[Homegirl 50]

yes she has no problem with him watching porn, i think she should watch with him with an open mind, if that arouses him then surely it's better that she's there than not and who knows, she might feel the same too.

How do you know she hasn't? She says they had a good sex life, now they don't have one. That's the problem.

[Synnen]

S SID---libidos drain for MANY reasons.

TALKING to him is going to make the difference.

Where are KP and Smoothy when you need them? Excon? Can I please get a guy to back me up?

[CravenMorhead]

S SID---libidos drain for MANY reasons.

TALKING to him is going to make the difference.

Where are KP and Smoothy when you need them? excon? Can I please get a guy to back me up?

Am I not man enough for you?

What she said.

Talking about it will make a difference. Both will know where they stand and why things are happening the way they are. It will also quash the irrational doubts and fears that the OP is having here, or confirm them.

They need to clear the air and talking is the only way that is going to happen. It needs to be a calm, non-sexual, non-confrontational way.

[S SID]

All I'm saying is she should give it a go, she says she doesn't get freaked out that HE watches porn, she never said she watches it too so I'll take it from that that she doesn't, if my partner got arroused by guys in police unifrom and masturbated to piks of them, guess what I'd be doing next weekend?? I be the first to dress up to please her. C'mon girls, all I'm saying is give it a go and if it works great, if not... well nothing ventured nothing gained.

[Synnen]

Sorry, Craven--I knew I was missing you, and couldn't pull your name out of my head.

I'm lucky if I know my OWN name this week.

SSID--she didn't state she watched porn with him--but that she DOES have a problem with him watching it when their sex life is otherwise non-existant. I'd have a problem with that too--if my husband could get aroused to porn but NOT by my initiating it.

She doesn't need to watch porn with him. I quite frankly have no problem with porn, but I'm not going to sit and watch it, either. Not only does it NOT turn me on--I find it to be something of a turn-OFF most of the time. It's funny, not at all realistic, and mentally it's completely unstimulating.

Would you read a romance novel if your woman told you that that was what turned her on? Considering that there are VERY few guys I know that can get into a romance novel, much LESS get turned on by it--I somehow doubt it.

Most women are stimulated mentally, not visually.

Giving in and watching porn with him isn't going to fix their problems. Talking about it will.

[S SID]

Unfortunately most men are turned on by visuals and mentaly, luckily its not you or me that needs the advice, I wouldn't read the novel no, but I'd sit and watch the film with you, an hour and half film or a three day book to get arroused... yes film for sure. Lynn33, give porn a go, you have nothing to lose.

[CravenMorhead]

Sorry, Craven--I knew I was missing you, and couldn't pull your name out of my head.

I'm lucky if I know my OWN name this week.

No worries. Today is one of those days for me. :-)

Would you read a romance novel if your woman told you that that was what turned her on? Considering that there are VERY few guys I know that can get into a romance novel, much LESS get turned on by it--I somehow doubt it.

Most women are stimulated mentally, not visually.

Giving in and watching porn with him isn't going to fix their problems. Talking about it will.

What she said. I will flash my official Male card if required.

[CravenMorhead]

Unfortunately most men are turned on by visuals and mentaly, luckily its not you or me that needs the advice, i wouldnt read the novel no, but i'd sit and watch the film with you, an hour n half film or a three day book to get arroused.....yes film for sure. Lynn33, give porn a go, you have nothing to lose.

False.

Do I need to pull your Male card here?

I require very little in the way of mental stimulus to get turned on. If I am in the right state of mind. The merest hint, a cold breeze through the park or a undone button, of mammary tissue exposed will get me really turned on. Yea. I also tend to Fast Forward through Porns until I get to the good part. I want shagging I don't want to see a pizza delivery guy.

What is required in this case is to find out the why. We have the who, what, where, when, and how; we need to figure out why he rubbed one off there instead of laying his GF. The only way she is going to find that out is by talking to him.

I may be wrong. Tell me how watching porn with him will enlighten her as to why he was masturbating instead of laying her?

[S SID]

Well you pretty much hit the nail on the head, we turned on by visuals though naughty texts or calls stimulate the imagination, it seems he like to watch two women so very visual, I think talking is great, you really think it'l stop him watching porn? Didn't think so, so what has she got to lose by trying porn with him??

