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tikki14 · Oct 2, 2010, 01:46 AM

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I have been dating my boyfriend for almost one year. We have spent a really great time together; we could talk forever and never get bored; we look at each other and fall in love more and more deeply, but I feel that something has changed since he went in a camp at the sea side, where he was almost on his own and did whatever he liked because the teacher was sick and couldn't look after him. Since he arrived home he is very mature, he never trembles when we date like he used to, he doesn't talk about his feelings that often any more, he gets angry if I ask him about what he does in his spare time, then he apologizes and tells me that he has school concerns but the most important, he usually speaks about a possible break up in future (he tells me that if I feel that something is wrong/I don't feel good with him any more/I've fallen in love with someone else to tell him). We had this kind of discussion before and I always told him that I will let him know if I don't feel the same about him, but now he seems so obsessed. Moreover, he didn't use to be so concerned about school and he always had plenty of spare time, why is he complaining now of not having enough time for talking to me at least 10 minutes a day? Last time when we dated he told me that he wanted to tell me something but he gave up when I told him that I dreamed he wanted to talk to me about something serious and ended up telling that it was an unimportant issue, however. Could it be a sign that he wants a break up? (we are both 16)

talaniman · Oct 2, 2010, 08:15 AM

At 16, you both are a works in progress to the adults you will be, so its normal for feelings to change as you mature. I don't know what's on his mind, but how about letting him say it, instead of injecting your own thoughts, and feelings into the conversation. He is struggling to tell you something, but you will not find out unless you start being a better listener.

Relationships at your age usually do run there course after a year, and that's a long time really, but again, I have no clue what's on his mind. ASK HIM, and listen to what he has to say. You know its something, but don't know what. Find out.

beachloverjohn · Oct 2, 2010, 01:22 PM

He probably grew up a little while he was at camp. It looks like he put his priorities in a different order. School seems to be on top of the list. That's a good thing because getting too involved at such an early age could inhibit his growth. And you should also concentrate more on school so you can learn to be a little more independent, not to mention the importance of the "4 R"s".. Reading, riting, rithmatic, and reputaion.

tikki14 · Dec 22, 2010, 09:34 AM

What would you do if you had a boy who loves you from the bottom of his heart, but you feel that he is not thoroughly fulfilling you (I mean that he may be annoying from some points of view, but he doesn't do it on purpose)?

I wish · Dec 22, 2010, 11:33 AM

Loving someone and being compatible are two different things, but both important foundations to a solid relationship.

Though he may love you, if he's not compatitble with you, then the relationship doesn't have much hope. If you can't find it in yourself to accept these parts of him, then you're better off going your separate ways.

talaniman · Dec 22, 2010, 04:49 PM

Is this the same guy??

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...me-512814.html

tikki14 · Dec 23, 2010, 02:05 PM

Yes Talaniman, it's the same guy. Since then he has been very constant in his feelings. He had just a short teenager crisis, but I worried because I was deeply in love with him. Now, I'm not sure. It's such a complicated situation that I have no idea what to do.

It is a quite long story. We met about 2 years ago and it was love at first sight. Since then we talked a lot and he really seemed the perfect one because he was exactly how I wanted, but everybody told me to get rid of him because he is a jerk (he quarrels with everyone except me and everything he says / does hurt people). I thought about this very serious, but he was so perfect and I was so in love, that I decided to give him a chance. So, we dated in secret. Afterward, I began to have problems at school, because I had a lot of activities and little time to prepare them. I asked him to break up and he agreed, although, he couldn't understand the real reason. During summer holiday we got back together and had the best time ever, then he went in camp, we were a little bit distant, but got over. Now I really don't know what to do. In summer I agreed to be together again because I was sorry for what I did. It was crazy to break up with him when I loved him so much. But sometimes I wonder if I it was actually more selfishness than love because my feelings are always up and down. I don't think it is true love. It was, but I've changed, I've changed my expectations, my outlook about life, I've made new friends and became more mature. I don't recognize him to be the same I used to know, or maybe I saw him different than now. It doesn't matter, anyway. I am so confused because I see how much he loves me and how much he tries to do what is best for me while I'm counting the whys I should keep let this go on and the whys I shouldn't, without any result. I just can't go and tell him: "you know, I don't feel the same" after a great time together. I need a good reason if I want a break up, but I fear that I might feel sorry again and take the story from the beginning. I also thought about sticking with him till we go to university. But I always think: what if I can't get rid of him? What if he will beg me to go in the same town as him or he will come where I want to go so that to keep up our relationship? What if he will ask me to marry me? I can't say just 'no' after 4 years. This issue is killing me. I know I made mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes, but I was innocent. And through 'inocent' I don't mean that he has turned into a bad person around me, but he lost the thing that used to make him interesting and worth spending time with. He doesn't react as I'd like when I need his help and this can be quite annoying.

I just wish I found the right solution that won't make me feel like I did something wrong. But what is the solution in such a complicated situation?

Thank you for reading.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2010, 03:15 PM

Being honest is the right thing to do, and sure break ups suck, and we all get hurt, but we learn, grow, and move on. That's the way it is and dragging things out for whatever reason helps no one, not you, not him.

As a matter of fact, it usually makes things worse. Do what you have to do, and be as kind as possible. I really am sorry.

tikki14 · Dec 24, 2010, 02:31 AM

Thank you Talaniman. Your answer means a lot to me because everybody told me to break up with him, but since you don't know him in person and he didn't hurt you in some way, I suppose you're right. You can see it more clear because you're out of the box.

It will be very difficult to do this because I remember the last time. Even if I told him the truth and I made as clear as possible, he was very confused. Or maybe too shocked and hurt to understand...

I wish · Dec 24, 2010, 08:19 AM

Breaking up is never easy. After you've broken up though, you go your separate ways to mend your wounds. It takes time to heal, but as you heal, you learn more about yourself and you will find a way to cope. You just need to be patient with yourself.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2010, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by tikki14

Thank you Talaniman. Your answer means a lot to me because everybody told me to break up with him, but since you don't know him in person and he didn't hurt you in some way, I suppose you're right. You can see it more clear because you're out of the box.

It will be very difficult to do this because I remember the last time. Even if I told him the truth and I made as clear as possible, he was very confused. Or maybe too shocked and hurt to understand...

In time he will heal, and understand better. I think everyone who gets dumped goes into shock, and reacts with disbelief, and confusion. If you fear his reaction because of his behavior, have a friend close by just in case.