[PeachesJane]

Hi,

Ive been with my boyfriend since mid April (so nearly three months) he's 25 and I'm 19. However, Ive known him for nearly two years though through work. He was seeing another girl for a few months that we worked with, I used to help him with problems in general and any problems that they had as a couple. We got on really well talked a lot and texted.

However, they broke up about 8 months ago, after a lot of bitterness and arguments. I left work in order to attend university, but we still kept in contact and talked frequently especially when they broke up. Eventually, he came to visit me at university, in April after talking about it a lot he also met my flat-mates. We'd spend every Tuesday together because that was the only day he had off work and the only free time I had off from university.

When he first came to see me, we agreed that it would just be a bit of fun, nothing serious because he'd basically just split from his ex and I had just broken up with someone although it wasn't as serious. I then finished my first year at university, and we spent more time together, we never went on dates though, I was going to his or his was coming to mine. On one or two occasions when he came to visit he drank too much and got a bit rowdy and pushed me off the bed and I hit my side and got a massive bruise he was apologetic the next day nothing like that has happened since.

Then, he basically called me his girlfriend with a big smile on his face and has done since so were official and he has said that were in a relationship. He's lovely and buys me drinks and food when we go to the shops, cooks me tea.

We have some really good and deep conversations, he has become more affectionate over time, he's quite shy though which surprised me because his overall persona doesn't give that impression, holding my hand first, compliments me, kisses me a lot, I met some of his friends (so he's not embarrassed of me especially as a lot of people I know have said I can do a lot better looks wise but that he seems to be a nice guy, I find him cute) , we text each other or phone the same amount, cuddles me, he's amazing in bed satisfies me and him, intelligent conversation, similar in personality, caring, were comfortable together. We talk about family and friends and life in general. He makes me laugh a lot and I make him laugh we have a good time together.

BUT... he works three jobs to maintain his lifestyle and only gets two days a week off, which is fair enough to him so he has to balance his time between his family, friends and me, which I'm OK with, however he will say he wants to see me then he will be like but I'm going out or will 'forget' we made plans for us to see each other one night and go out with his friends or I can't get into contact with him, he's done this three times in the past 4 weeks which I have brought to his attention and basically told him that I'd rather him not make plans if he's going to do that and I deserve to be treated better, but he says that I just have a go at him which I don't at all. I feel like he wants me to be waiting around for him even if he has no intention of seeing me and thinks that I have nothing else to do apart from be with him.

We went on a walk together the other day which was rather cute I walked him to work too, we stopped a bit outside and was said oh no I know everyone's going to be funny if they see us together because his ex has a lot of friends at his work still although she no longer works there, so I said fine but I need to go in anyway and so do you but if your embarrassed to be with me walk ahead, so he said no and gave me a big kiss and a hug, we walked in together but not holding hands but we stood and talked for a while about seeing each other again etc.

For instance, yesterday, I went round to his at 11 (he didn't finish work till 10) then we talked watched a film had sex talked more in depth conversation about life in general and where we see ourselves in the future, he said I'm really growing on him and that he " like likes me" and that we should go away together for a weekend or something, he also suggested that we go swimming together at one point although I'm not a very sporty person I happily agreed (although I doubt it will actually happen) we then went to sleep, woke up then he was like oh I have my friend coming round so could you go and then come back tonight, I thought he was kidding but he wasn't, I wasn't impressed! So I went to see some of my friends which are mostly guys I told him that because its better to be open and he said oh its like that is it I was like no you made other plans so I did too I'm not waiting around for you.

I am beginning to feel more like an unpaid prostitute, no dates, going round to his late then going in the morning or the afternoon. He thinks I'm in a mood with him constantly when I'm not at all and asks if I'm OK with him all the time, even if I'm just sat on the sofa relaxing!

I text him after what had happened and said that I hoped he had fun today and said thanks for the sex, he replied asking if I was being funny with him blah blah blah I said I felt like a prostitute because I basically go round late then have sex then ushered out in the morning, he said that he had work last night and that he was sorry for today.

