[imconfused.com.]

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2yrs. He has his own flat but stays at mine most of the time.
When we first met he couldn't keep his hands off me, and the sex was the best I have ever had.
He is a very loving partner and tells me every day how much he loves me, he tells me I'm beautiful and wants to be with me forever!
When in public or even at home, he kisses and touches me constantly and even when we go to bed he cuddles and touches me but this is as far as it goes.
As soon as I get aroused he backs off and turns away, leaving me feeling rather foolish and frustrated.
The only time we have sex but not always is the morning after we have had a night out and I stay at his flat.
I have tried talking to him and he tells me not to be so stupid as there is nothing wrong with him, he will just say that he loves me so much and wouldn't do anything to hurt or upset me.
I have tried everything from sexy undies to, wait for it! Long socks as he said he loves these, but the only thing they were good for was cold feet, I have tried turning away from him in bed and not being responsive, he will ask me why I'm being like this to which I tell him I didn't think he wanted to be with me, he will say "thats not true" and still not have sex with me, I have been doing this for the last 2 months and still nothing, he still acts as if there is nothing wrong.
I recently looked at his computer and found out that he has been looking at porn, which doesn't bother me although porn with young women (nothing illegal) just allot younger than us, we are both in our 40s.
I have confronted him about this and he said he would never look at anything like that although admitted looking at porn, (I suppose there's not much call for 40 something porn)?
I struggle to believe him as he as lied to me quite a few times since we have been together, not about anything major, usually about saying he was staying in when he was going out drinking and about a text he received from some girl he used to know which he said he knew nothing about it.
Anyway talking is out of the question as he will not acknowledge there is anything wrong.
He has now asked to move in with me but I have serious concerns as I was already in a 20yr relationship that I put up with for the kids sake, I really don't want to get involved in another if I'm unsure.
All my friends tell me how lovely he is and they are right in a way as he does everything for me, even my ironing lol, gives me money if I need it or even if I don't, lets me use his car while he uses my old banger and takes me and my son on holiday, but these things mean nothing to me, I would gladly give it all up for someone who wants to be with me both in and out of bed.
I know he doesn't have a problem sexually as he is not shy about masturbating, which makes me feel even worse.
Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable, should I give up sex altogether and just be happy with what I have? Or should I give him up? I'm so so confused.

[BrandonGT]

If he can't give you what you want, you may have to look elsewhere. Don't compromise with your happiness.

[Cat1864]

Actually, he could still have erectile problems even if he is masturbating.

I would not take the next step of living together until he starts communicating. If at all possible, sit down with him and talk with him. Be honest but try not to be confrontational. You don't want to put him on the defensive. Let him know how much you care about him and are appreciative of his generosity in all other areas of the relationship. Let him know that this one part worries you. If he is having problems or misgivings about intercourse, then he needs to face them and get help. Any issues he is having could be symptoms of other health problems.

If he won't sit down and talk with you about the problems, then write them down and give the paper to him to read.

Communication and compromise as you already know are two very big components of a healthy relationship.

Please don't get so frustrated that you end up violating his privacy to get clues. If he won't share on his own, then you have an answer.

[CravenMorhead]

Just a note, there is a decent amount of Mature porn out there. He is just getting the seed for a fantasy.

It comes down to what you want and what you're willing to give up and how important your priorities are. How important is sex compared to the rest of the relationship? Is sex really important to you?

You're sexually frustrated, that is apparent, and if is not wanting to hurt you and what not, then he is doing a piss poor job of it. I think you honestly need to tell him that he is hurting and upsetting you. Tell him what you want and what you need. If he can't capitulate... then it might be time to weigh the consequences of this and the longevity of the relationship.

Good luck!