[Brusque]

I’m sorry this post is so long. I’ve tried to keep it short. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and before that we were best friends. I thought I had found the ideal girlfriend as we have a lot in common and all our friends say we make a good couple. However the way she behaves sometimes brings my mood down so much.

I feel like she doesn’t respect my decisions. Whenever I say I don’t want to go out with her uni friends she gets upset. This is because in the past when I’ve hung out with them I haven’t gotten along with them. I’m happy for her to hang out with her friends without me, but she insists she doesn’t want to go unless I’m with her, even though I won’t have a good time. I really have tried several times to get along with her friends. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn’t put that kind of pressure on her to hang out with my friends. When I try to talk to her about this, she gets upset and starts crying.

I also don’t like it when she criticises my friends, calling them “Momma’s boy” for living with their parents or “Man ho” for having dated lots of girls, and she also makes fun of my job a lot when which I don’t like. However I have tried to tell her that I get upset when she says these things, but then she gets upset with me and cries. Even worse is that her family and friends now think I keep upsetting her.

I also see her on average 5 or 6 days a week, which I think is a lot. But when I say I want to hang out with my friends or visit my brothers she gets upset and says things like “Don’t you like me?” or “You’d rather hang out with them instead of me.”

I hate this feeling. I care about her so much and I want to be with her, but I anytime I try to discuss these things with her she keeps getting upset. I’ve tried keeping quiet and trying to deal with it myself, but its common sense that you should never bottle things up. When I try and talk, I do so very calmly and politely.

More and more, I’ve been getting the impression that she doesn’t like me making decisions for myself and I know I don’t want to be in a relationship like that. Then again, I don’t want to break up with her because we really have a lot in common, and I’m afraid I’ll end up regretting it afterwards and never finding anyone as good as her. Once again, sorry this post is so long. I appreciate any advice. Thanks.

[rol]

<<I've tried keeping quiet and trying to deal with it myself, but its common sense that you should never bottle things up. When I try and talk, I do so very calmly and politely.
>>

You are right in your attitude , calmly and politely is good Communication with any female.. You are right do not bottle anything up. Clear communication is key.
Maybe she does not really understand how it is affecting you. Try to be a bit firmer in your communication with her also.
Tell her what you need and want to be happy.

You really neeed to find the balance of "you" "her" and "us" in your relationship... otherwise it will begin to go downhill.

Perhaps she is too dependent on you? Does she have hobbies, go out with her friends etc?

[ordinaryguy]

Lots of issues here. Neither of you like the other's friends. That calls into question whether you're as well matched as you think you are. A person's circle of friends is a reflection of themselves as expressed in a social setting. If that social self is at odds with the private self, there's a disconnect there.

The getting "upset" and crying is a way of making you feel guilty and manipulating you, and it's working. The fact that her friends and family blame you for her emotional state either means you're not as polite and reasonable as you say, or she's a master con artist who has them fooled as well.

[talaniman]

More and more, I've been getting the impression that she doesn't like me making decisions for myself and I know I don't want to be in a relationship like that. Then again, I don't want to break up with her because we really have a lot in common, and I'm afraid I'll end up regretting it afterwards and never finding anyone as good as her. Once again, sorry this post is so long. I appreciate any advice. Thanks.

Unless you like to be manipulated and humiliated, then you should step back and see what's going on and I feel you already know but are afraid. You may regret leaving for a while but you will like the peace and quiet and for sure you will find someone else you have as much in common with and more. You sure will never know hanging around this weepy arrogant female.