[ksarpal]

So I've been going out with this girl for little under a year. Everything was perfect between us until a few a weeks ago. From the start of our relationship, I recent had just gotten out of a serious one. I was going out with my ex for about 3years, and the last year of that relationship was pretty rocky. I knew it was coming to an end, so long story short, we broke up. With my current girlfriend we had just meet during the time I broke it off with my ex. We where only friends, but I noticed that there was some potential between us. After about 2months of just being single we started dating, and evnually start going out.
We clicked so good, everything was perfect. After about a few months I got to meet her family, who LOVE ME. I found myself pretty much living at her place. About 4months ago, she got the opportunity to work in Europe. This was something she has being wanting to do since she was in high school. I didn't like the fact of the distances between us, but I didn't want to hold her back from her dreams.
So I agreed and told her if she wants to go, by all means, and she did. After about 2months, we missed each other lot, we would talk pretty much every day, and everything was going perfect. I even flew out to see her after about 2months. So when I got there, it was fine... we were all good. She got 2 weeks off work, so we decided to travel around Europe. I pretty much worked my *** off and saved a **** load of money just so I could show her a good time.
Since I've been back, I'm actually a full time student at uni and working full time plus over time so I could make some of the cash back which I spent out there. I been pretty much supporting her since the start of the relationship. Money really isn't an issue; I don't mind spend it on her. As long as she's happy.
However, about a week ago, we got into a fight. What happened was, I messaged her on Skype and she never replied. So I just thought she was busy doing whatever, and just out and about. So after about 2 hrs, I messaged her again... and still no reply, thinking she's probably out still, I waited afew more hrs. So about 5hrs as gone by and I message her again... still nothing. In a previous conversation I had with her, she told me sometimes she wouldn't get me messages, so I just thought maybe that the case. I knew her Skype password, so what it did was login just to see if she was actually getting them. So I logined in and all these conversations started popping up and I could see she was writing to her friends, but ignoring me. :S That this point I had no clue what was going on, so I signed back into mine and messaged her asking why she's ignoring me? She skype calls me and I'm like what's going on, why you haven't been writing back... She goes on to tell me she was out all day and wasn't even at the computer... so right then and there I caught her lying. So I told her that I logined into her skype and I could see she was at the computer. This is when she BLEW UP. Starting yelling at me about how I don't trust her and a bunch of random stuff. This just got me thinking about everything, why she would lie about something for stupid and dumb, and now what else she's being lying to me about. Then she mentions that she wants a break, and wants time to think about everything about us. I was never expecting this.
During the fight she kept yelling at me about my ex, and saying it doesn't make sense how we broke up or anything. And that she's so confused about the time we started going out. I know that I didn't really take too much time before jumping into another relationship, but it felt right and I actually liked her. So at this point she wants a break. I don't believe in breaks, and I even told her that. However she said she needs time and I really care and love her, so I agreed. She told me that I'm single now and take we shouldn't talk for at least a month until she's back. She's coming back home soon cause her work term is over now. She said she wants time to think everything over without talking to me. I'm so hurt right now and I can't even think straight. I love this girl so much and I've honestly done everything for her. Every Sunday I've been going over to her grents place for dinner while she's been in Europe, and she says to still go. I'm so confused about what she's thinking, and just wondering if she just playing with me. I told her I'd give her a break but I can't help myself from writing her something pretty much every day, and she replies telling me to stop and to leave her alone. That she only wants to talk when she home. However she randomly messages me, asking me to send her something to Europe, so I did. So at this point she's only talking to me when she needs something. I'm hurting so bad and I have no clue what to think or do. I told her that its hard on me to just stop talking to her, when we were talking pretty much every day. She tells me that its hard on her to, but her Facebook status say otherwise... her last posts have been about her partying. I'm no lost and confused, I have no clue what to think or do.

[chuff]

First thing. That is very hard to read which is going to limit your responses.

So let's get to the gist of this. She wants a break for a month. That means she wants to break up with you, but by putting a month on it it makes it easier for you to hear while at the same time, it keeps you in limbo. I employee several people and I've never told one of them that I was going to fire them for a month. You either gone or your not. I feel that holds over to relationships. If she wanted to be in it, she would. She wouldn't need a "break."

Accept this for what it is, it is a break up and it is now time to finish what she started. Break up and move forward.

[Wondergirl]

Consider this "break" permanent. Stop sending her money and "stuff." It's over. Stick a fork in it. It's done. Do No Contact and move forward with your life. Heal from this before you get into another relationship.

[Enigma1999]

I concur with Chuff.

