[djbowens]

Some background information can be found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...er-518609.html

My sister, Liz (32), has been dating another girl, M (27), for about four months. My sister has two children, Makenzie (14) and Keenan (8), from previous relationships. Liz's previous relationship of 5 years with a woman, Amy, ended because of M. My sister met her out at a club one night when Amy was out of town and ended up cheating on Amy with her. A few days later, Liz ended her relationship with Amy and immediately began dating M (more details about this breakup can be found at the link posted above).

Liz and M's relationship has been rocky from the beginning. They fight all of the time and at the beginning Liz used to call me every few days to say that her and M had broken up. Needless to say, they're still together and things have only gotten worse. A few days ago I got a call from my niece and she told me that Liz and M had had a big fight. Apparently, she didn't know what started the argument, but it was so bad that Liz had taken Makenzie and Keenan over to her ex-girlfriend, Amy's house. She didn't want to say much more so she begged me to call her mom. When I called my sister, she told me that the fight started over something so small that she couldn't even remember what it was, but it had escalated to the point that M pushed her up against a wall and was screaming in her face. When Liz finally broke free, she took her kids to Amy's house and told M that she wanted her out of their house by the time she got home from work that evening. Liz also told me she'd call me after she got home from work and let me know how things went with M.

I never heard from my sister that night, so I called my niece the next day. I had a feeling that since she didn't call, then she had probably "worked things out" with M AGAIN, and of course I was right. My niece informed me that apparently everything was "ok" now and that Liz was coming to pick up her and her brother the next day. Makenzie became really upset and told me she didn't want to go home with M there because of what happened. I also became upset because I think my sister is making a huge mistake. This girl has caused nothing but drama since she's been a part of my sister's life. They argue and fight all of the time and now it's gotten to the point where she has put her hands on my sister! I just can't understand why Liz wants to keep her around after that. Her kids are unhappy, M is obviously controlling and abusive, but for some reason, Liz still sees something in her that makes it impossible for her to let go.

I told my sister that I was upset that she had "fixed" things with M. I also told her I thought she was being selfish and immature. She needs to think about what effect this relationship is having on others, myself included, but most importantly her children. They don't like M and on top of it, they were in the house when she became violent with my sister. I don't want my niece and nephew around this girl. I think she is unstable and must have some issues that she needs to work on. My brother told me that the first time he met her, he had asked her what had brought her to Lexington - where we live - (she is from a very very very small town) and her answer was that her parents used to beat her. I've already voiced my opinion to my sister, to no avail of course, but I am very concerned for her kids. I told her that if it happened once, it can happen again, but her excuse is that "it can also not happen again." I just don't know what to do or if there is anything I can do. Her birthday is in a week and I know she doesn't want me to be mad at her, but I don't want to be around her girlfriend. I've lost respect for her and I think my sister is making a huge mistake by keeping her around. What should I do? Or should I even do anything? Any input is much appreciated!

[talaniman]

I think this is a case where you support your sister from afar, you and your brother because, until she is ready to change things, or get sick and tired of this situation, it will continue.

Bad deal this is, especially for her kids, but you are helpless, so watch over her children, and just be there for them, and hope your sister wakes up soon.