[uninhibited]

All right I'll start from the beginning, I had met this girl online while playing a video game and we had been best friends for about a year and then we started dating. At the time we lived a few states apart, but we visited each other a bunch and eventually I went to college and although I changed--my feelings for her didn't change. Her being a year younger than me, got to college a year later than I did. She decided to go to college near me, and the distance between us became only an hour and I visited her frequently.

She had always been a really sweet girl, and we would talk almost 24/7 and share everything and she was against alcohol, and parties and was a pretty academic girl--and we were infatuated with each other. We had been dating for 2 years, which seems like forever to me. I'm currently 19 and she is 18 and we've been separated for like two months now. No talking, no nothing.

It started when she got to college, she moved from a different side of the country almost and had to make new friends and deal with home sickness, which I understand. She aligned herself with decently cool kids, they weren't angels but hey who is? At first I was bothered when she started partying because she always gave me **** about partying up to the point I eventually had somewhat of an epiphany about it. I realized that partying leaves you vulnerable and not in control. (Foreshadowing). The only thing I don't understand is, I didn't start cheating on her, I wasn't mean to her, I had been pretty sweet to her since forever and all the sudden she just became very apathetic toward our relationship, to the point we would not talk for days which was strange in our relationship. I was O.K. with most of this because being college kids I figured we were just busy. Then she confides in me that she has all these doubts, like that I'm a really good guy but what if there is someone out there more perfect for her? She began to like obsess over this idea (she's always been a worry wart lol). I told her that a lot of rational people have this idea but it's not worth worrying about what could be. And no she wasn't seeing anyone else, she was just thinking about a hypothetical guy.

Eventually we break up, I was sort of sick of her being less than a girlfriend to me. I may be an emotional punching bag but I like to think I know when I deserve better. She said she couldn't take the long distance anymore (even though the distance was closing at a ridiculously fast rate). She also told me she didn't feel a spark anymore, even though on my previous visit we were having a blast (until I became annoyed that she was trying to wrap up 2 hour date so she could see the friends she sees everyday). And man did she make me feel like a killjoy lol. She also threw in something about suddenly finding me unattractive.

After two months I texted her, remembering she had my favorite hoody that I wanted to use for snowboarding. I politely asked if I could briefly retrieve it from her, and she reluctantly agreed. After asking why she was so reluctant she told me she didn't want to deal with me and that she changed her mind and I could not have my hoody back. Needless to say I was pissed. But I put my anger aside and asked, "why do you hate me so much?" to which she simply replied "God I don't hate you, my apathy is just overwhelming." She then told me to leave her alone and I agreed to never bother her again. Before telling me to effectively "piss off" she *****ed to me about how her mom had developed cancer, she had been in a car accident, and had been sexually assaulted (probably at a party). Other than the mom developing cancer thing, I don't really have sympathy. My dad has been fighting cancer for years and it hasn't turned me into a douchebag.

I still have feelings for her, even though I try to forget her. It hurts to think about even possibly dating another girl, I just feel so apathetic toward the idea. I would have sex with another girl, but I don't think I would be ready for a more intimate relationship. For some reason which for the life of me I can't figure out, I want her back. I don't care what state she is in, what has happened to her, or where she is--I just feel like I need and desire her back. I just want to be there for her, and I want my best friend back and it hurts that we aren't even talking anymore. The only form of closure I got was my last text to her telling her I'd never bother her again and thanking her for all the fond memories. I don't think I could ever text her again, my pride would prevent it.

I would have liked to work at our relationship, be it an intimate or friendly one, but she just seemed like she didn't want to be bothered--and I feel like I had no control over it. I know it's terrible but it's almost easier to think that the girl I fell in love with died..


Just needed to vent and wanted some people to weigh in on this. All opinions appreciated thank you.

[gara]

Man that ***** she just sick tired of you , she became moody person , you did the best thing to leave her alone and come back to her , but thing didn't work it out from her side , I would say two things , first you will find some one who is much way better then her and all it needs is just a time , and the second thing is she won't find another guy replace your spot , and about that hoody thing , man it's just funny thing and made me crack up when I red what she said over there , girls are stupid in that age man , don't call her or text message her and if you find her near any where act like she is nothing and move on with your life and make new girl man she will hear about it .

[pandead]

Long read, but I like the style. You are able to distance yourself from the relationship and watch things happen like a third person. It will help you a lot and not only with girls :)

First of all, most of the time when the "hypotetical guy" talk occurs, it's about a possible future boyfriend. People don't sit alone in their bed and think "what if there is someone better out there for me?" Right there, it's the end of a relationship. When you are happy to be with someone you don't think of these things.

Second, of course you still have feelings for her. You are still in shock, but from the way you told the whole story I can tell you know you will be okay. Don't rush into dating just yet. Even though you were physically close, you don't know what is really going on in her life. You two started to date very young and college experience can change who we are. I'm not saying she shouldn't be partying or seeing her friends, it's probably new to her and she wants to enjoy it without being in a relationship. She will get bored of it, eventually, but sometimes it takes years (some people never do.)

I'm sorry you want her back, but only time will tell if things will work out between you two. From the shape of things right now, she probably won't come back. And if she ever does, you will have to handle everything she did while you were apart. How comfortable do you think you are with the idea of meeting one of her friends and listening to her saying "we hooked up at a party a few months ago while you and me were apart, but we're just friends now"?

She has a lot going on in her life and she made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be with you. You should do the same and enjoy college your own way.

Remember there will always be other people to talk to, to be friends with, to laugh and cry, or just to understand you. You shouldn't have to deal with all this right now so do your own thing, focus on your life and school. Good luck!

[ironhide262]

I feel for you dude. The way she broke up with you is very indicative of a person who is really imature( at least as far as relationships go). For some people it is easier to just turn spiteful and mean to avoid confronting their feelings. I'm sure that she has had her coat of armour on most of this time but, deep down she's hurting too. Although, I'mnot excusing her for how she treated you.

Don't take her actions and what she said personally. I agree with Pandead in that more than likey that someone else has entered the picture and all that "hypothetical guy" talk was just her trying to tell you( girls and their silly codes). She is going to realize one day that burning bridges is no way to go through life.

Forget about the what's and why's. Just like her, the good times have come and gone. As great as she seemed , you will find someone even better.

[talaniman]

Sorry guy but though your feelings didn't change, hers did, and not surprising when someone leaves home for the first time, and has that power of freedom that young people crave. Let her enjoy it, and just do your own thing. Break ups always suck, but there is plenty of life after they are over with, and you recover from the emotional fall out.

[uninhibited]

Thanks to everyone who answered. I agree with you all pretty much and I came to a lot of these conclusions about a day after posting this, it just felt to tell someone because I've never been one to tell the guys **** like this. I'm just going to have fun and enjoy college, you know life goes on and ****. I don't really feel like I need her and IF her and I ever even talked again I would make her beg me to talk to her, seriously **** girls with baggage I'm not putting up with that.