[vjackso4]

My boyfriend works at a strip club, what should I do?

Well my boyfriend works at a strip club too. We startd dating in 2005, and he was not working he got a job at a moving company in which he made about close to 200 bucks a week, then by early 2oo6 he was offered a job by the owner of the strip club who knew him well from nephew. She actually called because he was indecisive about taking the job in the first placce because by then we had not been talking a year yet. But we agreed together that the money she offered would be good so he started work in 2006, and he has been therre every since, except for 2008 when she fired him for the bartender complaining that he is outside more than in. So she called him back late 2008. I have visited the club several times because he invited me, and I had come to know some of the strippers there. In late 2006 he started getting strange calls on his cell and if I answer the person will hang up, I'll call back but the voicemail picks up but the call bck tone is always feminine. I didn't sweat it at time I didn't have a reason too, and I trusted him and respected him so much, at that point. In 2007 we moved into a house, I got another call on his cell, and these girls was like describing him and said they had met him in da mall the day before, they even said what he wore that day. He took over the call, place them on speaker, and told them they were lying, after I calm down I thought about it and I said to myself well he left here that day with that outfit on but he went to work and my cousin went with him, so the girls didn't admit where they knew him from , but they did apologize and admit that they did not meet him and they didn't know he had a girlfriend. So by that time he was upset, he called the bartennder who worked with him and told her, and she excplainded to him and me that she was sure that it was someone from the club because he lets anyone use his cell phone, so he and she planned to shut off the music that niht when all the girls come in and call the number back. They did, and what do you know it was a girl from the club, so instantly he and the bartender called me and they made the girl get on the phone, she explainded to me that she got his number through someone else phone, we argued and she started crying and apologizing. And did I mention I was pregnant at this time. So time went on, then in 2008 while he was fired his cell phone broke, so he had to transfer all his calls to my cell. He had told, me the day before that he had ran into the boyfriend of one of the strippers mothers the day before, in which they exchanged numbers because the guy wanted to buy his weight bench, so he ave the guy the number. So two days later I get a call to my cell in which a female ask for another female but the way she asked sounded as she just made up a female name because she was not looking for me to answer the line. Well I called the number back I asked her was she sure she was looking for a female or was she looking for rob, she then asked was this jessica (which is my name) and I said yes, she said who she was I said I knew her from the strip club and then she said well I wanted to tell you that rob and I (stripper) have a baby the same age as your baby but a month apart. I was hurt my heart dropped. She said that she had been looking for him and she sent a message by someone to tell him and stated that robs response was negative. She invited me to see the baby, at this time my baby was 14months and her baby was 1 month younger. Rob came home I didn't say anything at first until I got the keys and got in the car, he said that that's the same girl who was calling before and that to wait he wanted to go with me. I did not let him go, because I wanted to find out more, to see the baby, to not let him make up an excuse, and another reason wa because she told me that she now dates the police who was working at the strip club with my boyfriend at the time and so because I knew this guy, he was one of the people who offered us a house to rent that his mother owns, I was like what is going on, he and my boyfriend was cool at one point. So being that she told me her address I realize that she lived in the same area the police boyfriend of hers controlled during the day. So I went with a friend who lived nearby, she brought the baby out, and as I mentioned my baby was older by a month, and was not walking. She brought a toddler from the back room, who walked and was as tall as a almost 3 year old. We talked she asked me for his real name because she only knew him by his nickname (rj), and I did not give it to her I told her if she got the goodies without me she'll have to get his info without me. So I left, but before I left she told me she had gotten his number through her stepfather who had saw him that week. I asked her why she waited so long because she worked there up until he got fired. She said she did not want to screw up our relationship. So once I left I startd thinking, hmm, I visted the club while I was pregnant because I kept the car and he had to be picked up, and it hit me, she was working, butt naked that girl was not pregnant. So I realized that there was something bigger going on. She asked me to tell him to call before I