[BlazingCold]

Hello everyone. I'm just wondering how much age and perceived immaturity have to do with a relationship ending. My ex is 18 when she left. And I know others here whose ex's were young (under 21). Can the lure of the party scene be that strong and do they either never come back or do they start to sniff around when their life gets hard again?

[ForeverZero]

Listen to the song Time is on my side by the Rolling Stones. To expand, I'm more or less in the same boat as you. When my ex left me, she was reaching to the stars for reasons, none of them were particularly good, and by that I mean true. Sometimes at this age your significant other will get an itch you can't scratch. The best thing you can do is let them experiment, in the end, it all boils down to weather or not they appreciate what you were offering. In my case, my ex saw commitment around the corner and pushed her panic button. What you have to have faith in is that their lives are only easier without you in it, not better. There's a time and place for everything, get your itches scratched, and see what happens.

[MISSIBAYBE]

I have a girlfriend who met her boyfriend (who was her manager at the time) when she was just 15. They are 8 years apart. She never had the problem with the party scene... which is actually why their 8 year relationship ended recently. She grew up and he stayed the same. He was ready to settle down, she had other priorities. So they separated and went their own ways. She dated 2 other guys but recently they got engaged. He never gave up. He hit his rock bottom, sought help, got better and is a new man! So I guess it depends on the person. They always told me, "Age ain't nothing but a number." I believe it, the secret is to grow together, not apart. Trust, understanding, compromise and communication is a big factor when dating someone younger. Spend quality time together and talk about everything. Continue to make them happy!

[BlazingCold]

Listen to the song Time is on my side by the Rolling Stones. To expand, i'm more or less in the same boat as you. When my ex left me, she was reaching to the stars for reasons, none of them were particularly good, and by that i mean true. Sometimes at this age your significant other will get an itch you can't scratch. The best thing you can do is let them experiment, in the end, it all boils down to weather or not they appreciate what you were offering. In my case, my ex saw commitment around the corner and pushed her panic button. What you have to have faith in is that their lives are only easier without you in it, not better. There's a time and place for everything, get your itches scratched, and see what happens.

You make good points. I've let her go, as she feels more connected to people she's known for a couple of months ans felt her LTR boyfriend was worthy of the boot. I like the part about her life being easier without me, not necessarily better. I feel her being a freshman in college and meeting a whole new group of friends had a whole lot to do with her leaving. She thinks much more highly of herself now, and she feels that she can play the field now and win.

[ForeverZero]

She gave you the old "i don't feel like i'm good enough for you" line too? Hahah, I like that one. She's hurting too. You should have faith that you're a catch. You're one of a kind. Girls that want to be girls are a dime a dozen. At the end of the day women like that WILL BE looking for guys like you. Guys like you aren't looking for women like that.

[BlazingCold]

She gave you the old "i don't feel like i'm good enough for you" line too? Hahah, i like that one. She's hurting too. You should have faith that you're a catch. You're one of a kind. Girls that want to be girls are a dime a dozen. At the end of the day women like that WILL BE looking for guys like you. Guys like you aren't looking for women like that.

She gave me that line constantly! At times I wished she would just accept how great of a person she was and that she DID deserve someone like me. I know that I'm a catch, as I truly value and care for everyone who enters my life.

[ForeverZero]

Yea, I got that line a lot. The question I ask myself, and I'll ask you because you sound like you think like me. Does she feel that way because of something you did to her? Or does she feel that way because she's realizing that she isn't good enough for you? People who feel that way often have a lot of insecurities that we don't understand, and therefore only make worse. You can't fix them either, she would have to realize that there's a problem and what the problem is, and solve it herself.

I'm of the mindset that it isn't possible to create an insecurity in another person, with a mature, strong self image and identity. They have to have these insecurities before they get into a relationship. Personally, when somebody insults me or somebody I'm dating does something that upsets me, I tell them straightforward, you're doing X and that bothers me. My ex didn't tell me until I'd been doing it for 6 months, and all the sudden I'm supposed to fix the problem on the spot and undo 6 months worth of damage. It doesn't work that way.

[chuff]

She gave me that line constantly!! At times I wished she would just accept how great of a person she was and that she DID deserve someone like me. I know that I'm a catch, as I truly value and care for everyone who enters my life.

My belief is women use that line as an out. Even when in the relationship there not really committed to it. So they throw that line around and if they leave they have already told you why. If you leave she can pass the responsibility on to you and attach the blame of the break up to you and be free of all guilt. It's a cop out line.

[ForeverZero]

While I see your point, that cop out line only works if it actually absolves them of their guilt. It's been my experience that it doesn't work to that end. I agree with the lack of commitment, but I think of that in the sense that they aren't interested in planning a future together. Not necessarily that they're unhappy with you, more that they don't feel like they're ready to assess anybody as a potential husband, and that they feel like that's what you've got your mind set on. So they drop this one and run away from the problem.

[BlazingCold]

Yea, i got that line a lot. The question i ask myself, and i'll ask you because you sound like you think like me. Does she feel that way because of something you did to her? Or does she feel that way because she's realizing that she isn't good enough for you? People who feel that way often have a lot of insecurities that we don't understand, and therefore only make worse. You can't fix them either, she would have to realize that there's a problem and what the problem is, and solve it herself.

I'm of the mindset that it isn't possible to create an insecurity in another person, with a mature, strong self image and identity. They have to have these insecurities before they get into a relationship. Personally, when somebody insults me or somebody i'm dating does something that upsets me, i tell them straightforward, you're doing X and that bothers me. My ex didn't tell me until i'd been doing it for 6 months, and all the sudden i'm supposed to fix the problem on the spot and undo 6 months worth of damage. It doesn't work that way.

She said this many times during the relationship. It became something of an ego stroke for myself, as it felt good for someone to tell you how great you are. She has a fair bit of insecurities, as she had gotten used to people treating her badly, and she was surprised that I cared about her so much. At the same time, she kept referrring to herself as "shallow" and maybe she felt that she was only going to hurt me in the end, so why should I waste my time with her, therefore saying that she wasn't good enough for me.

[ForeverZero]

Time is a tool, use it to your advantage. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and you can't help her decide. I don't want my ex back, I want her to want to come back. She can't do that with her insecurities, and it's a toss up weather or not she'll work them out on her own.

[BlazingCold]

Time is a tool, use it to your advantage. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and you can't help her decide. I don't want my ex back, i want her to want to come back. She can't do that with her insecurities, and it's a toss up weather or not she'll work them out on her own.

I've reached that same conclusion myself. I also feel the same way about my ex, as I want her to come back on her own, rather than coming back out of guilt or some misplaced responsibility to make me happy. I hope for the best in both our situations.