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jimmybuffet13 · Mar 7, 2003, 05:41 PM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, we have lived on the same college campus for this amount of time so our relationship has been very close-knit. We love each other to death, but he have one huge difference that hurts the relationship. She wishes to save sex for marriage and I do not. I feel as though we should be making love (not just for physical reasons, we have a healthy physical relationship without sex) because we love each other. I feel as though she feels that I am not deserving of her body, but she continues to tell me that it is just something that she does not want to do... We sleep together almost every night and every time we start messing around in bed we stop just before sex- I can tell she wants to do it- what can we do to solve this problem?

katie_s · Mar 8, 2003, 01:44 PM

Wow! I think that's really good that she can hold out like that. :) I tried that before but I ended up losing my virginity. If that is the way she feels.. I think that if she gives in one day then that is fine. But don't try to change her. You two sound like you have an awesome relationship. One I am envious at this time. Maybe you don't need to have sex.. Once you have it the intense waiting will be all gone.

jimmybuffet13 · Mar 18, 2003, 12:35 AM

Thank you for complementing us on our relationship- I would never try to change her... thanks again for the reassurance.

dwalex · Mar 18, 2003, 05:20 PM

Think about it like this, what gift would be more precious for her to give you on your wedding night than her viginity? Why rob her... And you of that opportunity? Sounds like you got a winner, figure out how to hang on to her.
Best wishes,
Dwalex

chaz1797 · May 14, 2003, 11:08 PM

This is hard because you have to respect her feelings so maybe you need to talk and figure out what you should do , maybe you shouldn't sleep together and if your going to get married bring up the date to something that will happen soon or if your going to shack up do so and stop the game playing and get into a serious relationship, but remember respect her wishes, if in fact is what she wants... Good luck and God bless

Chaz :) remember good things come to those that wait.

oneguyinohio · Nov 14, 2007, 12:09 PM

I have to agree with the previous post. If you see anything in her other than her body, wait. She won't forget and neither will you. If you put pressure on her to satisfy your wants, you won't forget that either.

Despite all the stories that guys tell each other on college campuses, you are not missing anything by waiting. Take the pressure to have that experience away, and just enjoy every minute you can with her... What if one of you were to die suddenly and you missed out on even one second of that enjoyment because you were unhappy not to be going all the way?

I know it's tempting... you're an adult now though, so hang in there and feel good that you are thinking of her over your raging hormones...

statictable · Nov 14, 2007, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by jimmybuffet13

She continues to tell me that it is just something that she does not want to do..

Very sorry but here goes.

I assume your both from the western world and the college you attend is located in non rural America.
I assume your both over 18 and mentally healthy.
I assume she is not with extreme, dogmatic religious rituals.
I assume you know her family and there are no issues.

Was she in relationships prior to college?
Are you familiar with her background?
Are you familiar with human nature and behavior?

OK, let's take this into the lab for analysis or would that be a waste of time? To me it would be a waste of time and from your post there was little to go on aside from the 3 years, college, sleep together, true love, save it for marriage, your frustrated etc.

Going with my assumptions and your text I think of the following and if I'm wrong I apologize at this time. I think you've been misled. Is it possible your girlfriend was stung sometime before you knew her. Is it possible she had intimate contact with some guy she fell for and was dumped? Is it possible she remembers how that felt and wants to avoid any chance of a repeat? Is it possible she was in many very short term intimate relationships? Is it possible she has problems with self control once she's engaged in intimacy, e.g. casualy extending her feelings for intimacy to others? Could intimacy be so distracting that she might fear she'd see her grades drop?

Lots of questions but they are my questions and they are based on many assumptions which is not a good practice but... I find it hard to believe that a healthy and bright young woman can be in a relationship with a healthy and bright young man she's in love with as he is with her for THREE YEARS while sharing the same bed and not answer to a very normal hormonal drive which would be present in the majority of healthy human females experiencing like relationships. Yes I agree this was practiced in the west into the second half of the 20th century and continues to this day in many other cultures and respect is given as it should. It's like having a Ferrari-Enzo in your garage and your partner keeps asking when she can go for a ride and you tell her your going to wait 4 or 5 years and then on the first night after the wedding you'll both take it out for a 4 hour spin. You have the key to the garage and the key to the Ferrari but guess what? That fantastic red machine is not going to start, zip, zero, nope. Believe in magic from time to time but never all the time unless you hold all the keys.

ryaninvegas · Nov 14, 2007, 07:16 PM

Just doesn't sound healthy. I would recommend test driving a car before just assuming it rides okay and making a big purchase