[citylove77]

Ok, so Ill try to make this easy to understand. Looking for a woman's point of view on this one (but both sides are greatly appreciated)

So I started dating a woman I work with a little over 2 years ago. We saw each other for about 8 months, then she moved away to travel for a bit for several months, then came back to where we work now. When she came back I was seeign someone then I ended that relationship to date her again. The second time we dated was only for about 3 months. Then after that she started dating someone. I let that take its course, but periodically while she was with someone else I told her I wish we were still together... needless to say "timing" seem to be horrible for us. In her favor, she did put more effort in to making us work the first time around.

She and I both came out of a 2 year relationship when we first started seeing each other. I wouldn't say it was a rebound because we both dated other people prior to us dating the first time. We had gone together to a mutual friends wedding and that's how things started developing for us. In the begiining I had very strong feelings for her, but something was still holding me back from my past relationship, or perhaps I just wasn't ready to get my heart broken again. When she moved away to boston, she had explained to me she would have stayed if I asked her to. Which to me I don't think she would have, just perhaps wanted to be asked. So she came home, we dated again, it was short lived... all the while we have still managed to be friends after both breakup, and maintain a work relationship. So through the course of makeups and breakups, and leaving and everything else, I feel I'm stuck with the same but different situation all over again.

About 2 months agao she had told me she wants to go to NY for a few months to just live and figure some things out and possibly find a career their? But more then likely wants to come back to where we live. I had decided I can't fight how I have been feelign for her after the off/on past 2 plus years relatuionship we have. So id ecided to write her a love letter. Yes, a hand written love letter. I stated everything from how we met, to things that remind of her, how I feel about her in detail, and to where id like to see it go if we had that chance. As of last Saturday night 7/10/10
I asked to talk with her after work, she agreed and then I gave her the letter. The following day she replied through a text message "thank you for the letter, its very lovely, still processing it all, we'll talk tomorrow".
So the day to talk came and she had said she liked the letter but she is leaving for nY still. I asked her if she still has feelings for me and she said yes, but she still needs to leave and still sort things out. I ended up doing most of the talking only because she's kind of the type that is a woman of few words in an that type of situation. I more or less explained to her that I wdidnt want her to leave, but understand she had to, how I feel about her and why, and basically that I am falling in love with her. She said she loves how I compliment her and the letter was very nice, and its one of the nicest things anyone has done for her and so on. And she even said the timing is just bad. I asked her to think about all I had written and said and to get back to me. I also aksed her not to to just say something nice or feel she had to just because I said all I did. We have worked with each other since and its hard because in some ways Im waiting for an answer I'm not sure she's ready to give, due to the fact she's leaving in a few weeks.

I guess what Im asking is knowing that I put my feelings out there to her in a letter nad verbally what should I expect? The night we talked she said that if she wasn't leaving we could go on dates and that she DOES still have feelings for me, but she's leaving for now, so she's not sure what to tell me, she said she didn't want to say too much for now. She explained to me that she didn't realize I was that serious about her and sees it now, but then just went onj to explain the timing is just bad. In my thoughts I feel like I gave her this letter and all this stuff is out there and I'm trying to figure out if she's even given it a second thought after that ? Or will it maybe take her being in NY to start thinking about all that I have said to her? I don't intend on doing anymore then I have because the last thing I want to do is keep telling her what she knows now and don't want to be too pushy and demand an answer. I guess I'm just wondering on the probability that she will give it some thought over time and give me a more defining answer?

Any thoughts and feeling on this very long explanation would be appreciated. Thank you...

[kctiger]

I feel like she had her mind made up a long time ago. I think your feelings are much stronger than hers and her priority right now is to go out and explore life and maybe even find out who she really is. You've said and written all you can, but it's time to let her go because she doesn't want to be held on to, not for now at least.

[talaniman]

KC is right, you have done your part now let go. Wait no longer for her answers as its her actions that are important. I highly suggest that you consider doing your own thing and let her do hers as if she felt as you do, then you would be together building. You are not, so don't sit in limbo hoping and waiting.

[Kitkat22]

Don't pursue her. Let her go. She will have a whole different outlook on things. I think maybe she has outgrown the life she's been used to and wants to explore.

She'll love NY and she'll eventually break away completely. She hasn't led you on so just let her go and wish her luck.

[citylove77]

Ok, so Ill try to make this easy to understand. Looking for a woman's point of view on this one (but both sides are greatly appreciated)

So I started dating a woman I work with a little over 2 years ago. We saw each other for about 8 months, then she moved away to travel for a bit for several months, then came back to where we work now. When she came back I was seeign someone then I ended that relationship to date her again. The second time we dated was only for about 3 months. Then after that she started dating someone. I let that take its course, but periodically while she was with someone else I told her I wish we were still together... needless to say "timing" seem to be horrible for us. In her favor, she did put more effort in to making us work the first time around.

