[baurman]

After being in a relationship and seeing and sleeping with each other almost everyday. I understand how she wanted alone time, and space. Because she would either be working or with me. Never time for herself. She asked me to let her go so she could miss me but I always told her I don't believe in breaks because it's just an excuse for a break up. But I knew begging, pleading would get me no where. All it got me was pity and she kept coming over even though she didn't want too. She felt trapped. And when I finally accepted this, I let her go and went strict No Contact.

It's been two weeks now and I have yet to hear from her. I see her status updates on Facebook, and she sees mine. But other than that, we haven't contacted each other. I'm so confused at how she can go from seeing me every day to just being completely happy without me. I miss what we had. And I feel terrible that I won't be able to fix it. I want to call her so bad just to tell her that I miss her - but every morning I try to fight the urge. I know calling her won't do any good because it's all I've been doing - and now she's finally getting a taste of my disappearance. But it just eats me up not knowing if she's enjoying that I'm gone or actually missing me. Since she hasn't called or text, I assume she is enjoying it. Which is why I'm hurt and I find it's getting hard for me to heal.

I just want to heal and get over her, that's the best route to go. But I don't know why it's so hard for me to just let go and move on. I keep holding onto False Hope, hoping that she will one day call me and want to meet up and talk. I dream of that day. But it hurts to see that it's been two weeks and she has yet to make an attempt to call, when I left everything in her court saying that I will respect her wishes and leave her alone and to give me a ring when she misses me. After two weeks, it's still the same as when we first stopped talking. And I just feel devastated that she hasn't called at all. How can she be so heartless? She said she just wants to be good friends but how can I believe that when she makes no attempt to call me.

I know that she isn't ignoring me because she always came around even after she said she doesn't love me anymore. I was just in denial and allowed her to keep coming around in hopes for that spark to come back, but after a month she still says that it didn't and that's when I ultimately said I was going to enter No Contact as my only hope for her to eventually miss me. But even though at first I was doing No Contact for her to miss me... It hurts too much. I want to get over her that way I don't even have feelings for her anymore. I know that if I call her right now, I will talk to her - but that will only hurt everything I've done for the past 2 weeks. I don't want to ruin this NC. Especially after I left the ball in her court saying "I'll leave you alone, you can call me when you miss me" and she agreed. But that's all I believe that is... is False Hope. And that's preventing me from truly healing, I think...

[talaniman]

Keep doing what your doing. It will get better, and the false hope will fade as you rebuild a life that you enjoy without her.

[Homegirl 50]

She did tell you she wanted to leave and you continued to hang on. She is away now.
What you need to do is just keep living your life. Take one day at a time, the pain will lessen.

[parisrose]

It's been two weeks and she still hasn't called you. I doubt she will. Just continue living your life, stop hoping on her phone call. Delete her from Facebook if its to hard to see her status updates everyday.

Best of luck,

Just remember everyday, that tomorrow it will hurt less.

[J_9]

Let me remind you that you have not gone completely No Contact. For you to do that you will have to hide her on Facebook. You aren't healing because she is still in your life through FB.

[positiveparent]

You really do need to make a clean break for NC to work, by going to her fb page you're not letting yourself heal and move on with your life.

Let her go and move on it's the only option left open to you.

I wish you good luck and Im sure you'll start healing if you do as has been stated in this thread by myself and others.

She isn't being heartless she is being honest.

[baurman]

I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go. To be honest, when we were together, I would always complain that I never actually would see her because she would work and come see me at 9pm but fall asleep. We argued about every small thing, we never really loved each other in the ending months of the relationship. And I don't know why I want that back. I really want to move on. I wish I do. But I know it doesn't happen over night, that's why I'm here for these hard nights, especially tonight being a Friday. I don't know why I want to call her so bad for when I just need to accept that it's over.

I wish she didn't say that she needed "alone time" and a chance to miss me, if all she wanted to do was to break up and move on. I guess I just don't have the closure I want yet. I've been doing good so far with No Contact. Every time I have an urge or an Itch to call her... I always talk to myself and say "I Left the ball in her court. I last said Call me when you miss me. She hasn't called. So if I call her, I will look like a pathetic loser who can't move on and she will see that" -- Once I say this I automatically lose the urge. Because it's the truth. I am waiting for her to call, but every day passes it seems like the chances of her calling me are getting slimmer and slimmer...

