[luvv123]

I am married with one kid and a good husband. I never thought that I could fall in love again... it just happened. I started working and I was happy and doing my work with interest and I was totally all right in my life. I am in love with my Co-worker who joined in the same month to the company but he was in a different team. I hardly spoke with him like hi how is work like with any other Co-worker. May be we spoke 3 to 4 times after we joined to the company in 3 months. In the 3rd month, one day we were just speaking like how is work and all and he then he went on speaking and he asked what's the plan for weekend, can you come out with me to friends place. By then we were not knowing each other that we both are married. I just ignored his talk as I was just talking with him as a friend. But I thought after speaking to him, he can be my good frnd(I wanted just a friend nothing else) where you can talk as I did not had any other friend there .After he spoke to me. Some kind of feelings started within me for him. But I decided not to involve in this and to just talk like a friend as I speak with others (as my nature is to be very friendly). But I was not knowing that he was liking me from the day we joined and he was shy to communicate. Then he started writing me mails and on the same day he asked me can you come for a date. I was kind of excited as it was new for me after so many years like may be 8years. But I was so confident that I don't want to do this as I am married and have a kid. Then he called me for a coffee at work and he asked me when is a good time for me to go out for a date. I said I will see and he said he is marrried and he has 2 kids. He was pretty straight forward, he told me almost everything with the girls that he had been before marriage and he said after marriage he never went with any other girl and its me now that he liked after 10 years or so. He started asking me to come to different places like movie , restaurant and other places everyday, but I told him that I have been to all the places and I cannot come. I avoided him for 15 days, but he kept on asking. I told him that don't mistake me , I am talking to you as just a friend nothing else, he said I have not mistaken. Then I thoght OK if you have not mistaken then we can go out to restaurant but he wanted to get me ver badly as he liked me. But I never wanted to involve in this as I was aware of the consequences after you get involved in this love, you get badly hurt. Then we went out to have dinner one day as he was asking too much, then there I came to know that he likes me and he wants me. I told him before that I am married and I cannot do this and not to cheat his wife. Even though he did not leave me, he started kissing me, hugging me and all. Then I said it's not good, I don't want to do this... stop this here and lets be just frndz and I don't want to involve in this. And then I liked that moment so much even though I did not wanted to do it. I felt I want him and I liked him too, but I don't wanted to have sex whatever happens. He said he want me to the core. And then we started meeting everday after work and did kiss. He wanted more than that. We went out like this for a week and he asked me to do oral s... but I said I cannot do. Then he said if you don't like me then we will break up and he suddenly realized that he has a family and I have a family and what can we do and he also said that not that I did not agree to do but we should think what happens next. I had told all these even before going out but he said he don't feel bad about doing this but I always felt not right doing this. When he said we will break up, I was broke as I was involved too much to him without knowing and I could not be without him. Then again even he felt the same way and strated going out and did oral even though I do not wanted to, but I wanted him . Some how my husband and his wife came to know about this but we somehow managed telling them that nothing is happening. And one more thing he always said was I like you very much but I am not in love, so I asked him what is the difference b/w like and love. I thought this is love as we both used to miss each other when we are far and wanted to see each other. I wanted him to tell me that he loves me. Sometimes I felt like telling him that I love him , but I don't wanted to as he did not tell me. Always he used to ask me to come out and he wanted to see me desperately but suddenly I felt like he is not asking me anymore like he used to and I used to ask him but he wanted to see me . One day his wife caught him and serious things went on b/w them and wife told him to stop what he is doing or else she will leave him. We both never wanted to ruin our married life as we both felt they are ours, but still we wanted each other. So he called me and said the next day that he cannot see me, talk to me anymore as his wife told him. It was hard for me when I heard that, I said OK as family is important and I don't wanted to spoil it. Already how much I was involved and I cannot be without him. If he is talking to me, I was fine. I told him that at least we can talk. But he stopped talking too. I could not bear that loneliness for a day, it was like hell, I don't wanted any physical things, but I wanted him to talk to me as he used to. My condition became very bad, I could not work, I could not concentrate on anything. Just thinking about him. I am totally into him now, I want him, I just need him and I have become so crazy about him. And also he is leaving this office and joining another one as he got. I am totally upset now that he is going and moreover he is avoiding me as his wife came to know, but he said he wants me but due to circumstances he cannot. I was knowing all this would happen even before the first date but he made me somehow to fall in. And I am totally hurt, depressed, I do not no what to do. I do not want to loose him. So I have decided to talk to him about this and my condition that I cannot be without him. I am hurt too much now thinking that I knew this would happen but still I got involved and I am hurt like hell now. Somebody tell me that is this love, and did he love me according to this story and what to do next. All this happened in ome month time frame. Please advice. Thank you.

[Devorameira]

I personally think that he does not love you, but just used you. It appears that he pressured you into much more than you intended.

You cheated on your husband and risk losing him. The man will never leave his wife for you, so you really need to move on.

[answerme_tender]

luvv123


A married man who didn't even hesitate to ask you out on date, that should have been a clue that he has cheated before and will continue. Usually just someone messing around are scared of getting caught, they don't come right out and ask for a date, they ask to meet in places were they aren't known by anyone. You guy is a pro at this cheating game.

Maybe second clue could have been when he would come right out and ask for you to satisfy him sexually, but yet he wasn't even interested in satisfy you in return, that goes to prove he is out for HIMSELF. Then of course he even told you he wasn't out for love, but hey he liked you, geez he is still using the same line from when he was a teenager!!

Bottom line is you have cheated on your husband. You can try and justify it to yourself that you didn't actually sleep with him,but you would have. You broke your vows, you fell in love with this guy and wanted him to love you back. If he wouldn't of gotten frustrated like a teenage boy and broke it off you still would be with him!!

Now you have to face him at work. You probably have a reputation at work by now also, guys like him who are low lifes like to brag about their conquest!! But if your going to play the game, you better be prepared to suffer the consequences.

This would be a good time to get into some counseling for yourself, also for your marriage. Its time to make some GOOD CHOICES. See if your marriage can be salvaged. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, and yes even shameful ones like this. It what we do with the knowledge that we have learned from these and how we apply that to the rest of our lives. I hope you take those steps to get help and get your life back together, but most importantly I hope you get yourself respect back!!

[momilee]

This happens all the time. It is rarely ever a planned thing (although it does seem that he had a plan- you just didn't believe it could happen to you).

Normally this happens to people who think it could never happen to them, and think their marriage is safe. You've learned the hard way that it CAN happen to you, it did, and that if you don't guard your marriage you will get caught in this trap.

This was not love, it was lust. I know that makes it sound small, but it's not. Lust is a VERY powerful thing, like a drug, and you are on the drug right now. The only thing you can do is quit that drug COLD TURKEY. Stay away from him, do not speak to him, if your marriage is more important than your job you should get a new job. Get counseling. Get the book "Divorce Proof your marriage", or "Affair Proof your marriage", and read it to learn more about your process.

While you de-tox from the lust-drug, you will have a hard time paying attention, you will be emotional, depressed, and you may get physically ill or be unable to eat. This is normal. You will be tempted to relapse, so if he is not communicating with you be thankful because that will make it easier. If he does speak to you, tell a close friend what is going on and ask her to be your accountability partner, and try to help you stay away. (Notice I said HER. Do NOT pick a man for your accountability partner unless it is your husband, or this will happen again!)

Most of all, guard your marriage. Guard your precious child's family, because lust is not worth rocking their world upside down.