[kenadams]

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months and have fallen in love together. I realise this is not a long relationship but I really do think she is amazing and I have been an awesome supportive, caring generous and thoughtful boyfriend to her. She says she loves me too. I believe her. She is moving to Germany from England for a long period and we originally thought we could make it work. The last few weeks she has been telling me she is missing me when we are not together and loves me very much, very normal as she always has done. However as the move gets closer she has got cold feet and is concerned about being torn between coming to see me in England at the weekends and staying in Germany with her work mates. She didn’t have a long break between her last boyfriend and me who cheated on her and think she has issues of trust or worries of imagining things that in the end turn to crap. She has told me she wants a break because of the long distance thing in the long term but also that she thinks she needs to be single for a while to she how she would cope with it, enjoy it or want a boyfriend again, hopefully me! Think I have been coming on very serious about the relationship as I really do love her but don’t mean to be jealous of her work friends (men) or crowd her. I am afraid I may have been doing this by getting annoyed if she doesn’t call or text during a night out. The main question is how should I deal with it now considering we are not going to talk on the phone for a few says at a time but are still making plans to see each other in a week or so? How do I behave to get her back and keep her, can I?

[JoeCanada76]

Do you live in England?

She is moving to Germany a completely different country.

I would say that it will probably not work out and she is probably trying to let you down easy.

Well you said your seeing her in a week. Do not act crazy, do not act jealous. Just be a friend, because in the end I think that is all that you will be.

[talaniman]

I think you helped her get over her last relationship, and now that she has she is ready to party. In other words you were a rebound, and she will always be grateful to you for the help, but unfortunately you have fallen in to deep to get out.

Let her go, and do your own healing now, so at least you will have clarity of thought without the intense feelings that have grown within you.

That means not making it worse by continuing to hope for something that may not happen, and that's where cutting contact with her, thereby setting you both free without the guilt, is your best option.

It also keeps you from making a nasty, clingy, begging pest of yourself, and you can keep your dignity, and self respect, and HER respect for YOU.

Wish her well and disappear from her life.

[kctiger]

Wish her well and disappear from her life.

This is often quoted and I think it desrves much more attention. While at first it may come off as cold hearted to do this, hindsight being 20/20, I wish I would have done this many times before.

When a person tells you they want a break, the BEST thing you can do is respect their wishes. While it is natural to fight back and claw you way into their lives somehow, it isn't mature or respectful. I agree with Tal here. While it is hard, let her go, let her live and if years later you two meet up again, then go from there. Just because she is going to live life without you, it doesn't mean you can live life without her as well.

[kenadams]

For the post above, I thank you very much. I have come to realise that maybe she was using me unknown to her to get over her ex and although it was good times at times, really I know that she just wants to be on her own now. Thanks kctiger for giving me that hope that I am still clinging to that one day it will be again me and her but I know that holding onto that hope will subside over time. Maybe another time for me and her but you are all right that it is certainly not now and I am aware too that it may never be. Thank you for your posts.

[kenadams]

So my girlfriend were together for 11 months and we went on a break for 3 weeks then split up. She said she loved me but needed to be on her own. She then kept in touch calling posting things on face book and then a full album of pictures of me and her which she didn't do while we were together. She came to support me at a race I was running in and still tries to stay in touch. Any one know why? To fill a gap while she looks for someone else? To make it easier for me? Easier for her? Or just because she is confused and is worried she has made a mistake? Maybe she is worried that I will find someone else? Let me know what you think please!

[Ash123]

Don't rush back. She is testing to see if you can be friends at a distance, and keeping options open. I'd stay real busy. Always be super nice when she gets in touch, but don't change your schedule for hers. If she thinks you can survive without her, she may just want to survive more with her. I am not a big fan of the halfway romances - and sure you are not either, so I wouldn't think of her romantically unless she pushes it. Truth is, if you can date other people until she steps up - or not.

[lickemlolly]

Sounds like she may have some underlying issues that she is not clear on and is trying to sort them out.. More rather it sounds like she doesn't want to leave you but she has something she is trying to work out.. Did you discuss with her the reasoning for her needing to be by herself or did you just leave it at that... Sounds like you are unclear of why she broke it off... Was it not working or is she going through something else.. Its probably important you know that so you know better how to handle this situation..

[kenadams]

Thanks guys/girls. Yea she does have some issues she needs to sort out but I think she just has always been a relationship with only 2 months between them for the last 10 years since she was 16. She needs to be on her own I think so she can do her own things, ski, train and not constantly thinking about someone else, I have had that feeling too in other relationships. Sometimes you do just want to focus on you. Think it really was good, she said I was the best boyfriend she had ever had, she did seem very confused but she also said she really loved me. It was all just a little to serious for her and she didn't want to miss doing something she wanted to do to come and see me. I don't know, I don't want to cut contact and push her towards someone else. What do you think?

[talaniman]

For now she has nothing else to do but keep you close, but betting as soon as she gets her feet under her socially where she is she will be contacting you less, and less. She simply doesn't want you to move on, and she knows how to do it. By making you think she will change her mind and take you back.

You know guy, to be honest, most guys would NOT put up with being dumped, and led on, especially from a distance, and if she is still in contact, why have you not questioned any of her actions, and gotten some very clear answers, instead of assuming, presuming, and wondering, and hoping??

Still waiting until she comes back, eh?! Then what after she leaves again?

In the meantime, what are you doing with your life, as for sure it ain't healing and moving forward.

[Kitkat22]

Don't wait for her. Move on. I think she's not going to be in your life. Don't call her. Don't be a doormat.