[TrueFaith]

Hey baurman.. you want to know the reason why its so hard to let her go?

It's a PRIDE thing :) that's all it is.. You are hurt because she left you. Ir you would have dumped her there would be no post on this site would there,

Even if we are with someone that we really just don't like towards the end.. if they leave us.. its like.. well no! You can't leave me! Why am I not perfect?

It's a normal thing what you are feeling :) stick with no contact and just Keep reminding yourself
The reasons you are missing her.. its not love.. its just damaged pride.

Forget about her calling you. She left you right? Why would you want to be with someone that does not want to be with you

I can tell you know you guys were not meant for each other so let it go and Delet her from F.B must admit I love that site but it can be a nightmare if your trying to stay away from someone


All the best

[positiveparent]

I know what you mean by saying that the letting go is so hard to do, it is and it can be this way even when its you who wants to end the relationship, Ive been where you are and I too hoped I would get a call, even though the relationship I left was an abusive one, I still hoped he would call, I don't know why, I just did, however I resisted the urge to call him, and after a while I missed him less, I thought about him less,and in time I moved on.

I was like this and I couldn't figure out why,however I soon realised that if I had heard from him or contacted him then I would have just gone backwards and wouldve undone the good I may have made in having NC.

I know it is hard and you'll have good days and not so good days and bad days but these will get easier, you just have to try to keep yourself busy, go out with friends, start a hobby. Listen to upbeat music, I found that helped, a lot.

I hope this helps, you're not alone and you can always come here like you've said when it feels really bad.

Im sure you'll do OK, and in next to no time you'll be back to your old self. Best of luck.

[parisrose]

I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go. To be honest, when we were together, I would always complain that I never actually would see her because she would work and come see me at 9pm but fall asleep. We argued about every small thing, we never really loved each other in the ending months of the relationship. And I don't know why I want that back. I really want to move on.

You are upset because you feel she is being mean by not calling you. Even if she called, it would make you feel good in that moment. But eventually you will feel how you explained things were before the break up. Write a list of things you didn't like about the relationship or about her. Every time you think about her or want to call her. Read those notes! You will end up realizing the reality of this situation, and stop thinking of what ifs.

[baurman]

So after not contacting my ex for about a month she starts calling me, but I asked if its about us talking about the relationship and she says No, she's moved on. And having a relationship is last on her priorities, she wants to enjoy the single life. Fine with me.. but then she tries to flirt with me on the phone and says things like "oh i couldn't sleep and i was just thinking about you..." but I'm not giving her an ego boost nor am I talking about reconciling with her. I'm giving off the impression that I'm fine without her. That's my guess is why she's calling me is for an ego boost. I guess since she said she wants to enjoy the single life, the chance for us to reconcile is pretty slim. What good will come out of keeping in contact with her? I don't think anything. Should I just ignore her calls whenever she calls? I kind of regret answering her phone call because now she probably thinks she can just call me and ill be right there to answer her call. I always think about how things would be if we got back together again but what should I do when she calls but not looking to get back with me? I don't want to push her away by being mean to her because the reason she broke up with me in the first place was because she was sick of me being mean and showing that I didn't care.

[martinizing2]

You may have told her you are over her but it doesn't sound to me like you are.
I would suggest you be totally honest with her and if you want to get back with her tell her. But also tell her you want to understand the problems that caused the break up and the two of you work on making the changes before becoming "officially" reunited.

It also sounds like she is giving back some of what you gave her if being mean and not caring were issues. I think revenge is what she wants rather than an ego boost.

You might keep in contact and show her you have stopped being mean and really do care. Especially now that the tables are turned and you understand more of how she felt.

Honesty is always the best policy. In fact it should be the only policy. I hope things work out for you.

EDIT. I missed the first page of this discussion and after reading it I see that I was way off the point. I apologize. As these learned people have stated , no contact is the best thing for you to do. I understand that it is painful , I been there and felt the anguish you feel.
I only wish I had these people to turn to for advice and the insight they can give. I am new here and been constantly impressed by the heartfelt and intelligent insight they offer. It is a sanctuary of sort that will aid in the healing process . I wish you the best.

[redhed35]

Honesty is the best policy,so start being honest with yourself,your right she does not want you,you right she probably just wants an ego boost,your right answering her call puts you back at the beginning of nc,but with an advantage,your have 4 weeks under your belt and you survived,you can do it again and stay no contact.