She and I both came out of a 2 year relationship when we first started seeing each other. I wouldn't say it was a rebound because we both dated other people prior to us dating the first time. We had gone together to a mutual friends wedding and that's how things started developing for us. In the begiining I had very strong feelings for her, but something was still holding me back from my past relationship, or perhaps I just wasn't ready to get my heart broken again. When she moved away to boston, she had explained to me she would have stayed if I asked her to. Which to me I don't think she would have, just perhaps wanted to be asked. So she came home, we dated again, it was short lived... all the while we have still managed to be friends after both breakup, and maintain a work relationship. So through the course of makeups and breakups, and leaving and everything else, I feel I'm stuck with the same but different situation all over again.

About 2 months agao she had told me she wants to go to NY for a few months to just live and figure some things out and possibly find a career their? But more then likely wants to come back to where we live. I had decided I can't fight how I have been feelign for her after the off/on past 2 plus years relatuionship we have. So id ecided to write her a love letter. Yes, a hand written love letter. I stated everything from how we met, to things that remind of her, how I feel about her in detail, and to where id like to see it go if we had that chance. As of last Saturday night 7/10/10
I asked to talk with her after work, she agreed and then I gave her the letter. The following day she replied through a text message "thank you for the letter, its very lovely, still processing it all, we'll talk tomorrow".
So the day to talk came and she had said she liked the letter but she is leaving for nY still. I asked her if she still has feelings for me and she said yes, but she still needs to leave and still sort things out. I ended up doing most of the talking only because she's kind of the type that is a woman of few words in an that type of situation. I more or less explained to her that I wdidnt want her to leave, but understand she had to, how I feel about her and why, and basically that I am falling in love with her. She said she loves how I compliment her and the letter was very nice, and its one of the nicest things anyone has done for her and so on. And she even said the timing is just bad. I asked her to think about all I had written and said and to get back to me. I also aksed her not to to just say something nice or feel she had to just because I said all I did. We have worked with each other since and its hard because in some ways Im waiting for an answer I'm not sure she's ready to give, due to the fact she's leaving in a few weeks.

I guess what Im asking is knowing that I put my feelings out there to her in a letter nad verbally what should I expect? The night we talked she said that if she wasn't leaving we could go on dates and that she DOES still have feelings for me, but she's leaving for now, so she's not sure what to tell me, she said she didn't want to say too much for now. She explained to me that she didn't realize I was that serious about her and sees it now, but then just went onj to explain the timing is just bad. In my thoughts I feel like I gave her this letter and all this stuff is out there and I'm trying to figure out if she's even given it a second thought after that ? Or will it maybe take her being in NY to start thinking about all that I have said to her? I don't intend on doing anymore then I have because the last thing I want to do is keep telling her what she knows now and don't want to be too pushy and demand an answer. I guess I'm just wondering on the probability that she will give it some thought over time and give me a more defining answer?

Any thoughts and feeling on this very long explanation would be appreciated. Thank you...

[martinizing2]

You poured your heart out to her and it sounds like you have been patient and understanding toward her.

I have no doubt she knows how you feel. How could she not when you have said it to her and gave it to her in writing.

And her reaction is apathetic at best.

I am sorry to say this but I think the chance of her telling you anything you hope to hear are little to none.

I think she is moving to NY to move on and she most likely not going to be giving you any thought at all.

I think the best thing you could do at this point is to realize this is at an end.Stop all contact with her, it is only going to hurt you more and make healing from this harder to do and take longer to do.
And by stop all contact that means calls, texts, Facebook and all similar sites. Any means of communication with her should be shut down.
It will be hard and it will be painful to do that now. But it will get more painful and be harder to get done the longer you put it off.

This may sound harsh and cold. And it sounds like that because it is. But it is also necessary to save some dignity and self respect that you will lose if you let her ignore you after you pour your feelings out and only want an answer she won't give.

This is over. It is time to for you to move on to better things.

And in time there will be better things

[Kitkat22]

Martinizing is right, she is moving on. She hasn't lied to you about her intentions so at least you know where you stand.

I think you should give yourself time to get over her. After you have had a sufficient amount of NC
You'll see things in a whole new light. Good Luck

[sully123]

Just like she said, it was bad timing. She has her mind made up and you aren't going to be able to change it. You have to let her go. She wants to find herself and build a career in NY and doesn't include you. It stinks and it hurts. Nothing will change her mind at this point, no pleading no begging. You just have to let her go and wish her well.

