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chris_32786 · Jun 28, 2010, 05:05 PM

Is the reason why people cheat is because they have low self esteem. The reseason why I ask is because I am 24 years old my fiancée which is 22 had cheated on me with a gang banger. We were together for 5 half years and engaged for 4months, I treated her like a queen like a man suppose to treat a women.in the beginning of the relationship her mother through her out the house and left her homeless I took her in her mother call her a , told her she will be nothing in life in the mist of all that she told me she had for gave her . I wanted 2 know will my ex realize the mistake she made by cheating on me with a gang banger

Yosomoton213 · Jun 28, 2010, 07:52 PM

Gang banger... as in a person in a gang? Or was there more than 1 dude involved?

parisrose · Jun 28, 2010, 10:52 PM

I think cheating has many reasons.

But the main one is selfishness.

Jake2008 · Jun 28, 2010, 11:05 PM

Originally Posted by chris_32786

is the reason why people cheat is because they have low self esteem. the reseason why i ask is because i am 24 years old my fiancee which is 22 had cheated on me with a gang banger. we were together for 5 half years and engaged for 4months, i treated her like a queen like a man suppose to treat a women.in the beginning of the relationship her mother through her out the house and left her homeless i took her in her mother call her a , told her she will be nothing in life in the mist of all that she told me she had for gave her . i wanted 2 know will my ex realize the mistake she made by cheating on me with a gang banger

I don't think low self esteem cuts it as an excuse to cheat under any circumstances.

If the cause of the low self esteem is the partner's attitude or behaviour, then there are better options than cheating to feel better about yourself.

She is now your ex as you said.

My advice to you is to let it go. It didn't work out, and it's time to move on.

LJDK · Jun 29, 2010, 04:21 AM

The problem is that you treated her like a queen. Most here will not agree with me, but fact is if you treat your wife/fiance/GF like a queen you will become the "good guy" or the "nice guy" and women still love the bad boy type.

Its scientificly proven. Let me tell you a story. My fiancé seemed distant, things were strange. I became insecure about this. Silence etc. Then one day I decided to not be so nice. Keeping it in moderation I now must admit I don't treat her like a queen anymore, but I don't treat her badly. Just not as nice as I use to. Now she seems much happier, and so am I, because truth is... being Mr. nice is hard work and gets you no where

kctiger · Jun 29, 2010, 08:11 AM

Cheating is a character issue... nothing more, nothing less.

positiveparent · Jun 29, 2010, 08:19 AM

Cheating is more down to losing or lacking ones self control and succumbing to temptations, not so much self esteem.

excon · Jun 29, 2010, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by chris_32786

is the reason why people cheat is because they have low self esteem.

Hello chris:

Like kc said, people cheat because they don't honor their own words. I suppose you could say that they don't think they're worthy of honoring themselves, so I suppose it COULD be a self esteem problem. Probably is, actually.

excon

asking · Jun 29, 2010, 08:26 AM

Someone who is cheating has given up on the primary relationship in some way and has opportunity and no serious commitment to not cheating. Cheaters can be VERY self confident. Or they can have low confidence. I also think there are lots of different kinds of cheating. Some people let themselves get pulled into it reluctantly; others go after it enthusiastically, planning their strategy carefully.

excon · Jun 29, 2010, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by asking

Someone who is cheating has given up on the primary relationship in some way and has opportunity and no serious commitment to not cheating.

Hello:

There are a million reasons to cheat, and only one reason not to - because you said you wouldn't. Commitments don't wear away. Oh, the reasons one made the commitment wears away, but the actual commitment doesn't.

So, if one honors himself, his word, his old lover, and his new one too, he'd END one relationship before beginning another. He might be confident. He might be a wuss. But, he DOESN'T think of himself as a person of any worth.

excon

positiveparent · Jun 29, 2010, 09:04 AM

Anyone can cheat.. .
It take no brain cells to do so.

Not everyone has the character to say no.
That's too difficult..

Or the will power and integrity to know that its disrespecting themselves and their partner..

They know its not right but they just don't care...

We all succumb to temptations of some description,
Its being capable of accepting responsibility for our actions though that counts...

talaniman · Jul 1, 2010, 08:15 AM

Call it whatever you want, doesn't matter why someone cheats, its what you both do about it. I suggest you talk because being treated like a queen didn't much matter, or she was seeing something different.

For sure something is going on that needs correcting, or exploring, or DISCOVERING to help you get through this, as its obvious she is seeing something you don't.

She may realize it was a mistake, but what good will that do? If you don't get to the why of it, and work on a fix, she will probably do it again any way.

Better get to talking, and find out what's really going on with her. Cheating is a selfish act, an easy way out instead of being honest with a partner, and I am curious as to how you found out she cheated. Its wrong whether she was drunk, crazy, mad, or whatever. I sure would not marry her unless you have gotten to the bottom of this. A female that young may just be exploring, or even curious. But those are not excuses to betray a relationship.