[sully123]

Every time you answer the phone, it's going to not let you move on. It seems to me she is dangling you at the sideline. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, but she wants to keep on calling you. I would tell her flat on, I am trying to get on with my life, and you keep on calling me. What do you want from me? Take it from there, and then see what happens. GOOD LUCK

[talaniman]

Ego boost for her, or just boredom, DOESN'T MATTER NOT ONE BIT! Ignore her calls, and they will stop, and you both can heal, and move on, and maybe well into the future, after a proper healing, you can be friends.

For now its No Contact! That's not mean, its self preservation, the first law in nature and survival!! Who gives a rats Patoot what she thinks about what you do.

Never forget that you're broken up, and owe her nothing, not even relief from her boredom!

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

[MyBrainIsMyDrug]

It's scary how on this site there's been a few people who came from almost spot on situations as I did, with the only major difference being the # of times with that person...

She broke up with you, she couldn't be straight up from the get-go, that deserves no respect whatsoever... See my situation was both the same and opposite in some ways as yours... I got broke up with but I was the one who knew it was going nowhere and the one that was starting to not want to go over to her place but did anyway, and I was in misery and the only thing that stopped me from breaking up with her again (I broke up with her the last time before that) was a promise... Stupid, I know, but I don't break promises, so in the end she did it. Like you guys, we fought about the smallest things all the time and it was constant stress and just pure ridiculousness...

The way I looked at it initially the day I was broken up with was a sigh of relief and happy I didn't have to put up with the nonsense anymore and the life stress from her. I didn't have to worry, fight, argue or anything anymore. I started not wanting to see her as much by the end and I knew I should've broken up with her but I just couldn't break my promise... anyway, my point is this... The first day I felt relieved, the following days it hit me like a ton of bricks, this was just under 2 weeks ago... The following days I made the mistake of texting her and patiently waiting for a reply and I got them, I wanted to meet in person for that 'closure' you speak of, still haven't, I ended up just stopping texting her completely, to the point I even took the battery out of my phone and got someone to hide it for me... Since I have OCD I would constantly look at my phone as if I was waiting for a message from her... but realized that's stupid and doing the in person thing or even talking to her ever again won't help me in any way.

I agree with everyone in this thread, as usual I agree with talaniman with everything he said except for this "Ignore her calls, and they will stop, and you both can heal, and move on, and maybe well into the future, after a proper healing, you can be friends. "


I don't agree with it because even after a long period, as in years, if you had a long term relationship with someone, and there was real emotions involved in it, deep emotions, its not possible to be friends. You always end up talking about the past and how good things were, never mentioning all the bad things and why it didn't work, and your quick to accept an apology and keep it moving and eventually you fall back into the relationship status with the person again after reminiscing on good times... I'm just a firm believer that its not possible to be friends with all ex's, at least not ones where the relationship was really deeply emotionally charged and it was hell to get over.

[talaniman]

I don't agree with it because even after a long period, as in years, if you had a long term relationship with someone, and there was real emotions involved in it, deep emotions, its not possible to be friends. You always end up talking about the past and how good things were, never mentioning all the bad things and why it didn't work, and your quick to accept an apology and keep it moving and eventually you fall back into the relationship status with the person again after reminiscing on good times.... I'm just a firm believer that its not possible to be friends with all ex's, at least not ones where the relationship was really deeply emotionally charged and it was hell to get over.

NAW!! If you have a life that you enjoy, you can be friendly without getting attached again. Just because you should be more mature, and thoughtful than you were before, to act impulsively on old feelings that reminiscing stirs up.

After a proper healing, you can make better judgments, and have a lot better understanding of how to cope with your OWN feelings.

[Homegirl 50]

I have a very good relationship with the man I was married to for 33 years.
We don't talk about our marriage or feelings, those things are old news. He is happy where he is and I'm happy where I am. We both have a life apart from each other.
Tal is right, proper healing is the key.

[Kitkat22]

She needed space and that was her way of saying. "I want out".
Frankly, I would rather someone say, "I don't want to be with you anymore".

I think it would be easier for you if she had just made a clean break.
You know how she feels and you know you are no longer part of her life.

It's up to you now to move on.

[Homegirl 50]

She needed space and that was her way of saying. "I want out".
Frankly, I would rather someone say, "I don't want to be with you anymore".

I think it would be easier for you if she had just made a clean break.
You know how she feels and you know you are no longer part of her life.

It's up to you now to move on.

I agree