[JudyKayTee]

I will admit I haven't read this whole thread. I also was a victim of rape. I am traumatized at the thought of being abused, tied up, raped. It is bad enough to relive the event in my head; I can't imagine acting it out.

I am far better than I used to be but I cannot be restrained during sex - the worst part is if for whatever reason my legs are pinned down. I still have nightmares.

I do not and did not have a victim look about me - but I do think that some men can sense any weakness in some women. Maybe that's the problem.

If this is enough of a problem to be concerned, I'd speak to someone about it.

My experience with rough sex has been what is sufficiently rough today may not be rough enough tomorrow. I'd find out the what/why now before this becomes a worse problem.

[worthlessfem]

Hi there. I'm Donna and I am 30 years old. When I was 18 I was raped and, like you, it's affected my whole life.

Basically I've found it impossible to have sex or any kind of relationship with a man that doesn't seem to involve his dominance and my subservience. I feel dirty, worthless, and the guy made me feel that it was MY fault that I got raped.

Even now I STILL feel that in my heart and no amount of counselling or head talk can wash away my sense of guilt.

I don't know what the answer is; in my own case I married a man who understands what happened and who knows how I feel. He has helped me to come to terms with my own deeply submissive nature and (even though he is always careful and quite obviously doesn't really enjoy what I make him do to me) it does act as some sort of catharsis.

I don't believe anyone ever gets over rape to be honest; man or woman. (I've got a male friend who was raped by three gay guys as a teenager and he still can't bear his own wife to touch him in his anal area.)

Remember you are the victim and your feelings are NOT your fault or even any reason for YOU to feel ashamed of yourself.

(Yes, I know from personal experience how hard it is to believe that in your own heart!)