[HighSchoolGirly]

I don't know where to being and that's kind of bothering me also. =/

My mom is 40 and has anxiety problems. She was diagnosed by her doctor a couple months ago. Her doctor gave her presciptions for paxil and xanax. She took the pills not even for a week and then she stopped taking them because they made her "feel funny." She had the same problem years ago. I remember when I was 8-12 it happened a lot. It somehow, by some miracle disappeared. And now it's back. She has panic attacks almost every time we leave the house. I try asking her what she thinks is wrong. She doesn't know which I really didn't expect her to know since it's a mental problem. She doesn't even remotly know. She responds with "I don't know. I can't leave. I just can't. I won't." I offered to take her to talk to a different dr. maybe a Psycologist or something and she can't do that because she can barley speak english so she doesn't know what to say.


I'm 18, I work, and I go to college. I have to go grocery shopping take my three sisters and brother everywhere they need and want to go. It's driving me crazy. I can't do it anymore. Today was the last straw for me. This past week has. We don't have a thing to eat in the fridge and we haven't for the past week. My mom won't go grocery shopping. She's refused over and over again. When I go shopping, she complains that I get too much junk food. What am I supposed to do? I'm 18 shopping with a 16 yr old, a 12 yr old, a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old. She doesn't even know what she wants me to bring home.

Today I begged her to go grocery shopping after I got home from an 8 hr shift. The kids were complaining about being hungry. She refused a couple times. Two hours later she came to my room asking to go. So we drove not even five minutes away to get gas and then head to the store. I got $35 in gas and then what do you know, my mom's sitting in the car, "Please take me home, take me home." I told her she was acting like a toddler and I told her that I can't stand this anymore and I kind of yelled about it. I started driving home again and she said "Okay lets go to the store." I make a K turn and now she starts crying again. Holy mother of Jesus. What am I to do?


This is seriously driving me crazy. I can't do this. And I feel terrible for saying this. I feel so selfish, so guilty, like I'm letting my whole family down. But this is so much stress on me. I'm starting to feel depressed. I can't do this anymore. I can't watch my mom be like this. It hurts way too much.


I'm very sorry if this whole thing is a rant but I no longer have friends to talk to. My mom ruined my social life. She calls me literally every 5 minutes when I leave the house to hangout with someone. I have boyfriend but my mom doesn't approve of him because he's not of the same religion (Which drives me nuts since we don't even practice our religion) so I can't really hang out with him and talk to him about this too much. My dad is a work a holic and only comes home to sleep now. I don't blame him.

I really know what I need from readers. Maybe a prayer or two? Maybe some advice on how to handle this and not let this drive me anymore crazy.


:(

[Clough]

Hi, HighSchoolGirly!

So is your father involved at all with the children and helping with the situation concerning your mother?

Thanks!

[HighSchoolGirly]

Not at all.

[ditamarie]

God Bless you... your mom sounds like... ME. The not wanting to leave the house, not wanting to do ANYTHING.. whole bit. I too suffer Depression and on top of that? PMDD. I diagnosed myself as being mentally ill of some sorts and went screaming into a local Mental Health facility telling them that I was NOT NORMAL and that I needed help. I take Lexapro. It took about 8 weeks for it to kick in but it gave me my life back.

You yelled at your mom but you coud not help it. Her illness is affecting you. She needs to stay on this medication first of all, long enough for it TO work. May be that once SHE FEELS the difference she will want to continue taking it. Now I wish I had some idea of how to tell you to get her to take it. I feel so bad for you, but your mom really can not help it. Had someone tried to tell ME to go to the Doctor, truth be told I would have been too depressed to even leave the house to go. But I care for my very old mom and I HAVE to perform no matter how depressed I am because it is not in me for HER to suffer. I went because I was losing the drive to even care for her. So, my mom save my life. Had she not been in my care I think I would have done nothing for myself.

