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sjdawg · Sep 2, 2010, 11:46 AM

My wife and I have been married 14 years but we are both still shy about sex (married when I was 21 and she was 20 - both virgins at the time).

We both enjoy sex but are still very shy about talking about it and trying new things. I think we are both a little embarrassed.

Any ideas how to improve our communication and sex life. I have thought maybe we should get one of those games where you pull a card that tells you a specific thing to try. Not sure what else.

martinizing2 · Sep 2, 2010, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by sjdawg

My wife and I have been married 14 years but we are both still shy about sex (married when I was 21 and she was 20 - both virgins at the time).

We both enjoy sex but are still very shy about talking about it and trying new things. I think we are both a little embarrassed.

Any ideas how to improve our communication and sex life. I have thought maybe we should get one of those games where you pull a card that tells you a specific thing to try. Not sure what else.

Better yet, make your own cards of things you want to try. 5 or so each. Put them in a hat and what you draw you do.

sjdawg · Sep 2, 2010, 11:52 AM

Originally Posted by martinizing2

Better yet, make your own cards of things you want to try. 5 or so each. Put them in a hat and what you draw you do.

I like that idea. Thank you.

redhed35 · Sep 2, 2010, 11:54 AM

I like the card idea,but each of you make your own.

One deck of what you would like to to and another of what your willing to do.

Books are another way of talking about sex,reading them together outside of the bedroom,or when your not in a sexual mood.

Keeping the conversation light and fun.

Find out where each of you are sexually.

I'm afraid the only way to get around it is to talk about it.

sjdawg · Sep 2, 2010, 11:54 AM

I'm not sure I will be able to convince her to write anything down though. She seems very shy about saying things she likes or new things she wants to try. That is probably my fault if I have unintentionally made her uncomfortable speaking out. Not sure how to bring her out of her shell though.

martinizing2 · Sep 2, 2010, 11:56 AM

I've seen the commercial edition , I don't know who writes their cards, but some of the stuff they put in I wouldn't do at gun point.
And making your own is direct to the stuff you want to do.

jcscos · Sep 2, 2010, 12:01 PM

To be honest, in my own opinion and experience, I think sexuality and the openness to please your partner is so much more than just the act. I think you need to make sure you make her feel beautiful every day and make more of a point to help her to be comfortable with her body. She will want to "share" it more with you. The communication throughout the entire relationship, again in my opinion, will help for you both to be more open and comfortable sexually.

Please don't think I am assuming you don't communicate well, but just trying to give you an idea of what helped me to be more open. Good luck!

redhed35 · Sep 2, 2010, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by sjdawg

I'm not sure I will be able to convince her to write anything down though. she seems very shy about saying things she likes or new things she wants to try. That is probably my fault if I have unintentionally made her uncomfortable speaking out. Not sure how to bring her out of her shell though.

You could try a book then,'the joy of sex' is pretty good.easy to read,lots of pictures.

You might be able to draw her out by asking what does she think,would she be comfortable, etc.

You don't have to try several things all in one go.
When you do decide to try something new ,throw some romance into the evening,dinner maybe some wine... relax,and always always talk about stopping if one of you is not comfortable.

sjdawg · Sep 2, 2010, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by jcscos

to be honest, in my own opinion and experience, i think sexuality and the openess to please your partner is so much more than just the act. i think you need to make sure you make her feel beautiful every day and make more of a point to help her to be comfortable with her body. she will want to "share" it more with you. the communication throughout the entire relationship, again in my opinion, will help for you both to be more open and comfortable sexually.

please don't think i am assuming you don't communicate well, but just trying to give you an idea of what helped me to be more open. good luck!

Always room to improve. I have given this extra effort recently and she has acknowledged it. Of course, between kids and work it has not yet paid off in the bedroom... lol