[cruzzer3]

Ok, my girlfriend and I are dealing with her ex that is very unfit for my step daughter. She is 9 years old and can already tell that her father is a mess up. My girlfriend was with him for 8 yrs. She has told me stories that would just chill you to the bone. My girlfriend has been hit numerous times. He would hit her in front of there daughter. He has been arrested, in jail numerous times for drunk driving drugs and other felony. She said that in the 8 years he had only a couple jobs and when he had a job, he would only work till he got off probation and then he would try to get fired so he could collect unemployment so he wouldn't have to work. He would not allow her to pay for bills cause he would want to buy beer and drugs with the bill money. She got her wisdom teeth out once and while she was under prescribed drugs and not fit to operate any equipment of watch their kid she told him to watch her while she sleeps. Little longer she was awakened by their daughter and her ex was no where around. He had left to a party and left the baby alone while she was sedated by meds. Then she got a phone call from the police saying he had been arrested. She drove just because the outcome if she would have left him in jail would been worse than if she would have taken the risk of driving. Once she got there and got him out. He punched her right in the side of the mouth where she got the teeth cut out and then drove with her and the baby in the back he was drunk! Since we have been together for 2 years he has been with at least 6 girls that he has lived with so he didn't have to get a job. He has not had a job for 3 years now and is still collecting unemployment and only paying like 30 bucks a week for child support. Not enough to cover school lunches. He helps with nothing else. Only buys drugs and beer. Before we got together they purchased two vehicles, a car(hers) and a jeep(his). She is not on the title but is the co signer for the jeep, so with his drug use an party habits the jeep payment is the last thing he thinks about. We have gotten repo letters and late payment notices everymonth. Which is affecting her credit every time. He has also had a kid this past summer with a girl and moved to Florida but before he moved he got into trouble with possession and contriban also drinking and driving. He had to come back up to court without the baby and current girlfriend. When he was here he didn't want to leave to go back to Florida. So she had to buy him like 150 dollars worth of marijuana. My girlfriend is starting her clinical for nursing school and I am a firefighter going to paramedic school. I want to be the role model in her life as the father figure, but with him threating to kick my *** and always calling my girlfriend a whore ugly worthless useless dumb and flat out trash we can't start our family. I am afraid of him being in her life and holding us back from what we could become. The daughter knows that her dad is worthless. While he is visiting here from Florida he does not even call her of try to visit her only when he tries to get to my girlfriends head is when he tries to get or see her and it does screw with us big time. We ultimately want full custody with no rights or visitation from him. Please help I have only told you 1/10 of the stuff he has done to us. Thank You.

[cdad]

First off you need to get real with this situation. She IS NOT your stepdaughter. She IS your girlfriends daughter. You have no legal standing here. The next thing is after you marry her and after you have been married for over 1 years time then maybe you can adopt. Until then its for her to deal with. And Im sure the daughter knows because you have been telling her. That needs to stop or you could lose custody altogether.

[ScottGem]

Its nice that you want to be a father to this girl, but as CalifDad said you currently have NO legal standing and have to treat the situation in that manner. Your girlfriend is the one that has to deal with this. You can be supportive of her, but that's all.

ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area. Nor do we really need the gory details. All you need to tell us is that the father is involved with drugs with a history of domestic violence.

What you also have not told us, which is more to the point then what you did relate, is what has been done to this point. Is he currently the legal father? Are there court orders for support, custody and visitation? You also haven't told us whether the father tries to see his child at all.

The easiest way to get him out of your lives, is to marry your girlfriend, wait the required time and file for adoption of the girl.