[Homegirl 50]

Let her go. I think she has made herself pretty clear.
She is flattered but does not feel the same way about you.
Leave her alone and move on with your life.

[Kitkat22]

Let her go. I think she has made herself pretty clear.
She is flattered but does not feel the same way about you.
Leave her alone and move on with your life.

True Homegirl... gotta spread the rep right now.:)

[SamBuzz]

If you try to push her faster than she wants to go, you will push her away... If you try to pull her faster than she wants to go, she will lose grip on the rope, and she will fall away...

I like the eharmony commercial where the founder says "You don't work at relationships, you play at relationship...."

I know what it's like to want to be heavy, get all the answers now, lay it on the table, get it all tucked in, figure out where she stands. Unfortunately, that seems to be a man thing, it seems to scare away women.

It's going to be difficult to play at a long distance relationship. But somehow you must if you want a chance...

It seems like you have a green light to keep in contact with her, but keep the contact light. Send her an occasional hand written letter, or maybe even better, a non threatening humorous card.

Tell her things about your day, how you deal with people. Help her get to know you in that way.

Don't bug her too much, it's like a game of tennis. Bat a message to her, wait for her to return the ball, then respond again.

At this point, you must let her be the one to say she misses you...

Show interest in her life, ask her how she is doing, but better than that, ask more specifically, assume she is really doing well there, for example "So tell me what your favorite restaurant is that you have found there...."

But she does know you to some degree... just see if you can share life... but keep it a little bit light... let her know about fun things you are still doing.

[citylove77]

Ok so, after the last time I wrote a novel about my current situation I feel so confused around the girl in question?
As a recap we dated for a while for the past 2 years off and on and maintained a friendship no matter what (with a few bumps of course) So if you read my 1st post on here you will understand this one...
Anyway...
So she's leaving in a few weeks and we always have fun at work or if we hang out in a group, but she is afraid to hang out alone. Its just hard to deal with after you've dted someone, been intimate with them... and still have feelings for them
So here's the thing... everyone at work for the most part knows I wrote her a love letter and more then know how I feel about her. She has told a few girls from work that she likes me and doesn't know what to do, has feelings for me and everything I do is very sweet and I make her laugh and so on... Its like I know everything about her so I just know her moods and her looks and everything. She gives me the look sometime, so I do know she's somewhat interested but not sure maybe what to do with those feelings since she's leaving for 3 months? Then a girl from work last night tells me that they had a talk after work last Saturday and she told her she doesn't feel the same and feels bad about it. Ok so Im 33 and she's 30 and this is feeling very high school but anyway.
I believe what she has told our coworkers which unanimously is she likes me, but what I'm hung up on is the fact she gives me mixed signals. Sexy funny and smart one day then kind of cold and standoffish the next.
After I wrote her 3 weeks back and we talked about it, she said to me she still has feelings and its bad timing, that I get...
It's the mixed signals that are killing me
Im really hoping she wasn't just telling me what I want to hear just to make me feel good or because she didn't know what to say... id like to think after all we been through I deserve more then that?

I suppose Im wondering if maybe her time in NYC is what she might need to sort her head out and see if she misses me because I have MORE then told her how I feel so I don't feel I need to do anymore work. This is just so weird to me, considering we dated before and enjoy each others company. So my concewrn is... if she knows how I feel about her and yet she still shows me attention, what gives? This firl could have any guy she wants so its not like she needs an ego boost from me? I know if someone had told me they like me and I didn't feel that way at all.. I would just be nice to them but nothing more..?
Anyway, that's the latest update with me and her, just wondering what I should expect from this girl in months to come

Thank you...

[positiveparent]

I believe you've already been advised about this.

However I think once she goes to NYC then that will be it, and the relationship will be over, she has as good as told you this.

By her saying she needs a break she's as good as telling you its over.

Let it go and move on with your life.

Sorry there's no other way to put it. You're holding onto false hope.

[talaniman]

She isn't sending you mixed signals, it just that your receiver is flawed. We always have a blurred view of reality when we get dumped and have to still be around the ex a lot. Its hard to know what's real, and what's false when your feelings are still all stirred up like yours are. That's why No Contact is the best thing to do after a break up. You can't so it's a lot harder for you, but like PP says, after she leaves it will be better.

Until then don't trip over yourself, and limit your contact, but no reason to be rude, just unavailable so much at work.

[Kitkat22]

She is not wanting a break... she wants out. She is going to start a new life and you are not part of it.