[JGUYDM]

I have a lot to say. I've known my current girlfriend for three years as a (good) friend before we started dating. It's been nine months that we've been together.. at first, we were deeply in love. We always told each other we wanted to be together forever, sent each other e-mails every day, all that stuff.

It was pretty much the "honeymoon effect" that leads to failed relationships that usually don't last longer than a few months.. but we've gotten more serious. I really want to be with her for a long time, and I know she feels the same. I'm willing to work for that, and compromise things to keep the relationship healthy.. maybe too willing..

Pretty much through the entire relationship I've been doing whatever I can to satisfy what she wants and needs, without really thinking about myself. If she wasn't happy with something, I would do my best to change whatever it was.. She was basically controlling me, but she didn't do it on purpose.

I lack confidence. I used to have very bad acne when we started dating, and my self-esteem was pretty much dead. I've lost most of the acne and it's not bad enough to affect me mentally now.. I'm trying to improve my self-esteem, trying to be more confident, but it's hard..

She told me today (and once before but nothing really changed) that she wants to take things slow because she doesn't like rushing into things. I completely agree with that and think that taking things slowly would really help, but I'm so used to being so affectionate that it's going to be hard to stop.

I always touch her and kiss her and things and I never realised how much it bothered her until I talked to her tonight. She does sometimes tell me to stop touching her and stuff, but I push it off because she'll just say a cute little "stopppppp" and I don't think it means much.. but I'm wrong..

I guess I have a lot of psychological problems that I need to sort out. I've never been open with anyone like I am with her..



I'm going to try to stop saying things that don't help.. Sorry..

Basically what I want is to be more confident, more open and I want to make us happy together, but I don't know how. She works a lot, I don't have a job. I'm 17, going to college in a year and I have no savings or anything. I've been looking for a job for almost a year now, but with no experience and a lack of self-esteem it's hard.

I think I worry too much about the relationship because I have too much spare time.. Does anyone have any advice on how I can become more self-confident, improve our relationship and how to be less shy and more open with people? (not just my girlfriend)


PS: I'm ugly. I have a weird face, weird hair, a weird figure, I'm just plain ugly. I'm really skinny and I try to work out (a lot) but it doesn't change much other than my arms..

[BigE285]

You need to ask yourself a series of questions- How much do I love/like this girl, Am I compromising too much to be with her, What would life be like without her. If you truly love this girl, then you need to do what you can to keep her happy. Especially if you cannot imagine a life without her. Trust me, the pain of losing someone you truly love is second to no pain. In my opinion however, you're incredibly young and relationships should not be a key focus in your life. You need to find a job! I know the economy is rough, but you should at the very least be able to find a gig flipping burgers somewhere. Once you have that job experience, getting your next job won't be so difficult. In order to get your first job, you need to go into the interview with the mindset I am the best possible person for this position. Even if you're nervous or lack confidence, you need to hide this and present intelligence. Be sure to dress appropriately as well. Trust me, if you do this correctly, you will get a job. I have never failed. Being more social is also a relatively easy task. The key here is to have a sense of humor. Don't be afraid to laugh if you feel something is funny, and definitely contribute to conversations that you're interested in. It takes a little practice, but once you get use to meeting people and communicating on a daily basis, you will become a social legend, a lot like myself. Being a member of the work force will go a long way in improving your social abilities by the way. Lastly, don't sit around and claim you're ugly. It is pathetic. You're unique in your own way. I guarantee it. You just have to find out what qualities about you stand out. For instance, I am a big guy. I have a little belly, I always felt 6 packs were overrated. At the same time, I am very tall and I have big muscles. I overcome the little bad with a lot of good. Not only that, I am an absolute beast. You see that, I might have a high ego, but it works for me. You need to find that happy medium connecting being both cocky, but at the same time humble. In other words, show off the good things you have to offer. I hope this god damn essay I just wrote you helps. It will if you take the advice. Let me know if you have further questions..

Big Sex

[sully123]

Your way too hard on yourself, lighten up. Stop putting yourself down. YOUR girlfriend senses all this stuff. Your beating yourself up. I understand jobs are hard too find, but it's a heck of lot easier to find a job at 17 then older. So many food chains are looking for teenagers to work. That's what you need to prove yourself to your girlfriend. You need money to live and to date, and your not going to get it not working. Stop worrying about yourself and what you think, get out there and make it. Good luck.

[redhed35]

I'm sure your girlfriend does not think your ugly,and you must have some redeeming qualities that she loves,otherwise why would she be with you.

Your lack of self confidence is going to be your downfall,you need to find something that is yours,soemthing you can strive towards and takes up your mind and time,something that's not another person.

I'm going to suggest a book for you,its anthony robbins 'release the giant within',it's a self help book and I believe you would gain from reading it.

