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    Heather1229's Avatar
    Heather1229 Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jan 10, 2007, 07:18 PM
    I need good advice
    Well I just got out of a relationship with my ex and we were together for about a year and a half and when we broke up I didn't seem to feel a thing. I wasn't upset or anything. I was actually relieved. Now I'm in a relationship with a new guy and we've only been together for about 2 months and for some reason I feel way more attached to him than I was with my ex. My new boyfriend upsets me so much though. I haven't seen him in 5 days. I don't drive yet.. I'm only 16.. so I can't drive to see him so the only time I get to see him is when he drives down here. The past couple days it seems like he's been making up excuses not to come be with me. On Sunday, he couldn't come stay over because he had to take someone to work in the morning. I understood that and wasn't angry. On Monday, he chose to work on his truck all day and totally forget about coming to see me. Yesterday he decided he'd rather hang with his friends than me. And today he said he was sick so I wasn't mad he didn't come over. Plus tomorrow I have work late so he won't be able to come over after work so that's another day I won't be able to see him. It just feels like he'd rather be doing everything else except being with me. I feel like I'm too attached to him & I don't want to break up with him because I really do like him a lot. Am I overreacting or do I have a reason to be mad? I need to know. :confused:
    admiralsfan's Avatar
    admiralsfan Posts: 23, Reputation: 3
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    #2

    Jan 10, 2007, 07:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Heather1229
    Well I just got out of a relationship with my ex and we were together for about a year and a half and when we broke up I didn't seem to feel a thing. I wasn't upset or anything. I was actually relieved. Now I'm in a relationship with a new guy and we've only been together for about 2 months and for some reason I feel way more attached to him than I was with my ex. My new boyfriend upsets me so much though. I haven't seen him in 5 days. I don't drive yet.. I'm only 16.. so I can't drive to see him so the only time I get to see him is when he drives down here. The past couple days it seems like he's been making up excuses not to come be with me. On Sunday, he couldn't come stay over because he had to take someone to work in the morning. I understood that and wasn't angry. On Monday, he chose to work on his truck all day and totally forget about coming to see me. Yesterday he decided he'd rather hang with his friends than me. And today he said he was sick so I wasn't mad he didn't come over. Plus tomorrow I have work late so he won't be able to come over after work so that's another day I won't be able to see him. It just feels like he'd rather be doing everything else except being with me. I feel like I'm too attached to him & I don't want to break up with him because I really do like him a lot. Am I overreacting or do I have a reason to be mad? I need to know. :confused:
    I'm going to play devil's advocate: You have to work late tomorrow. Should he be mad at you because you're not doing something with him when he has time?

    This is only a span of a couple of days. If it turns into weeks like this, then you have a reason to be mad and you should definitely talk to him about it. Also, you two should talk of planning when you will get together. You both have other things going on in your lives besides each other, right?
    TheSavage's Avatar
    TheSavage Posts: 564, Reputation: 96
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    #3

    Jan 10, 2007, 07:43 PM
    In my mind your at the age that if your smart and lucky you will have 4 or 5 at least more boy friends and at least the same # of years before you find the right guy.
    What I read in your post is that Seeing you is not very high on his list of priorities.

    Does any one else see anything disrespectful in the post above?
    Heather1229's Avatar
    Heather1229 Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Jan 10, 2007, 07:43 PM
    See the thing is, is that we do plan on when we're going to see each other. Since Monday we've had it planned to spend the day together but every day I get home from school and he gets home from work he tells me another reason why he can't come down and the reason always seems like something he'd rather do than something he HAS to do. If what he had to do were important enough I don't think I would mind but it just seems like he's choosing these things over me. Yeah I do have to work late tomorrow but I've had the past 4 days off which was plenty of time for him to come and see me. We both have friends and other things to do outside of each other and I don't mind giving him his space for that because I would like mine too but I just feel angry that I haven't seen him in days.
    If any of that makes sense, lol.
    TheSavage's Avatar
    TheSavage Posts: 564, Reputation: 96
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    #5