To me, if you are in a relationship, then you are. If you're not, then you're not.

Who takes a 30 day break? What? In 30 days she will have her mind made up. On top of that, you must wait for her?

It almost seems as if she has to have some control oer this, which I don't like.

Either you want me or you don't. Plain and simple.

Not much more I need to add here, other then good luck.

[ksarpal]

so I found out why she's upset and wants a break. Since day one of our relationship, she believes I've been lying about what happened with my ex. The story is that we were together for about 3years, and I really wasn't into her after about the 2nd. All we would do it fight about random dumb things. I ended up staying with her because I felt bad, because she was super attached, but I came to my senses and broke it off. I told her everything about my past relationship and what happened between us; I told her how my ex bad a bad relationship with my sisters and parents, which family is super important to me. Also how she admitted to me that she cheated on me.

I told her that we broke up in Oct, and that we stayed friends but that was it. So apparently she's confused about everything I told her, and she never really believed that I was telling the true. She never brought anything up until now. She feels that I still have feelings for her and that everything I told her was a lie. I found out that she has been messaging my ex, asking her why we broke up, how her relationship with my family and if we ever talked after we broke up, and when we broke up.

I found out what my ex pretty much lied to her completely. She's like I was all over her and that I didn't want to break up, and how she broke up with me. She also told her that we broke up in late Dec when I was getting close with my current girlfriend. She also said that I cheated on her!! Like ***.. she completely turned everything around and made up random bs. Now she believes everything she said and thinks I lied about everything. AND I SWEAR everything she wrote her was a lie. Right now she doesn't know that I know she spoke with my ex, and she messaged me today saying that when she's back we have to talk about everything.

What just gets my so mad is that she believes her and now thinks our whole relationship is built on lies. I'm no pissed off and so depressed, I never seen this coming at all. I've treated this girl like gold, I've done everything for her. Supported her when she was having issues with school and at home. Its not like I'm just breaking up with her but also her family. We have become so tight I consider her parents as my own. As much as I know this unfair to me, I really love this girl, and just wish she'd believe me. I have told me sisters about what happened and how she lied about everything, and there willing to tell her the true.. but who knows if she's actually going to believe me

[CarrotTalker]

Wow I would be angry too.

So she would rather believe an ex-girlfriend of yours whom she doesn't even know and has no idea about her character (or how reliable she is), instead of listening and trusting what you told her after being together for a year.

Not to mention she was going behind your back trying to snoop on you.

Completely un-acceptable in my book.

[awayandalone]

I think you know what you have to do. Its tough, but if she is this untrusting now and is believing your ex over you, then most likely she will never believe you down the road. I think you should cut your losses and break up with this girl permanently. She started the "break" and wants you to wait for her, just finish it and break up with her. Things are only going to spiral into more lies and her always questioning if you are telling the truth or not. Take time to heal before your next relationship.

[Jake2008]

I find it strange that you would become so suspcious of her to the point of hacking her Skype account, and she would be so suspicious of you, that she would contact your ex girlfriend to get some history on your past relationship with her.

There could be many things wrong here. You could be painting a picture of yourself that is not entirely true. You had no reason to investigate (by hacking) why your messages were not answered as quickly as you thought they should be. That she didn't respond quick enough for you, isn't a reason to hack into anybody's personal information. To do that, violate somebody's privacy in that way, would be a big red flag to me. With or without her password that you say she gave you.

Maybe your girlfriend is feeling that the relationship has gone too far too fast. It has been less than a year after all, and she's been gone for half of it. She is likely on her own for the first time overseas, and maybe realizing that she likes the freedom and independence. She could be looking for excuses to end the relationship, by calling your ex, and choosing to believe her, rather than you. While she builds a case of 'stay' vs. 'leave' the relationship, she's thrown a month in there where she wants no contact, and you message her everyday anyway. I got the impression that the month happens to be that time because she is overseas for only another month, not that she set a specific 30 day period. In a month, she will be home, and is indicating she wants to talk when she gets home. And if she said a month, for whatever reason, she obviously meant it, and whatever her reason are for doing so, you made the choice to continue to contact her regardless.

You also say that " With my current girlfriend we had just meet during the time I broke it off with my ex." And your ex girlfriend said essentially the same thing to your current girlfriend; that your relationship was not over, and you were with both women at the same time. So you were either cheating on your ex while you were with her and not completely broken up, or your new gilfriend was unaware that you were not 'just friends'. She may now think that she was a rebound too, because you went from the frying pan directly into the fire, without any break between. You said you stayed with your ex because you felt sorry for her because she was so attached to you, which doesn't make sense then that she would have cheated in the first place. Why was that not 'the' reason for the breakup itself.

