[JT313]

My wife isint sure if she wants a divorce or not, but she has been acting weird and always leaving with her friend for hours. But what got me worried was that she started sleeping with her cell phone all the time and if I needed to use it she would delete all calls and text. If she was on the phone and I came near her she would make her answers short and have to go quick. I asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but it still didn't seem right. I logged on to the cell phone bill on the computer and saw she was talking to this guy all the time. But it was never when she was home, always out with her friend or at work. Calling and talking for about an hour to an hour and a half at a time or sending a lot of text back and fourth when she was at work, I confronted her about this and she says that he has been trough a tough divorce also and he listened. But how much can there be to talk about? She works with his wife,and says that she talks to her and other people a lot, But his # is the oly one that is for half an hour to an hour and a half. She leaves the house to call him. Is she cheating on me?

[kiewiebeauty]

This is a tricky one..
The most important thing you can do now is to not jump to any conclusions ! She could may well be just innocently talking to him, but I do understand your concern you should confront her properly and ask her why she deleted all the texts and calls because that does seem suspicious to me...

[HelpinHere]

I wouldn't jump to the cheating conclusion, but if she is spending all of her time (albeit electronically) with someone else instead of you and you feel at a loss for it, then she is emotionally abandoning you.

Just sit her down and have a serious talk about what's going on, and why it makes you feel as if you're being cheated on.

[jmjoseph]

I don't think that I could tolerate such behavior from MY wife without suspecting the worst. Chances are, that she is falling for this guy. It certainly sounds suspicious.

But what can you do? Talk,talk, talk. Ask her how SHE would feel if it were YOU doing this to HER.

This is crossing the line. This is not how married people act and behave. No sir. No way. Not going to happen.

[Jake2008]

The first thing you say is, your wife isn't sure if she wants a divorce or not. What has gone on to bring the marriage to this point, before, the phone thing started. Or, was the phone thing going on, and then the subject of divorce came up.

What I'm asking is, is the phone thing just the icing on the end of the marriage cake? Or, was/is there reason the marriage is ending despite her relationshp with this other man.

And yes, it is a relationship she has going on with another man, and I personally don't see what other conclusion you can draw from her behaviour.

She talks to to this guy for an hour, hour and a half, and sends a lot of texts back and forth to him when she's at work. She says that she talks a lot to other people too, but the proof in the phone bill pudding, tells otherwise. She sleeps with her phone, ends conversations quickly when you need the phone, and deletes everything before she hands it to you.

If that doesn't spell affair, I don't know what does. Do you really need to ask if she's cheating? I would be asking her to prove she's not cheating, after all that you have said of her behaviour.

If her excuse is he's going through a tough time, then why can't all three of you sit at the kitchen table over coffee. Why is their activity so secret, and what's with the 'leaving with her friend for hours'. Do you mean him, or do you mean saying her girlfriend is a cover, and she's actually hooking up with him.

If the two of you carry on this way behind smoke and mirrors, and accusations, lies, and deception, no wonder you are mentioning divorce.

Sounds like there isn't much there to save.

[QLP]

She is considering divorce and is spending all her time talking to someone who has been through one. Sounds to me like she might be getting as much information and emotional support as possible in order to prepare for exactly that. So what has brought you two to this point? Do you want to save your marriage if it is possible?

When your wife told you that he was good at listening that was an opporunity for you to ask what she needs to talk about and be the good listener she needs. Did you try this? Whether she is having an affair or not, she is now emotionally investing more outside the marriage than in it. Whatever is at the root of this you guys needs some really honest communication together.