left so they could discuss the child, he called when I got home and he asked her why was she calling making up lies. She got extremely mad, and said that "rj you know what it is" whatever that means, and told him don't call her number back, I called her back to see about the situation and she cursed me out called me all types of names and threaten me. She told me that her boyfriend (the cop) pulled my boyfriends arrest record somehow and she already has his real name and she was filing childsupport asap. Well to this day we have not gotten any papers in the mail. Although I feel as she lied about the baby, I kept asking him what was going on, did he lead her on, did he actually sleep with her, because it had to be something, because she even told me places they had sex and she told me that they had sex during the time he was working both the moving company and the strip club. She said that they had sex when the moving company let him off early. To this day, I cannot trust him, I still have not gotten to the bottom. She stated that I could go ask anyone at the strip club who works there because everyone knew, I did just that, everyone said that the chic was crazy, sold her body, and even got her other child's father arrested at the strip club by calling him to the place and making a complaint once he got there. As I mentioned earlier they rehired him, he really needed the job because I was the only one working and a fulltime student and there was no one calling to hire him, not to mention his unemployment was low because she paid him in cash and in paychecks. His mother had recently returned the car she had cosigned for because I made the ppayment but I had loss my job because I couldn't get to work, because she took the car because he was a week late on his car payment and she did nt want to lose her job as a bank manger if her credit score was lowered, in which she had made his payment but she wanted her money back immediately so actually his payment was paid on time she took the car and blocked it in, under her carport until we paid her. So we really needed extra money. But we discussed him going back, the girl didn't work there anymore, so he went. But still I was not OK with it every day he went to work I hated it. Then guess who comes back as a stripper, she was rehired the night he was off, the stripper. He said he was going to quit, because if she was to say anything to him he ad no control over what he may do. A few days went by he said she did not say anything to him, she didn't even pay her tip out to him, but to the bartender. So the day I took him to work after the girl had gotten rehired a boyfriend of a stripper who worked there came up and said " man who hired that **&#H back" he explained to me and my boyfriend that his brother was the bouncer there after my boyfriend was fired and that the girl called his brother phone and told him and his brother's wife that she had a baby with him, shocking huh? We were like what, she did the same thing to us. I said to myself this girl is crazy. So I started visitng again, and a few times she and I was in the bathroom at the same time and I spoke to her she acted like she did not know who I was. But after I left she told all the girls in the club that I pushed her to the floor in the bathroom, I was like I know this chic is crazy! Because I didn't touch her. A few other saturdays me and a friend went ot the club and the other dancer said every time I come to the club she gets scared and want dance, so as Iwalked in the club she was getting on to dance, she looked and saw me and stpped got off stage. The next weekend she did not show back up for work and has not been back since. Can someone tell me what is really going on? Although I see that she is a liar, something about it still makes me distrust him. I had never loved anyone like I love him, but at the same time I have never distrusted anyone the same either. I didn't question his trust until I started getting these calls. I have also notice that as long as he works there, I don't have as much as respect for him being the main provider here. I know that we discussed him returning but he returned in December of 2009, and he don't seem to be looking for anything else. Not to mention, although he always liked to dress nice, he seems to have to always have on something new nad a bit expensive for a one day outfit, since he has been back to work. I tryu to tell him, that since the owner is paying him all cash now, if she fires him, there is not going to be unemployment, as a way to have him save money. He has stopped spending so much money on clothes everyday. But he seems to be caught up in that nightlife, almost seeming happy to go to work, I told him if he hated the job so much, why not look for another one or attempt to at least call and check on the other applications he put in before he was rehired. He sleeps all day because he ets off from the strip club about 3:15am, but he only sits there and control the crowd. I have put up with this job for a while now and I am at the point where I can't take it anymore... Please some advice... I have started smoking cigarettes and I have never been a fan of cigarettes, I see myself in a position that I have never thought to identify with...

