[marciamello12]

Hel,
My husband was caught last month when I found his cell phone. I found out he had been having a year long affair with a former high school girlfriend. Everything hit the fan, then we decided we wanted to stay together & have been in Therapy once a week since. Going great UNTIL.. I went into his computer and found emails from the prostitutes/call girls he would see in Vegas 3-4 times a year when he would go out there to be with his sport buddies. And to top it off he has been seeing 'massage therapists' here in our home town. Last post was in August as far as I can tell but he deleted so much I can't be sure of anything.
He says he is done with all that now. He just wants me and really wants to make it work. Our therapist says we can be a stronger better couple even after multiple affairs.
I am so torn. This man has been my world for 21 years. I thought he was the greatest guy on earth! Now I don't know what to do. He has been out of the house and is staying at a motel since I found out about the prostitutes.
Do you have any advice?

[Homegirl 50]

It does not matter what the therapist says, if you can't deal with this you should not have to.
He has proven time and time again he cannot be trusted. Maybe he has a sexual addiction, but you don't have to accept it.
Get yourself tested for STD.
If it were me, he has used up his last chance

[marciamello12]

Thank you!
I have an appt for Wed. AM to get checked.
And the more I think about it. I think he has used up his chances. He is just used! I need and deserve better

[Homegirl 50]

Yes you do!
I wish you well.

[marciamello12]

Thanks for being there!

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree, therapy can do a lot if both sides want to, if he is merely sorry he got caught and will go back, nothing has been done.

But often therapy is not what everyone things, it often helps them get back together, but if your therapist is saying that is what they are doing, find a new one, a therapist should not have an opinion if it is going to get you back together, since often in real therapy the answer is you don't match and should part,

[shes_cool]

You do not deserve this type of mistreatment of trust. This man takes you for granted. He is a lying, cheating scumbag who will probably never change, and you deserve a man who is honest and worthy of your love. Leave!

[Jlesnik33]

You need to do what makes you happy. And staying with him is not doing that.
If he really loved you, he would not have hurt you like that, even if he thought he was being slick rick.

My opinion, its time to move on! And find someone who can't wait to come home to you at the end of the day, not someone who can't wait for his chance to leave you and meet up with all the easy loose women out there.

Good luck sweetie and stay strong. Never let anything bring you down, that's not worth it!

[TeriRose]

I think you're smart to get tests done and do what you need to do to protect yourself both physically and emotionally.

I would like to stress that if you want to be happy in the future, you have to follow your own heart and do what is best for you. Everyone will have their own opinion and they see through the filter of their own life and past experiences. No one can give good advice without understanding many things about your situation from a neutral place.

Some people can tolerate things that others can't. You have to decide what is unacceptable to you and where you draw the line. If you think your life will be happier with him if he truly changes and that it won't eat away at you for the rest of your life, then you could create a list of things that aren't negotiable and go by that in your future dealings with him. And then you would have to be sure that you aren't allowing subconscious thoughts to keep your body in stress mode, wondering, worrying, feeling rejected, betrayed etc. Those feelings are poison and will manifest as health problems and problems in the future instead of a life of peace.

And if you decide to split up and don't heal your pain and find peace of mind, you will carry mistrust and negativity with you into future relationships.

You have the power to make your future anything you choose it to be. Your heart has great wisdom and is probably trying to guide you if you listen to it instead of anyone encouraging you to do something because of the pain they have faced in their own life.

Move on if you feel that is best but make your future great when you do!
;)

[marciamello12]

Thanks Everyone,
A lot of great answers. I want to move on, but I am at the stage right now of "I really love you" "but how can I ever trust you again." So I have decided to take him back for awhile and at the same time get myself and my finances right so I can get out quickly. He is not a violent person so I don't have that to worry about. I'll keep checking back in and letting you all know what is going on. God Bless, Marcia

[talaniman]

So I have decided to take him back for awhile and at the same time get myself and my finances right so I can get out quickly.

Wise decision, and I hope you follow through.

[marciamello12]

He is home.
My emotions are all over the spectrum.
But it's Halloween and we have our grandbaby (4 yr old) here so lot's and lot's to do. Plus my neighborhood is decorating to the hilt!
I have decided to be a "Cereal" killer - get it Cheerios & a fake steak knife covered in fake blood.A little play on my situation. Dress in all black. Only the adults will understand but that's OK. And if anyone wants to copy me.. Cool, I don't think we are going to meet up. But heck wouldn't it be funny if there were two Cereal killers on my block!
Happy Halloween,
Marcia

[decisionmaker]

There are a lot of men like that. A lot. And they get away with it. He probably loves you. If you love him you should stay. But given the right opportunity, all people could be unfaithful.

[Homegirl 50]

Last response from the original poster was two years ago.