I came here seeking AC Fan Motor help.. but I am coming back to see how it turned out for your mom and YOU and I am sending up a prayer right now for you.

Someone has to get her to take those meds for long enoug for them to actually kick in... ((hugs)))

Dita

[Wondergirl]

Can some of the kids stay home with your mom while you grocery shop? Maybe the bunch of you can whomp up a shopping list with easy-to-prepare foods, veggies, fruits, and some snacks for fun.

I agree totally with ditamarie. Get back to the doctor and talk with him about the meds. Some of them don't kick in immediately, so your mom will have to be patient. And some won't work for her, so she will have to get switched to something else.

I can't thank you enough for stepping up to the plate here for your family and being the adult who's managing things. Enlist the help of your sibs to help you however they can. Can you pull Dad into things too?

[HighSchoolGirly]

Dita,
Thank you so much for your time. I really do appreciate it. Your words brought me some comfort and some strength to help my mom get back on that medication. I'm really glad you responded to my rant. Thank you for the prayer and for the hugs, I need those more than ever.. And I feel like I felt it through the computer.. =x

[Clough]

The first thing that I would suggest doing is speaking with your dad about the issue and seeing what he will do. Have you already tried doing that? He is one of the persons who is legally responsible for the welfare of the minor children, isn't he?

[HighSchoolGirly]

Wondergirl,
I think I'll get the kids together and make a list right after I finish writing you.
As for my mother and the meds, I'll try and speak with her doctor over the phone tomorrow, that's a good idea.
And if I didn't step up to the plate, things would be so much worse. I'm just trying to keep everything including myself together. =x
Unfortunetly sometimes when I'm angry and because I'm young, I don't always see the answers so clearly. Thanks very much for responding!



Clough, yeah. I've tried but I guess it doesn't hurt to ask again and let him know how I feel.
Thanks for your post.

[ditamarie]

You are so welocme. I liked the response asking about Dad's involvement. I also think that it would be a very good thing to summon family members. Not the Gossipy ones.. (and face it we all have those, LOL!) family that you trust.

Meet in a relative's living room and tell them : "I NEED YOUR HELP." Tell then what you told us. Get someone more on your mom's level to have a chat with her and to explain to her what it is doing to YOU. In the same way as I dragged my butt out of this house for help in orser to take care of MY MOM? YOUR MOM may start taking those med FOR YOU.

Sometimes when I want my son to "Listen," I get his fav Aunt to speak to him about a matter. And mom may listen to a family member better than she listens to you. Just works that way, sometimes.

Dita

[Wondergirl]

You're not alone. You've got us for ideas, and you sound like a strong person who will find ways to implement those ideas.

It won't mean anything to you right now when I say this, but, trust me, what you are learning right now about how to care for your sibs and mom and how to talk with you dad about the situation will pay off later. I don't know how it will pay off -- maybe in your marriage or when your parents are older and failing or maybe when you start having your own children or even somehow at work. But what you are doing and learning right now will pay off big time! It did for me in a slightly different way. Plus, you will be a better person for it -- smarter, a good problem-solver, more resourceful, kinder, and generally an all-round cool person.

[HighSchoolGirly]

I got my dad and some family to my house and told them what was going on and they were glad to help. My cousin has been living with us for four days making sure everything is in order and helping out. My mom started taking the meds again and she's feeling "a bit" better.

Wondergirl, even though too much time hasn't passed, I already feel like a stronger person. And I know I'll be using what I've learned someday again in the future(:

[Wondergirl]

I am so proud of you! You stepped up to the plate and got others involved. It sounds like changes for the better are happening. Prayers are great, but the Lord helps those who help themselves. I wish everyone who came to this site for help would dig in and get results as quickly as you did!

[HighSchoolGirly]

Thanks! I'm proud of myself. My mom is doing a lot better so I'm very happy that asked for help here and stepped up and did what I did.

And again, thanks to everyone who helped me out!

[Wondergirl]

I'm glad we could give advising help. But you did all the work!