[AnthonyR6]

My girlfriend and I have been broken up for over a month. We agreed to be friends but it only lasted a week until she changed her mind. She then wanted to be friends again. She invited me out to dinner so I went. After dinner I told her I had to go pick up my brothers from my cousins house. She told me she still wanted to hang out with me. I told her to follow me if she wanted to hang out, so she did. I left the car for my brother I drove her car around and just talked. We talked a little about each other and she told me she didn't want me to date other girls and just be there for her when she needs me. I told her she is being self-fished, and we squashed that issue. She dropped me off and tells me she still wanted to hang out though, but she said it wasn't the right thing to do. We text messaged each other for two days after that. She talked about us getting back together, marriage in the future, and us getting our own place. I felt connected again. She called me at like 2am at night on Wednesday saying she wanted to her my voice, so we talked for like five minutes. The next morning she hated me more then anything in the world. She said it was a mistake what she did and she won't send out anymore mixed messages. We stopped talking for a about two weeks until she sent me a funny email. I responded back and she was like mad. So I told her to don't text me, call me, IM me, or email me until she is ready to be my friend. She texted me the next day and we talked again. She said she wants us to be friends AGAIN. We went out to lunch and everything was cool. She told me about her finance issue and asked if she can HAVE 350 dollars, so I gave it to her because I still love her and care for her. We hung up for about a week every other day and message each other. We we hung out she grabs me sexually but I didn't do anything back. It felt like we were connecting again. We have nice long hugs at the end of the nights. After a week of hanging out she told me she's not even my friend. I was depressed. First thing that came to my mind is, I just got played! We were so happy and nothing was wrong. I told her it felt like you are using me and she said think what you want and hung up. She is Bipolar and I don't want to use that as an excuse anymore. What is going on with her? Is she playing me and using me? She is ignoring me after I ignored her for two days. Don't know what is going on? Help me out please? She also just found out she has PCOS. I told her I would support her through it and be there for her. I am a psychology major and don't want to give up on her knowing she needs help.
Thanks in advance for the advice.

[parisrose]

You need to go NC with her.

She is using you!! Stop being a doormat.

[aimee_tt]

We talked a little about each other and she told me she didn't want me to date other girls and just be there for her when she needs me.

I think that there shows you she is playing you.

She doesn't want you now. But she doesn't want anyone else to have you. She wants you to stick around while she dates others so you will be there when the relationships end. She wants you as a safety blanket.

Stop talking to her now. Bipolar or not you don't have to be treated this way.

[talaniman]

I strongly disagree she is playing you. I think you have made the same mistake so many of us do in that your idea of a relationship was really flawed, and neither of you had the good honest communications to allow you to see that.

Its very typical in a situation like yours to take the trappings of a relationship, the going out, the cuddling, and stuff that feels good, but ignore the bonding part. You ignored the red flags when you couldn't be friends, then try it again, and it still didn't work. Then she tells you that she didn't want you finding another girl.

That should have sealed the deal to leave, and not come back. To bad it didn't, as everything that came after that was not bonding, or communications but appeasement by you both. Her to benefit herself, and you because you didn't know how to walk away. Appeasement that you thought would make things better is no substitute for honest communications.

For whatever reason you can't talk, and get things clear, so you can work toward a common goal, be it immaturity, inability, unwillingness, or just plain incompatibility, you have to recognize that you should have been long gone.

No sir, nobody can be used without somebody letting them. Had you set conditions on the loan, that would be fair, but no you gave without condition, or consideration, and that's appeasement. That's what continues the cycle, and after all that you still pledge "love" and support?

Sorry my friend, but this is all about you not paying closer attention, and allowing her to do what she did. Even when she used your own tactics against you with th NOT talking to you, you still have not recognized there is, and never was any communications between you just two people doing their own thing, and having NO real connection.

[Kitkat22]

Get away and stay away. NC

[AnthonyR6]

Do you guys think I should confront her about the money and get it back? I'm real good friends with her sister since she hooked us up. Her sister thinks she is crazy, and she told me her relatives also said that. I don't think that I did anything wrong and was only trying to help her out. If you know me, I'm a very helpful person and care for everyone around me. That's just my nature.

What's NC?

[aimee_tt]

NC is no contact.

You can ask for the money back. But don't count on getting it back.

Take this as a lesson don't lend money. Lending money to a friend is a sure way to lose them.

I did the same thing and lended my friend money then when she asked for more I mentioned she hadn't paid the last few back and she all the sudden she hates me.

But don't worry everyone eventually finds out who they really are... They end up with no one trusting them and no friends.

Sometimes you need to care less.

[talaniman]

I doubt seriously that you will see a dime from her, but that's a small price to pay for the knowledge, and peace of mind, you will have now that your eyes are open, and you can see a path to freedom, and happiness. That path is away from her and her BS!

[Jake2008]

She wants you, she doesn't want you, you continuously fall for being there for whatever purpose she needs at the moment she needs it.

You think it's going to work one minute, and not the next. She gets sexual with you, and then drops you like a hot potato. Then she borrows money out of the blue, and you toss it over. Must be nice to have $350.00 to hand out with no expectation of getting it back.

And you are a psychology major? You have much to learn about people and behaviour, starting with your own.