    Jan 10, 2007, 07:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Heather1229
    See the thing is, is that we do plan on when we're going to see each other. Since Monday we've had it planned to spend the day together but every day I get home from school and he gets home from work he tells me another reason why he can't come down and the reason always seems like something he'd rather do than something he HAS to do. If what he had to do were important enough I don't think I would mind but it just seems like he's choosing these things over me. Yeah I do have to work late tomorrow but I've had the past 4 days off which was plenty of time for him to come and see me. We both have friends and other things to do outside of each other and I don't mind giving him his space for that because I would like mine too but I just feel angry that I haven't seen him in days.
    If any of that makes sense, lol.
    Lol really you just answered your starting post didn't you? "he's choosing these things over me"
    Heather1229's Avatar
    Heather1229 Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Jan 10, 2007, 07:58 PM
    I look at it as him choosing to do other things over coming to see me. I'm not sure if this is what's really happening though. I figured a couple people's opinions on the topic will probably make me understand this situation better. I didn't know if I was overreacting or if I really did have a reason to be mad. I have the tendency to over exaggerate things and I thought maybe this would be one of those times. I'm just wondering if I should worry about him doing this or if I should just shut up because it's not a big deal.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Jan 10, 2007, 08:12 PM
    Hello are you listening here!! Like everyone has said you are not a high priority on his list. He has other things he would rather do. Its too much trouble to drive and see you. Why be mad when you can be getting a life you enjoy without him. How far away is he any way?
    Heather1229's Avatar
    Heather1229 Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Jan 10, 2007, 08:14 PM
    He's about a half hour away from me.
    Karolina's Avatar
    Karolina Posts: 37, Reputation: 6
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    #9

    Jan 10, 2007, 08:14 PM
    Heather,
    You are very young and doing what most girls and women do all the time... we analyse everything! It's hard for me to tell you that you are over exaggerating but I can tell you, since I am twice your age, that men who want to be with their girlfriends and vice versa will make an effort to do so.

    I'm not giving you the advice in which you should leave him, but please know that you are just beginning your life in the dating scene. Please make decisions based on what you think is best for you and not worrying about what is going on in his life. If there is one gift that I wish I could have had when I was a teen dating was to make decisions best for me instead of wasting my time making excuses for other people.

    If his treatment is bothering you then that is a valid reason to initiate a change in your life. Start practicing this behaviour now as you will only become stronger in future problems. Good luck to you :)
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #10

    Jan 10, 2007, 09:17 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Heather1229
    I feel like I'm too attached to him & I don't want to break up with him because I really do like him a lot.
    Maybe he feels that way too, and doesn't want a clingy girlfriend.


    Quote Originally Posted by Heather1229
    Am I overreacting or do I have a reason to be mad? I need to know. :confused:
    You've been going out a couple of months. He's probably already bored with you because you always want to be with him.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #11

    Jan 10, 2007, 09:18 PM
    I think you're overreacting. You are running the risk of becoming too needy and clingy and not giving him any space. It's actually good that he limits the time he spends with you. It's healthy on his part and shows that he has a life besides you. What you need to do is follow suit. Put more energy into your own life, whether it be friends, job, hobbies, whatever and don't spend so much time thinking or obsessing about him and being angry that he doesn't spend more time with you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #12

    Jan 10, 2007, 09:19 PM
    When the wife and I first met she lived about a half hour away or about 30 miles and we hooked up every chance we could with our work schedule being what it was. I would deive up or meet her at the train station and drive her home. If a guy likes you he will find away to be with you.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #13

    Jan 11, 2007, 01:17 PM
    Women over analyze??

    No way!!
    varaprasad's Avatar
    varaprasad Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Jan 11, 2007, 01:30 PM
    Concentrate on good things in Life. making babies and having initimate relations is not the happiness it is contrary.Before you end up pregnant with a broke Bum ,get a hold of yourself and join college get good education and take care of yourself and love and respect yourself.

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