[Ash123]

Go and get a lap dance?

Ok, kidding aside (sort of) Are you saying you don't like it? I can understand why, but
It's his job right now. And you are dating him. So, unless he plans to go get his PhD in applied physics, this may be what he will be doing for a while... If you want him to quit, you may have to wait until your leaving is worth more than the money he makes. Have you suggested anything else? How does he take it? What else has he done? What do you do?

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sure it is a good story but I will be honest almost no person here is going to read a novel. Can you somewhat give us the basic facts.

Boyfriend works at strip club, who cares who gave him a job,
Why is it a problem ?

[sully123]

Way too much to read! Bottom line, if your not happy with the relationship and you feel you can't trust him, then leave it.

[jmjoseph]

Please give us an outline. This is way too long for most of us to get the "meat" out of.

Did he cheat?

Do you trust him?

Do you love him ?

Will he ever quit this job that he says he doesn't even like?

[vjackso4]

Sorry about the length...
Boyfriend works at a strip club since 2006
Girls begin to play on his phone, he says he don't know how they got the number
Same girl called in 2008, says she's has a daughter with him the same age as mine
I went to see the baby, not his baby
But, he probaby still slept with her, due to how she was acting and crying.
I don't know if he has cheated, but the girl who was doing the calling also worked as a stripper at the club
I have trust issues now, because he says she's lying, and she says he is lying.
Found out by another visitor that she did the same thing to his brother who worked in my boyfriend place while he was fired during the yr of 2008.

[vjackso4]

@jmjoseph... yes I love him, I slightly distrust him because of this issue that was never resolved. I don't know if he cheated because of this issue.


@ash123... well he verbally claims that he wants better, but he don't go out searching for a better job. He claims his crimnial record from when he was 19 (10yrs ago) is holding him back, but yet he still does not try.. I have suggested other employment and he agrees. I work prn in-home patient care, I'm a fulltime student (double major) and the issue is that I think that he cannot make a career out of being a bouncer for this hole in the wall. I wish I could tell you guys more w/o it being a "novel".

[jmjoseph]

I have a good friend who is a DJ in a very successful strip club.(His wife is a former stripper, and is cool with the whole thing). He gets paid well. I ask him how he can stand to be around all of those beautiful, naked, women. He says "after a while it doesn't bother you".

I say as long as I have testicles, a naked little honey, who has no problem with showing all that she has, and knows how to move it, will always stir my blood. No way could I be around that all the time and hope to remain faithful to my wife. I simply choose not to be put in that position. As an addict(in recovery), I would no longer accept the position of working in a pharmacy, after hours, than I would be a "woman-loving man" working in a strip club. But that's just ME.

If you don't trust him, it could be for a very good reason.

If he loves you enough to stay with this relationship, and do whatever it takes to make it work, then he'll shelve the excuses and go find another job.

At all costs, you need to look out for yourself, and your child. Stop smoking NOW. If you didn't smoke before this, then quit today.

I don't care if he makes $100,000 a year, if it's killing you inside, then he must quit working there.

Good luck.

[DoulaLC]

If it is going to cause problems for your relationship, encourage him to keep seeking other employment. Check the help wanted ads yourself for him. He has the experience, what keeps him from even finding a different sort of club to work at? He can get a new phone, restrict who he gives the number to, and stop letting other people use it.

The girl at the club sounds like she just enjoys causing trouble for people. Others have told you nothing happened, that she's crazy, and you know she even tried the same baby ploy with the other worker there. As for the other baby, a paternity test could easily put the issue of who's the daddy to rest, but it sounds like the child she has is older than she claims and isn't his anyway so hopefully that will help ease your mind a bit. Regardless, the girl is trouble... he needs to understand that and get a different job. At least she hasn't shown back up so maybe that will be the end of it and things will calm down now. When he does leave, he should cut the ties with the strip club and anyone he knows from there. Too much drama with other people's mothers, stepfathers, boyfriends, nephews, whatever.

Maybe you will see him in a new light and regain your respect for him. If you feel it won't really change things... then leaving and cutting your loses might be what becomes necessary.

[excon]

Hello v:

I might add that if he's going to stray, he'd stray if he worked in a shoe factory.

excon

[Ash123]

I would focus on your career.
The better your career gets the less you'll need a guy with his career...
Not sure if that makes any sense, but a start.

[vjackso4]

Thanks jmjoseph

[talaniman]

You have little choice but to concentrate on what you do with your own life and leave the drama of his job alone. If he doesn't improve himself for his family, I think it will be very clear what you should do about it.

If you make progress, and he can't keep up, well the decision is yours to do what you have to, for you, and your child.