[Allheart]

MeeDee,

Really good question. But I have to ask one back to you. Are you trying to prepare yourself for the future meeting with you and your girlfriend? It is only normal and natural to wonder and try and go through what may be said or what she will say and then you try and conjure up a response back. Very normal to want to do that. I would be careful in trying to do that too much.

When you do meet up with her again, you want it to be a healthier you and you don't want to be in "anticapation mode" when meeting with her. You want to be in listening mode and then after deeply listening to what she has to say, you give an honest response back. If this relationship is going to survive and get stronger, honest and open communication will be the only way.

To try and anticaptate what she will say and then try and think, what will I say back, can take away from you being "all there" while you are together. Your mind will end up racing thinking what is the best way for me to repsond, instead actually listeneing to what she is saying and sharing your true genuine feelings about what she is saying.

You may have asked this just because... but I do wonder if there is a connection to your upcoming meeting :)

Clear your mind and thoughts. Think about what you want out of a healthy relationship. Try and not focus too much on what you think she will say and how you should respond.

[Skell]

Had to spread it Allheart but great answer.

So true!

[Wildcat21]

He's not trying gto manipulate anything. He ia actually trying to have a healthy relationship - it wasn't that healthy before this - that's what you guys don't get. His gal controlled everything to an extenet - he was too agreeable.

No woman wants agreeable.

[Skell]

I know the point you are making here Cat, but I think Allhearts answer here in respect to Meedee's thread here is spot on the money!

If he is going to meet with her it should be in an honest and forthright manner. Not with some preconceived ideas of how he shall answer her!

He should be going to LISTEN to her and learn, as well she should be doing the same.

Not coming up with answers for her before he goes! He won't get anything out of the meeting and then there will be no hope of him having healthy relationship!

[valinors_sorrow]

I know the point you are making here Cat, but i think Allhearts answer here in respect to Meedee's thread here is spot on the money!

If he is going to meet with her it should be in an honest and forthright manner. Not with some preconceived ideas of how he shall answer her!

He should be going to LISTEN to her and learn, as well she should be doing the same.

Not coming up with answers for her before he goes! He wont get anything out of the meeting and then there will be no hope of him having healthy relationship!

I think the difference in the two philosophies is essentially this:

One says you can act your way into healthy being. I say that really runs the risk of making you an unhealthy actor. LOL Under any kind of pressure, that "act" will likely fold too. For those who are too afraid to look at self, it is the only option. That fear, by the way is groundless. A cruel joke.

The other one says you have to be healthy first and then you'll instinctively know the right action. Sure this takes longer to root out incorrect thinking and change it but it's a sure fire deal when you get there. For those who look at self and make changes, the rewards are great whether the ex returns or not even.

And everyone here gets to take their pick as to which one they subscribe to.

[Wildcat21]

Yes -great points here.

I just felt it would have been really unhealthy for him to go to the meeting she called for. He wasn't ready at all - he had things to sort thorugh and get stronger.

[MeeDee23]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all your input. I know what I'm going to do. It's time to be who I am and if that doesn't work... then oh well.

I'll let you know how it turns out!

[BIM]

I'm glad your're meeting with her. I think it will clear the your mind a lot and let you know where you stand and where you go from here.

Please let us know what she said.

When do you two meet?

[Wildcat21]

Hey Meedee - so what happened.

Have you gotten together yet and talked?

[starsbooty]

I do agree if you want them in your life tell them, its going to be hard as friends but if that's what you really want... also I feel like why would you still want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and secondly why would you want them back, if it took them breaking up with you for them to realize they wanted you.. f that..

[s_cianci]

I think that saying no in a polite manner like you suggested at the end of your post is the best way to go. Then it's no contact at all whatsoever, so in that regard it doesn't even make sense to call yourselves "friends." After all, you can't call someone that you have no contact with a "friend."

[BIM]

Soooooooooooooooo... MeeDee what's going on??

[MeeDee23]

Soooooooooooooooo....... MeeDee what's going on???

Check out my update...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ion-49970.html