So just from what you have said, which is to essentially paint yourself as a person who is totally unaware of why your current girlfriend would have questions, is to say that you have pretty much not given straight answers. Just my opinion. Also, if the past year has had all these concerns simmering, and your new girlfriend is not convinced that you are being honest, either by not telling the truth, or by presenting the truth with a few self serving twists in it, it is far better to get the cards on the table when she gets home. If you have been dishonest with her, or have not been dishonest with her, keeping up the pressure to 'talk' via skype, isn't going to solve anything in the meantime.

At least she is being honest with you (right or wrong with her facts) that she has doubts about her relationship with you. You on the other hand, have such a hard line on her being 100% wrong about her concerns, leaves me to think that maybe she is justified in being cautious; you don't seem to see where she has any reason to question your truthfulness or commitment, yet you turn around and hack into her Skype. I don't see you saying you had anything whatsoever to do with the last breakup with your ex. It was all the ex, and you did nothing wrong.

My advice to you is to stop bugging her. Take a break (that happens to be the month before she comes home) to ease up on your expectations, and your impulse to want to correct all that she is thinking and feeling, by contacting her everyday, when she has clearly asked you not to. She is entitled to have her doubts, and questions, right or wrong, and you will not have any answers until she is home and you can hash this out in person.

In the meanwhile, maybe take this as an opportunity to also reflect on where the relationship is going. If, for whatever reason, you are totally correct, and she is totally wrong, it may be the end you will be dealing with. What will salvage the relationship, will be brutal honesty, and I don't yet see that you have much insight into why the last relationship broke up, in order to make this one a better one.

[chuff]

so i found out why shes upset and wants a break. Since day one of our relationship, she believes i've been lying about what happened with my ex. The story is that we were together for about 3years, and i really wasn't into her after about the 2nd. All we would do it fight about random dumb things. I ended up staying with her because i felt bad, because she was super attached, but i came to my senses and broke it off. I told her everything about my past relationship and what happened between us; i told her how my ex bad a bad relationship with my sisters and parents, which family is super important to me. Also how she admitted to me that she cheated on me.

I told her that we broke up in Oct, and that we stayed friends but that was it. So apparently shes confused about everything i told her, and she never really believed that i was telling the true. She never brought anything up until now. She feels that i still have feelings for her and that everything i told her was a lie. I found out that she has been messaging my ex, asking her why we broke up, how her relationship with my family and if we ever talked after we broke up, and when we broke up.

I found out what my ex pretty much lied to her completely. She's like i was all over her and that i didnt want to break up, and how she broke up with me. She also told her that we broke up in late Dec when i was getting close with my current gf. She also said that i cheated on her!!! like ***.. she completely turned everything around and made up random bs. Now she believes everything she said and thinks i lied about everything. AND I SWEAR everything she wrote her was a lie. Right now she doesnt kno that i kno she spoke with my ex, and she messaged me today saying that when shes back we have to talk about everything.

What just gets my so mad is that she believes her and now thinks our whole relationship is built on lies. I"m no pissed off and so depressed, i never seen this coming at all. I've treated this girl like gold, i've done everything for her. Supported her when she was having issues with school and at home. Its not like i'm just breaking up with her but also her family. We have become so tight i consider her parents as my own. As much as i know this unfair to me, i really love this girl, and just wish she'd believe me. I have told me sisters about what happend and how she lied about everything, and there willing to tell her the true.. but who knows if shes actually going to believe me

First let me say, this is written much better and easier to read, thank you.

Second, this is an excuse plain and simple. She's using your ex (like she used you) to place the blame for her actions on someone else. This is a break up, and I know you don't want it to be. I know you are confused and can't put your finger on it, but this is a break up, and she is toying with your emotions to keep her looking like the "good guy" in all of this while passing the "bad guy" role onto your ex. Her words are useless, but her actions really speak how cruel and heartless this woman really is. It's a break up, plain and simple.

I will say it again, finish what she started. Take this situation into your power and break up and move on.

[talaniman]

Both you people have personal issues, and baggage to deal, with and neither of you should be in a relationship until you do. That's with anyone, let alone each other. You just make an unhealthy situation even more unhealthy, and throw in some ugly too. Sorry guy, but this won't work, and she knows it won't.

There is too much mistrust, distrust, drama and BS for this to survive without doing even more damage to each others very fragile egos.

She wants a break, give it to her, but a month is not nearly enough time for you two to get your individual acts together. Try a year or more.