He said that he doesn't get to see his friends a lot but he's seen them three times this week and cancelled me once to see them and had me round on one of the nights after they had gone. He says that he's times gone really fast with me and that it doesn't seem like 3 months and that he's really enjoying himself.

My parents both feel that I should dump him although he's a nice guy but that he's using me, my friends say he's nice and something good in my life. I'm really happy with him otherwise and constantly have a smile on my face. He reminds me of my dad in someways and looks quite similar to him. He's not my usual type, but my usual type i.e. tall, dark handsome didn't work out at all they turned out to be horrible people. My new boyfriend is blonde, tall and nice he seems different to the others. Hes met both my parents and my youngest sister and some of my friends. I have yet to meet his parents, he says his mum would just ask me loads of questions, he's a mummys boy I think. But I know he's talked to his parents about me just to say how its going, the usual things.

I know I can be soft on people (push over), especially if I don't want to loose them and I do get upset because I think he messes me around sometimes. I get that he works a lot. He also said its hard for him to jump from his ex relationship to us now even though its been 8 months or a bit less since they split. He doesn't seem to get how I feel or its not getting through! I don't know what to do. Is it me? Please help.

Thanks from
Jane
Xxx

[PeachesJane]

p.s. he said the other night that he would be heartbroken if I left him, he'd had four beers so that might have had something to do with it. He always has a lot going on in his head especially as he wants a lot of things such as a house of his own new car etc. He says that I'm really attractive, I think I'm about average, others agree with him. He says I don't need as much make-up and that I look pretty with my hair up and loves my hair, although I never have my hair up. I compliment him a lot too. The other day he left for work and I had stayed at his whilst he was at work, I found a shoe box full of things, some of his family things as well as a few things from his ex like a letter and a present. I know I shouldn't of snooped, but could he still like her, he says he doesn't, he doesn't talk about her much, but when I have brought it up in the past he hasn't been overly enthusiastic about her then again he hasn't been bitter about here either! Im just really confused!

[talaniman]

The confusion comes from, I think, that you may have a title but very different ideas about how the relationship is defined.

You may have known him for a while but its quite different when people get intimately involved and learn things they never knew before.

Your interest in each other for different reasons and you seem to be more emotionally invested than he is by far.

He is fine with the way things are, you are not, and make no mistake the sex part has you thinking you have more of him than you actually do. Its only been a few months, and already your confused? That may be a cautious warning that you are moving to fast, and not paying close enough attention to what he is doing, saying, or reacting to.

That's my advice, slow down, and pay more attention to facts, and not just act on feelings. I think you give too much for what you get in return, and you don't understand why that is.

[PeachesJane]

OK well I get where your coming from, I seriously do, but he was the one that defined us first and then for the second time. In terms of learning things about each other, he says that he finds me more interesting then he did and I'm a lot more confident, friendlier and a lot more compatible now. I get attached to people easily and find it hard to let go, I've been told that a few times by numerous people! Im fine with how things are, but its not what a traditional relationship is and my parents keep bringing it up which is in turn making me question things, so confused was probably not the right word to use sorry. :) thanks for the advice though! Like to see what other people think too!

[sully123]

I think you reading way too much into it. Kind of overbearing a little bit. You want too much out of this relationship, and he isn't able to give you that right now. I think you need to back off a little bit, and play hard to get. That will show you how much he cares about you.

[positiveparent]

I agree take a step back and chill, slowly but surely, if you don't you're going to scare him away he will begin to feel smothered, as has been said, let him chase you a little, Men like the girlies that are a challenge, and there's the thrill of the chase.

So let him work for you. If he's made to do a little more to get you he will also probably appreciate you more...

Have a "headache" once in a while, just hope he hasn't got boxes full of anadin lol...

Seriously you're making it all too easy for him, be harder to get once in a while, it'll help keep him interested hopefully...