[chelst]

My boyfriends ex lives in another state but keeps blowing up his phone with calls and texts. He has told me over and over he could care less to tlk to her. The other day she texted him and he told me I could text her back. I asked her to stop texting him and leave us alone. She started calling me a bad girlfriend and saying she felt bad for him cause I ruined there friendship. I told him that if he wants to talk to her just tell me and he gets deffensive and says he never wants to talk to her again. She messaged me on fb and said that he ran back to her every time we broke up and said called me dumb for believing that he didn't want to talk to her -saying that he was just saying that stuff to make me happy. I want to believe my boyfriend but this girl keeps popping up since we started dating two years ago and its all giving me a really big headache. .

[Kitkat22]

Block her calls and block her from
Facebook. If he hasn't blocked her from his Facebook and phone and he says he doesn't want to talk to her ask him why he hasn't blocked her.

It's not up to you to tell her to stop contacting him. Let him do it. Who calls him is really none of your business unless he tells you.

[talaniman]

There is nothing you can do but dump a guy who leaves the door open to his ex, and runs back to her at the first hint of trouble, and then lies about it.

[chelst]

He tells me that she is lying to me and she says he is just sayning thing I want to hear ,so how do I know who's telling the truth? That's what's giving me the biggest headache

[talaniman]

By cutting all contact with her and blocking any access she has to you and your boyfriend. This is something he should more be more than willing to do.

She does have a motive to lie, so stop talking and listening to her.

[chelst]

All right thanks :)

[Kitkat22]

If you have trust issues after two years with him, then something is wrong.

[heartonsleeve]

Some men are just very good at lying. My recent ex had been using me as his bit on the side for, well I have no real idea, maybe 4 months, maybe 10 months. I just don't know any more. But until all contact with an ex has stopped, I can see why it could be hard to trust them.
I think a mobile phone number change is the ultimate way to go. And actually blocking them on Facebook. My ex and I weren't 'friends' on there for about half a year but from time to time he would message me, telling me I looked gorgeous in a certain photo etc.
There are some men who can sleep at night, having two women on the go, because they are arrogant and can get away with it.
Suggest the number change and actually witness him blocking her.

[aaii]

Has anyone thought to think of the reason WHY he could be doing this?

How would you describe your relationship? Is it...

• Healthy
• Forfilling
• Intimate

Instead of trying to get him to "just stop talking to her" -- saying "no" to something adds power to it. You need to let him run with it but focus on your own relationship and try to develop it.

If he still continues to talk to his ex, that's fine, it's just how he talks to her. If it's in a more than friend’s way, THEN there's an issue.

Try to take another angle with him; discuss your own relationship with him and see where it's going. If he can see he's losing you, your be in a much better position in getting him to respond to not talking to his ex, rather than just screaming "don't talk to her"

As others have suggested, you must block and ignore when she tries to contact you; your adding fuel to the fire whenever you respond. She's trying to break your relationship, saying anything she can, even if it's true or not true. It seems she still has feelings for him but this is insignificant if it's not mutual on his side. That’s what you have to find out.

[talaniman]

aaii disagrees : this is nonsense Kitkat. It's every part of her business when your in a mutual relationship. I suppose every other part of his life is "none of her business" as well? He sounds like a liar, and this girls trying to discover the truth.

Disagrees are for pointing out non-factual, or dangerous opinions, not for a clash of opinions. Please read the rules before you hand out those reddies, so you can use the system correctly.

[aaii]

Disagrees are for pointing out non-factual, or dangerous opinions, not for a clash of opinions. Please read the rules before you hand out those reddies, so you can use the system correctly.

Thanks for letting me know. Please could you point me to these rules so I may give a read? Out of interest what's the "agree" button used for? To agree... and the disagree it's used not in the literal sense but as more of a warning/pointing out fact inconsistencies button? A bit inconspicuously named I think :confused:

[asking]

he tells me that she is lying to me and she says he is just sayning thing i wanna hear ,so how do i know whos telling the truth? thats whats giving me the biggest headache

He's just saying what you want to hear and not even trying to be convincing.

If he didn't want to talk to her, he wouldn't still be in contact with her. Therefore, he wants to be in contact. Therefore, when he says he doesn't he's lying. You don't have to worry about what the girlfriend says to know he's playing games with you.

It's HIS job to tell her to leave you two alone, not yours. If he's not doing that, then there's your answer. If he really felt like he was being stalked, he would have blocked her.

Personally, I would say this is too much drama and I would dump him. I think he's playing you two off against each other and enjoying the attention and drama.

[Kitkat22]

Has anyone thought to think of the reason WHY he could be doing this?

How would you describe your relationship? Is it...

• Healthy
• Forfilling
• Intimate

Instead of trying to get him to "just stop talking to her" -- saying "no" to something adds power to it. You need to let him run with it but focus on your own relationship and try to develop it.

If he still continues to talk to his ex, that's fine, it's just how he talks to her. If it's in a more than friend’s way, THEN there's an issue.

Try to take another angle with him; discuss your own relationship with him and see where it's going. If he can see he's losing you, your be in a much better position in getting him to respond to not talking to his ex, rather than just screaming "don't talk to her"

As others have suggested, you must block and ignore when she tries to contact you; your adding fuel to the fire whenever you respond. She's trying to break your relationship, saying anything she can, even if it's true or not true. It seems she still has feelings for him but this is insignificant if it's not mutual on his side. That’s what you have to find out.

Read the rules. "if" look it up.

[Lovinglife37]

I was in a similar situation. My guy thought that if he ignored the ex, she would eventually stop bugging him & I should just ignore the ex too. He said since he didn't want the relationship anymore, she's not a threat, even though I could see the sabotage she was attempting. He was hesitant to tell her off thinking his adult child would suffer if he wasn't friends with the mom. So he wasn't really ignoring his ex-wife since every time she called he answered - believing it was about their adult daughter. Then he'd end up in a conversation with his ex about whatever she needed. So finally I said, DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. IT COULD BE ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER BUT IT NEVER IS. LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL. IF YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IT, SEND A TEXT IN AN HOUR SAYING NO TO WHATEVER IT IS SHE WANTS. Eventually I was able to predict what she would do based on her past behavior & sure enough she'd do it. I told him every time she insulted me at a family gathering. I told him she was lying about how her daughter was struggling to get along with me. His best friend was on my side too, stating that the grown daughter was responsible & would contact him directly if she needed anything & had told his best friend that she really liked me & how happy I made her dad. So... get his friends & family on your good side. Be nice to his kids, even if they are mad at her, don't say one bad word about their mom. I also told my man that she was never going to move on & find another guy because she could always count on him. Was it really fair to let her hope that they could reconcile? With that hope this will never stop. Eventually between what I told him & what his best friend said he slowly took steps to kindly distance himself. She didn't get it & just figured out other ways to keep contacting him. I kept on pointing out what she was doing, so did his best friend. Eventually he figured out that he had to be mean to her to get her to leave him alone. She hasn't bothered him for a while & he apologized to me for not putting his foot down sooner. It will all work out but don't let him live in denial about what is going on. He has to do this unpleasant thing or she'll NEVER leave him alone.