[aaii]

I know it's a lot to read, but I would really appreciate it if you could bare with me. It's all very important to the story and to understand the relationship between us. Thank you!

Ok a little bit about the girl. She's a young Indian girl in her mid 20s (I'm Caucasian), always well dressed and presented. Goes everywhere wearing heels (doesn't even own a pair of flats). Dresses, tights, skirts, but in a respectable way. She's naturally flirty.

After talking to some guys at work for a week, all of them think she likes them. It's like whoever she comes into contact with; they always think she likes them. However, behind their back she’s constantly talking about them to me saying she doesn't see them in that way, doesn't like clingy or pervertish people. I feel like just screaming out well going everywhere in high heels, even to the theme park, you're always going to have guys swooning over you!

We're always going on breaks together at work, she comes looking for me, and I go looking for her. We go for little drives at lunch, having lunch in our cars. Occasionally we go out at the weekend, every few weeks or so. We just get on so well together.

Here's where the issues start... take for example the time I went to pick her up to go to Thorpe Park.

I parked in her road, gave her a call and she came out. I started to program the location into my sat nav and she started stressing out (in a smiley kind of way) her bro/sis/mum might drive past at any moment, "please please let's drive, yeah??"

It just seems her family are a big secret. I feel like she doesn't want me to meet her family, or she doesn't want to be seen with another guy... which goes on to the below…

Her family is planning a trip for a month. She's in the process of trying to book the time off. I suggested if she's too late to book the flights then maybe we could go on holiday. She wants to but it would be difficult because her brother is so protective... apparently he said to her mum "if she doesn’t go on holiday with you then there's no way I'm letting her out the house." She basically told him to **** off and that she's in control of her own life, to which he replied "don't make me tell mum about the time I caught you in a bar with that bloke"

When she told me that again, something just switched in my head. I immediately distanced myself from her. I felt a bit down and started to realise that something big must have happened that night, otherwise her bro wouldn't keep referring back to it.

She’s already told me about that story before a while back, apparently it had something to do with her brother getting annoyed with her mucking around so many different guys. He kept seeing her with a different guy each week. She told him she was going to someplace but he bumped into her in a bar someplace else.

It just makes me feel like I've got to be careful of her.

When distancing myself over the past few days, she's started to notice and keeps asking what is wrong, I say nothing. I'm wondering if this truly is the best thing to do. I miss her when she's not around. I wonder if I should just continue being around her often but just try and not let myself get too attached?

I like her as a friend and know she doesn't see me in a more than friends way, or ever will. Then again why do I get jealous when I know she's going out with other guys, and why did that switch go off in my head?

[adam_89]

Well, it does seem that there a part of you that does like her more than just a friend. I would be cautious of her because she does seem like a real heartbreaker. I think you already know what you want to do here.

[talaniman]

My friend, its so easy to have attachment to a person you hang around with a lot, and even at work and have an attraction to. That's pretty normal, and natural. Its also normal to be jealous if you know she hangs out with other friends, and has fun with them. That's because you have hopes, and expectations, that all this fun will lead somewhere romantically, and exclusively.

Doesn't seem she is ready for an exclusive relationship right now, because she just wants to have fun, and enjoy herself. And that's okay as long as you keep it real with yourself, and not expect to be exclusive with her. If you can't then you have to either stop hanging out so much with her or have other female friends to have fun with, besides her. Plus you work together, and seem to be available and willing to party with her. That may NOT be a good situation if you have high hopes for this party girl being a romantic partner.

I think the thing to do is be realistic, and enjoy the friendship, without expectations, or getting too attached, and keep it friends. You can still date others, which I highly recommend, and maybe find fun, and romance but don't make her the center of your attention, or get carried away by your feelings where all you do is chase after her trying to get exclusive attention.

Keeping your life balanced with other friends, and activities will help you not focus so much on just her, and that will give you the distance to have fun with her, without becoming another wannabe, hopeful love interest.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind cripple or crazy.

Enjoy your friend, but don't chase her for romance. Keep your feelings under control, if you can't, leave her alone, and look for romance elsewhere.

[aaii]

Thanks for your comments.

What makes it even more difficult is I'm one of those people that doesn't have any girl as a friend. In my past whenever I go out with a girl somewhere, theme park, cinema (where me and this girl in topic frequently go) it's always as part of a date.

So it's very easy for me to get the situation twisted because my mind has almost been programmed to think that when I go out with a girl somewhere; it's in the process of becoming more than just friends. However, I know for her (and any other girl), it feels different. A girl can have loads of guy mates and go out with them to typical "dating scenes" like the cinema, for a meal, and not think anything more than friends of it.

I've been good up until now, not allowing myself to get stringed along. In fact I'm pretty mean and firm with her, but in a nice way. When she wants to do something I often put my foot down, or if she wants to plan going somewhere, either after work or in the future, I jokingly "umm and errr" and she laughs and goes "you a-ss!!" -- all done in a flirty way

I think I should be extra nice because she seems to LIKE not being listened to/treated a bit meanly.

I hope I can "unprogram" my mind :)

[rahuldhoot2345]

Be cool don't think that girls don't want a part of your life as might she would be preferring her to settle sumwhere or she got confused with what she want to make the changes that her mom made during when she caught red handed in a bar I think she would had a faithful friend first then start appearing as a boy friend thinking that she might be too taking care of yourself sharing things with you personaly instead of goning wrong way and at last I think you will won on her for getting into love