they are getting annoyed with it because its all I talk about.

I feel like she is moving on too, there was this one guy who I suspected she had a crush on when we were still together and now she is having him over to her dorm and becoming friends with his brother who doesn't even go to the school. I know it's a mixture of paranoia in there as well, but god damnit... it sucks. Its been three weeks. Now, I've heard it all before the whole "she's moving on, so you should too." but I don't feel ready to move on at all. I'm still completely broken up about it, and I don't want to rebound some girl off my past relationship either. So, I'm forced to just watch.

The thing is, I don't want to keep holding on like I am. I want to let go, so I can stop feeling this way. But, I can't. I'm trying to keep her as far away from the center of my attention as possible... but for some reason.. even though when I make a pact to stay off Facebook, within an hour or two of saying it I will cave and get back on. I don't want to be like this at all. I want to forget. But, I don't know how to handle this in any way.

amicon · Mar 13, 2011, 12:47 PM

That's when keeping busy and staying away from your laptop helps-go to the gym?
Go for a run?
Do stuff with your friends and find other things to talk about.

And it doesn't matter if she is moving on,or how,what matters is that you take the best possible care of yourself and how you move on.

It's about you,nobody else.

Wondergirl · Mar 13, 2011, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by NukeNC

The thing is, I don't want to keep holding on like I am. I want to let go, so I can stop feeling this way. But, I can't. I'm trying to keep her as far away from the center of my attention as possible... but for some reason.. even though when I make a pact to stay off facebook, within an hour or two of saying it I will cave and get back on. I don't want to be like this at all. I want to forget. But, I don't know how to handle this in any way.

It is your choice. It's the same as being an alcoholic and wanting to stop drinking. You make the CHOICE to not take that drink, even if there are people around you who are drinking. You choose ice water or iced soda or yummy Pepsi on ice. You steel yourself, and say no to the alcohol. It takes self discipline, self control, mindfulness. But you say no to yourself, to your id, and get on with your life.

She is your alcohol. She is your snack food when you want to lose weight. She is the wallet that someone left lying on the checkout desk. She is your opportunity to make the right choice and to mature.

talaniman · Mar 13, 2011, 12:54 PM

TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN

That's my personal coping strategy for getting beyond the hurt. The options for new friends, new experiences, new skills, new discoveries about YOURSELF, is endless!

I call it CREATIVE PERSONAL EXPANSION. Be a volunteer, its eye opening, and gets you out of self! Why sit on your butt and re-feel your own misery over, and over again?

NukeNC · Mar 14, 2011, 12:14 PM

Little update for everybody. I don't think I am going to talk to her in a week like I planned. Its become more and more obvious that if she wanted to be with me, she would be with me. Going to talk to her would just cause a whole lot of heart ache that I really don't need, so I will not be going to see her.

Wondergirl · Mar 14, 2011, 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by NukeNC

Little update for everybody. I don't think I am going to talk to her in a week like I planned. Its become more and more obvious that if she wanted to be with me, she would be with me. Going to talk to her would just cause a whole lot of heart ache that I really don't need, so I will not be going to see her.

Yyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

amicon · Mar 14, 2011, 12:38 PM

Bingo!!
Keep up the good work.

NukeNC · Mar 14, 2011, 12:50 PM

I will try. But, as you guys have seen... I tend to be on the ups and downs lately. Today is the first day in 5 days that I haven't been so bad.

amicon · Mar 14, 2011, 12:59 PM

The ups and downs are normal,but I think you have turned a corner-well done!

NukeNC · Mar 31, 2011, 01:17 PM

Update: So we talked once again about two weeks ago. And the only notable thing she said was "I'm happier this way." this was really the break through point for me. It made me realize that their really is nothing I can do to fix this. So, its been a little over 2 weeks now since we talked and I have no desire to talk to her. I can't say that I'm completely over her, but I've given up the possibility of thinking I can win her back. I'm going with the sense that if our paths cross again someday, then great but I'm going at this like its permanent.

Thanks to everyone for your advice! :)

Wondergirl · Mar 31, 2011, 01:45 PM

I am so glad that you have stayed in touch with us. Too often we never hear the end of the story.

I definitely wish you well. This experience has been a good thing for you (and for us too) -- good, because it has taught you some important lessons about relationships and life (and has reminded us of how much we have progressed).

amicon · Mar 31, 2011, 10:40 PM

Thank you for telling us that and good luck!

NukeNC · Apr 16, 2011, 11:08 PM

So... As everybody who has seen this thread knows, my girlfriend and me broke up about 2 months ago. Honestly, it was heartbreaking for me but I got through it and although I can't say I'm completely over her, I'm a lot further along than I was.

But, instead of starting a new thread about the same girl... I'll just continue this. We have seized talking, and I've eliminated any chance of us being friends for a very long time. I found this to be the best thing to do for me, as I could never look at her as just a friend.

The thing is... this girl who I dated for 4 1/2 years is already dating someone new. Now, I know... rebound relationship and all that jazz. But, who does that to a person? It drives me insane to see somebody who I cared for so much, just spit in my face like that. Now, 2 months is quite a chunk of time even though this started started around a month ago... but, 4 1/2 years and jumping into another relationship right off the bat. What's that? I would never do that to somebody, at least not make it public to the world to see so soon. I'm not really upset or mad at this, I'm hurt. I don't even want this girl back, it just sucks to know how little our relationship meant to her.

Am I wrong to feel this way?

amicon · Apr 17, 2011, 12:15 AM

There's seldom any wrong or right about feelings,it's how we act,or react to our feelings that can make or break us.

She's doing what she's doing because that's who she is and you'll never have any answers to your questions.

Accept that this is what's going on in her life-leave it behind you and keep moving on.

And,by the way,thanks for sticking to your original thread!:-)