[skelley1234]

I really need some advice here. My son has feelings for a girl who is 2 1/2 years younger then him. She was 13 when this started and he is 16. They began this relationship by lying to both sets of parents. My son knew I would not accept this. When I found out I confronted her parents and brought them over to my house. They did not believe me, until they finally had proof. We all discussed and agreed that they would not see each other - or we would make it as hard as possible. I now found out the girls mom is letting them spend monitored time together alone! She has the belief they will do it anyway and she wants her daughter to be honest with her about it so she doesn't do it behind her back. To me that is like my son wanting to do drugs and me allowing it just because he will do it behind my back. I realize this will happen behind my back, but my son should be seeing girls his age! I just cannot support this, but keep hearing people who allow this. This girls parents also think he's a great kid, which he is - but they don't know him the way I do (lying, stealing) If they knew how he can be they might not be so OK with it. They want their daughter to see him because they think he is safe. OMG are they nuts? He is still a 16 year old boy! I don't want him to see her because he needs to grow up and date girls his age! Why AM I the boys parents telling the girls parents NO! AM I WRONG!? Please help me

[Alty]

Wow. Usually it's the parents of the 13 year old girl that come here asking for help, not the parent of the 16 year old boy.

If he's as bad as you say, I don't think he should date anyone. It's not going to matter if the girl is 13 or 16 if he's lying and stealing.

Are you wrong? Well, I can see your concern. At 13 and 16, the age gap is huge development wise.

Here's the thing. Her parents are right. They will sneak out to see each other. You can forbid it all you want, it won't stop this from happening. Personally I think the girls parents are being smart about this. They're trusting their daughter, and at the same time, they're making her realize that she can trust them, come to them with anything.

The only worry I would have is sex. If he has sex with her, he could go to jail, be labeled a sexual predator for the rest of his life. I would make that very clear to him, as I'm sure the girls parents have made it clear to her.

Bottom line, sooner or later you have to trust your child, you have to let him go, set boundaries, but work with him, not against him because he's doing something you don't like.

He's not doing drugs. He's not robbing stores. He's not raping anyone, nor is he abusing anyone. He's dating. It's not the end of the world.

Sit down with him, talk about it, work out a plan so that he can date her, but you can know what's going on. That's what her parents are doing, and I suggest you do the same.

[ouch101]

I agree with both parties.
1. If his record is bad, tell the other parents. Make it clear You don't think its safe. Make sure He knows it too!
2. The 13's parents are right. They'll do it anyway. By letting this happen the parents are saying they trust her to make good choices like not having sex.
3. Its not drugs it dating. 13 year old are to young to understand dating yet. There is no way she truly loves your son.
4. A big part of dating is attraction. A 13 is probably attracted to your son, even if she doesn't understand it. I doubt your son is attracted to her as she is to him. She probably has the qualities he's looking for in a girlfriend. Make it clear sex is not an option. He'll probably get bored and find someone his age. I'm sure she's pretty but a 16 has a lot more to offer your son. (sad but true) Your son who's I'm guessing is good looking, probably has girls lining up to date him.
5. I once knew a girl who dated a 15 1/2 at 13. She thought it was cool and got attention for it. They broke you. He met a girl his age. She didn't love him and got over. She mostly liked his personality and the attention.
6. tell your son this: If you love//like her now you'll like her in 2 years. 13 are going though changes and don't know who they are yet. That he's taking advantage of her. To 13 dating is a title. "hes my boyfriend,I'm his girlfriend" nothing more. That he should let her be a 13. She's probably not ready for the relationship he's looking for. Tell him he needs to learn to love what's good for him. That girls his age are and not 13.

[kyeota]

Sceintist say age is only a number and that it depends on the couple in there maturity socially. I think its OK once there not engaging and anything seroius maybe they love each other for who they are and it would be unfair to break it up between dem and its said (not meaning to be sexist) that girls mature faster than boys I think you should leave dem be but keep an eye on dem at the same time I once had a friend wheen she was 13 was going with a 17 year old ut nothing more than kissing eva happened between dem you may not agree but tats my point of view

[Alty]

What's a dem, and ut, and eva, and tats?

Chat speak is against the rules of the site. Please use real words, complete words, write in complete sentences. It's really hard to understand posts with text talk, most of us are over 20 and do not use that lazy form of communication.

Thanks. :)

[xRAPiiDG4MERx]

I think you are over-reacting way too much. I think you are pushing your son away and that is making him have stronger feelings for her. He may like the excitement of 'breaking the rules' and taking a risk. This may be to do with the stealing and lying. Just let him get on with his life. 16 year olds may not be classed as adults but surely if he is mature, he knows what's best for him, and if he's immature, he would be on the same maturity as the girl. So they match. Either way they are good for each other. Personaly I hope I don't turn out like you, in the way you tell your son what to do. They need space and time to grow.