[Synnen]

The point isn't that she DOES have anything lose.

The point is that he's watching porn INSTEAD of having sex with her.

The porn isn't the problem. The not having sex with her IS.

Why are you pushing so hard for the girl to watch porn, anyway?

[S SID]

The guy wants a quick release from time to time and most women don't want wham bam thank you ma'am so maybe, just maybe it's better what he's doing than hurting her felling, and before you say that him watching porn IS hurting her feelings then he never acually wanted her to catch him out.

[CravenMorhead]

Well you pretty much hit the nail on the head, we turned on by visuals though naughty texts or calls stimulate the imagination, it seems he like to watch two women so very visual, i think talking is great, you really think it'l stop him watching porn?? didnt think so, so what has she got to lose by trying porn with him????

You didn't even read my post. I am sad.

[Synnen]

The guy wants a quick release from time to time and most women dont want wham bam thank you ma'am so maybe, just maybe it's better what he's doing than hurting her felling, and before you say that him watching porn IS hurting her feelings then he never acually wanted her to catch him out.

What you're missing here---and you are COMPLETELY missing it--is that PORN IS NOT THE ISSUE. At ALL.

The ISSUE is that her boyfriend isn't having sex with her.

[Homegirl 50]

The guy wants a quick release from time to time and most women dont want wham bam thank you ma'am so maybe, just maybe it's better what he's doing than hurting her felling, and before you say that him watching porn IS hurting her feelings then he never actually wanted her to catch him out.

Did you even read the OP post?
He was not touching her but maybe once a month. THAT was the problem. So if he needed a quick release, I don't think she would have mind him coming to her. There is nothing wrong with a quick release from time to time if you're taking care of business otherwise. He was doing neither.

[Cat1864]

Well you pretty much hit the nail on the head, we turned on by visuals though naughty texts or calls stimulate the imagination, it seems he like to watch two women so very visual, i think talking is great, you really think it'l stop him watching porn?? didnt think so, so what has she got to lose by trying porn with him????

From what she has said, he wasn't masturbating because he needed the release. He was masturbating because he was bored. It was something to do. Probably looking at porn was the boredom killer and masturbation followed.

She has said he doesn't normally look at porn or masturbate which is a red flag that his libido is in the tank as much as not having sex is.

I am hoping that this event is marking a turn-around and his libido is starting back up.

If it is or isn't, they still need to be able to discuss ANY matter that concerns either one of them. They should also be able to discuss what turns them on or off. Watching porn of any flavor could be a turn on for him, however, he needs to be able to tell her it is and maybe ask her to join him if he thinks that would help with their sex life. Her asking or joining him without discussion could be seen as putting pressure on him to get in on and could cause him to shut down even more.

[S SID]

I think she should offer to watch with him if that turns him on because there's no way he's going to offer. I don't think a lack of labido means you don't masturbate, I think people do it for many different reasons and not neccesarilly because he's not interested in sex.

[Homegirl 50]

Dude, if you have no libido (sex drive) you're not masturbating either.

[S SID]

Dude you'r a girl, believe me men might not want sex with his Mrs but while he's surfing the net late at night while wifey's all asleep suddenly he gets the urge, gee what should he do, throw one over his thumb or wake up wifey who is likely to be grumpy. I very much doubt he has low labido so much as porn turns him on while wifeys in bed, there the element of risk the he could be caught with his trousers down too, all the more excitement which is probably what's missing.

[Homegirl 50]

That is not what we are talking about. This guy is only doing his girl once a month. That is the problem, and they need to talk and find out why. Be it lack of libido, stress or some physical problem, they need to talk.

Are you married? Do you think married women don't get woke up by their husbands cause they were out at a club and came home worked up or was surfing the net
And got that way?
I have been reading in bed and woke my husband up. It does happen my friend.

[S SID]

Been married twice, 5 children and luckily for me I have a great sex life and still find time to masturbate on the odd occasion as I'm sure my wife does too and if she's tired, stressed, wants an early night or "got an headache" then why not masturbate, if I want to watch the football, too tired, go for a pint then I have no problem her doing the same, it happens. Yes we make time for each other and we do lots together and maybe that's what they need to do, spend time together and find out each others interests and what Really floats there boat, I sense his is porn.