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sunshine303 · Jan 10, 2007, 02:03 PM

My husband and I have been separated for 8 months. We have 3 children total, but none together. We have been married for less than three years. Well, he kicked me out on my butt eight months ago, and still hasn't filed for a divorce. The first few months were very hard, and we argued a lot. But not anymore. We get along great, and the kids still want to see each other. We even spent new years together. It is bothering me because I don't want to turn into "friends". We are still legally married so I also feel obligated to stay devoted to him, and he refuses to talk about if we are going to work it out, or not. So I just wait patiently and hope that he will come around. Some days I want to give up and tell him to not call me anymore. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I need someone who will love me, not just be my friend. My question is should I give up, or keep being there for him, and wait for his decision? He has been there for me during some tough times and I hate to just push him away. HELP!

BIM · Jan 10, 2007, 02:54 PM

I would have to say to go file for divorce. He kicked you out, why wait any longer? You can be divorced, have a relationship with someone else, and still get along fine, the way you say you are.

I wouldn't wait around for him, file yourself. Unless you still have feelings for him and want to work things out with him. But if he does not, then you file.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 10, 2007, 02:59 PM

Of course a divorce is a lot easier if you are doing it like friends, One issue is of course who owns the home, if it is jointly, he can't just "kick you out" and actually in many states even if it is in his name he still can't just "kick you out" you have legal rights in many states just to go back into the home of your husband.

But it appears you agreed to leave and did leave.

If it was me, I would try and get him to go with your to marriage counseling, if he refused, sue for divorce and if he wants to save the marriage he will at that point, if not, you move on with your life.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 10, 2007, 03:07 PM

My question to you is what was the reason for him kicking you out on your butt?

sunshine303 · Jan 10, 2007, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

My question to you is what was the reason for him kicking you out on your butt?

Well, we both have a temper, and sometimes our fights would get out of hand. Both verbally, and physically. We didn't fight too much but when we did it would not be good. The majority of our marriage was great. There was no infedelity, and we love each other very much. Many times we would agree to start going to church and counseling, but never really followed through. So this last fight, he just decided we needed to split. He had a job, and I did not at the time so he knew I could not afford to pay rent, so he kicked me out. It has been a long hard road, but I picked myself up. He knows he loves me and we have something good, but he is scared to try again, because of the fighting, and he is scared to divorce me because he doesn't want to regret doing that either. I feel the same way sometimes, but I also believe we can work this out if we really try.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 10, 2007, 03:31 PM

I believe you can both work it out as well. The thing that concerns me is getting in fights that are verbal and physical. That is the part that concerns me most. Is it mostly verbal and physical by him or is it you or both of you together. I do believe that church is very important for both of you, that counseling is very important especially with the tempers, it can not be good. If you do not, or he does not try again, then you will never know what it could be like but I would defiantly recommend councel for sure.

Joe

s_cianci · Jan 13, 2007, 11:14 PM

I'd tell him that you can't go on living in limbo like this any longer and that you're going to file for divorce. That may light a fire under him. IF it doesn't, then file for the divorce.

chippers · Jan 14, 2007, 11:06 PM

I agree with fr chuck on the housing bit. If its in both your names he can't just throw you out. The fact the arguments get physical is a BIG red flag. No one has the right to raise their hand in anger to anyone. You've been separated for 8 months.he refuses to talk about the future or councilling. You don't need to wait for him to get off the pot so you need to put a lid on it. Take resonsiblility for you life and future. Staying in limbo isn't helping you or the kidss all its doing is prolonging the pain. File for legal separation and petition for divorce. Its an emotional heart ache. But the limbo factor I think is worse. You're your own woman and have the right to do as you please with whom you please. You don't need the lout's permission to live as you please. He made that clear when he tossed you out. Which in my opinion is very ungallant of him to toss out his wife and her children. My concern is that the phycial altercations can escalate. Good luck and God bless.