Have you tried exercise,running,swimming,something you can get good at,also the steam room at the gym will do wonders for your skin.

Drink lots of water,and get checked out by a doctor for your skin conditon.

Get busy,volunteer in a shelter for the homeless or an animal shelter,what about local politics? Ask for work experience in the field your interested in,check out local ads for handy work,a days pay for a days work.

There are loads of things you can do for yourself,and the knock on effect can be positive in all areas of your life.

[Starry nights]

Your post is as much about beating yourself up(in public,which you are quite willing to do),as about how to make things work in your relationship.

My opinion is both are interlinked issues.How do you love someone if you hate yourself so much?How do you make things work in a relationship when you don't work on yourself as an individual first,a person with strong and weak qualities,a person who has the right to dream,achieve and be successful?

You admit you have low self esteem.So what?Million others do too.So,what are you doing/willing to do about that?You have acne,you are skinny,you are weird.You don't seem happy with the way you look.You have a choice.Moan or do something about it.Or don't moan and be happy the way you are.Eitherways,DO something about it.

17 is the age when you are discovering yourself,your life,this beautiful world and its people.Its the time to dream,spread your wings and fly,work on yourself,develop you personality,find out your areas of interest,hang out with friends,get into sports/hobbies,simply BE HAPPY.17 isn't the age where you just sit around and complain about life.What will you do when you reach 37 and do have serious problems at hand,like loss of someone special,god forbid,or something tougher than that.Would you still complain about how harsh life is and why you are the one who's suffering?

We all have our own little tragedies,our own horror stories,our own chinks in the armour.Everyone of us.Even your girl-friend,for whom you are willing to do everything and not a single thing for yourself.Its strange,isn't it,that we always manage to put others ahead of us and love them(or think we do)and do everything for them when actually,the first love affair we should have is with ourselves.

Get out and get a life.Stop sounding tragic because you have acne and weird hair.Some people don't even have a limb,at your age.Develop new skills,learn stuff,work out a career-path,get busy knowing who you are first.Spend time reading personal improvement books and practise being confident within the confines of your bedroom and then replicate that with other people.Do stuff and quit brooding on your relationship.People love those who are confident about who they are,are secure about themselves and live life on their own terms and don't just dwell on looks.

[talaniman]

Stop the negative self talk, and stop being so overly affectionate to your girlfriend. Maybe you are a bit carried away by the thrill of being with her, but have some self control, as I can't help myself is no excuse.

Volunteer at a church or hospital until you can get a job, any job. Confidence comes from deeds, action, and accomplishments, and positive self talk that shows you love yourself, and can share that love with others, and a hopeful, positive attitude.

The posters here are giving you great insights and advice to help you know and love the person you are, as you pursue your life. Listen to it, and follow it.

[positiveparent]

Hi Jguydm

Try printing off the following affirmations put them where you can see them easily and whenever you feel inadequate and down read them out loud once twice three times or more, these will help you build some confidence in yourself

Also click on this link HERE and follow the pages on the site the links take you too, you'll soon be feeling better about yourself. All you need is some Positive Self Talk, please try the suggestions here it really will help...

Here are the affirmations you need to keep telling yourself.

I am.
I am a good person.
I am loved.
I am love.
I am worthy of prosperity.
I am worthy of abundance.
I am worthy of joy.
I am worthy of happiness.
I am perfect health.
I am perfect order.
I am always successful.
I am mentally clear.
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my life only.
I am free to choose the direction of my life.
I am choosing the direction of my life.
I am in control of my life.
I am in control of my life only.
I am blessing everyone and everything in my life.
I am safe and secure.
I am completely safe and secure.
I am forgiven.
I am forgiving all others.
I am at peace with myself.
I am at peace with the world.
I am open to all knowledge.
I am letting the knowledge reveal truth.
I am open to all truth.
I am open only to truth.
I am living in truth.
I am truth.
I am in my perfect career now.
I am being myself.
I am open to my perfect loving partner now.
I am open to let my life's purpose reveal itself to me now.
I am ready to receive my good.
I am courage.
I am whole.
I am eternal.
I am living in eternity now.
I am living in the present now.
I am loving myself.
I am loving all others.
I am providing good in this world.
I am allowing good into all phases of my life.

[AskTheKitty]

Those affirmations are awesome and so powerful.
PositiveParent,Thank you very much for posting them here.

JGUYDM, I hope you'll read and adopt these as truths in your
Life. You sound like a very kind and caring person with a lot of
Love to give. I hope that you will also learn to love yourself
And the person you are. This is so important before you can fully
Love another.

Also, we all have at least one thing about ourselves that we're not
Crazy about or would like to change about our appearance, so you're
Not alone. Our differences make us unique, not ugly. We're always our
Own worst critics.