Allowing yourself to be subjected to manipulation time and time again is keeping you hooked into a relationship that is not a relationship. It isn't even a friendship because she can't make up her mind whether you are friendship material to her. It seems to all depend upon her needs at the time. You fit both a boyfriend, and a friend- who else would put up with her nonsense.

You need to figure out that your needs are not being met in either a relationship with her, or a friendship with her. You are always in the starting gate, and nothing ever changes, except her changing her mind all the time.

If you choose to be her rescuer, counsellor, pin cushion, emotional outlet, shoulder to cry on, and banker, then what do you expect.

Recognizing that you need to cut your losses and move on to more healthier relationships is one thing, but your inability to see that you need to do that, is another.

[Cat1864]

She is Bipolar and I don't want to use that as an excuse anymore... I am a psychology major and don't want to give up on her knowing she needs help.

You have ignored a huge red warning sign. She is Bipolar. She is walking talking time bomb. I say that as someone who has an aunt who is Bipolar. Wonderful woman when she is on her medications (and they are working). A Total terror when she isn't. Bad part is when on medication she thinks she is well again and goes off it leading to worse than you have described.

Yes, she needs help. However, you are not the person to give her the help she needs. She has to want to be better and stay that way. Usually that means hitting rock bottom. Any thing you do (including trying to be a friend) is enabling her behavior and her belief that she is 'normal'.

On the other hand:
Your second post makes me wonder if she has been diagnosed or if her family understands that Bipolar is 'crazy'. IF she hasn't been, then HER FAMILY needs to get her to a doctor for a full check up to determine if she is, in fact, Bipolar or if she might have something else wrong.

Her sister thinks she is crazy, and she told me her relatives also said that.

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep Cat, but you are so right.

Far too many unqualified people throw psychiatric terms around to justify someone's behaviour.

If she has not been professionally diagnossed, she should be.

[AnthonyR6]

My Ex GF is bipolar. She changes into different moods/personality so fast. I don't know if she has been diagnose with bipolar or not. She is not taking any meds. She has been diagnose with PCOS recently which makes it reall hard for her. It brought tears to my eyes when she told me. She is also into the rave scene. Since she has been hanging out with her friends who doEs Exstacy, she has been doing that a lot also now. She said it's the best thing in the world. I don't do drugs and will never do it. She wants me to do it but I refuse to. Since she has been hanging out doing drugs our friendship has gotten worse. She doesn't listen to me about not doing drugs. The point is, you can't help a person who can't help themselves. I tried to get her help about her bipolar but she refuses to. It's not up to me anymore. I'm done trying to help. Every time I do, it always it's up with me being hurt more and more. It's done! NC! I have also been going out hanging with new girls and my friends who is helping me through this a lot. Thanks everyone for your input and feel free to continue to comment.

[Kitkat22]

If she doesn't want help... then you can't make her seek help.

[Jake2008]

Good for you Anthony. If she is not diagnosed with a bipolar or anything else, then she is choosing to use that as an excuse for her behviour.

The drug use is worrysome for sure, especially when it is added to an already troubled individual.

Keep up the good work.

[Kitkat22]

She desperately needs help. She has to reach a point where she knows that is the only way to turn her life around.

It may take hitting rock bottom, before she realizes this. Good Luck.

[AnthonyR6]

I spoke with my ex girlfriend sister and She told me to go get my money back. She is on my Side and understands me and obviously still thinks her sister is a crazy idiot. She said to give it a week and if she don't give it back to me then she's going to make sure I get my money back. She told me her sister is playing mind games with me and they told me she met someone else recently who also do the things she likes. Like drugs (raves and extasy). She told me her sister is going backward and doesn't know what she wants. She is confused in her little mind frame. Now that I know she met someone else I can move on. My ex girlfriend sister is my friend that introduce me to her. She still want me to be part of the family but she said her sister needs to grow up. Thanks everyone.

[Kitkat22]

I spoke with my ex gf sister and She told me to go get my money back. She is on my Side and understands me and obviously still thinks her sister is a crazy idiot. She said to give it a week and if she don't give it back to me then she's going to make sure I get my money back. She told me her sister is playing mind games with me and they told me she met someone else recently who also do the things she likes. Like drugs (raves and extasy). She told me her sister is going backward and doesn't know what she wants. She is confused in her little mind frame. Now that I know she met someone else I can move on. My ex gf sister is my friend that introduce me to her. She still want me to be part of the family but she said her sister needs to grow up. Thanks everyone.

Hope you do great!

[AnthonyR6]

I read a lot about ecstacy and have learn that it is a horrible drug and could really do some damage to your brain. Like depression and other stuff. She is starting to do this a lot and I think she is already addicted to it. I'm going to tell her sister that he needs help. She recently told me she did 6 pills in one night. I know she has done over 15 already and it's just going to get worse. I'm going to make sure she seeks help before she messes up her whole life.

[Kitkat22]

I read a lot about ecstacy and have learn that it is a horrible drug and could really do some damage to your brain. Like depression and other stuff. She is starting to do this a lot and I think she is already addicted to it. I'm going to tell her sister that he needs help. She recently told me she did 6 pills in one night. I know she has done over 15 already and it's just going to get worse. I'm going to make sure she seeks help before she messes up her whole life.

I wish you luck

[talaniman]

The best way to help addicted people is to leave them alone. You have enabled her enough, and she has to be the one to want help in the first place.

The most you can do is let her go, and keep yourself from being dragged down with her. Any more than you have been any way.