[tm889706]

After dating for a year, my boyfriend said he felt pressured (not by me, by society) to make our relationship serious. He wasn't ready for this and didn't think he was over his divorce. He wanted to take some time to work through it--so we broke up. I'm 32, he's 36 and we're both divorced from long term marriages where our spouses cheated. For the first time, he told me he loved me and had considered marriage with me, but he didn't know what that meant. I said I loved him too--I do.

I asked him for a month of space to think about things and get perspective and after that we could be friends or see if there was more. Now, the month is over and we've been talking every day and going on dates once a week for the last few weeks. He and I have both asked each other. We're awkwardly affectionate around each other like the beginning of a new relationship, but there hasn't been any french kissing or sex just hugging, pecks and cuddling. He's supportive of my career, offers to help me move, wants to know everything I think and shares his most intimate thoughts with me. He is trying to work through his issues.

Last night we cuddled and kissed (closed mouth) and talked for hours, but he won't spend the night or have sex. I told him I thought that he longed to be close to me but that he had a ton of confusing thoughts swirling around. He said this was true and that he's tired of being the single guy around all his married friends.

My question is:
1. Is there hope/likelihood that we will officially get back together or I am deluded that this relationship will work out and I need to just move on?

2. If there is hope for us, do you have any tips to help me be patient with him? I'm so anxious for it to work out I want to move forward with him now.

Thank you for your thoughtful answers.

[sully123]

Both of you went through some rough times with horrible divorces. You might of healed faster than he did. Its OK for him to feel like that, he sounds like he is afraid to get close again, because he was hurt bad. Take it slow, and just enjoy his company and the time you spend with each other. He sounds like he cares a lot about you, but is just proceeding slow. Don't pressure him, he will come around, in time.

[tm889706]

Thank you for your perspective.

[Ash123]

SPACE!

ASAP!

Read my break up guide. He is testing himself - and maybe you... He and you have seen what responsibility a marriage can be. If it is to be, you will only know after the clarity of a little space... don't panic, it is likely for the best to get perspective. You are not kids which is good, so see how feelings go.. and let him see you can walk away too :-)

[tm889706]

I already took a month of space. Are you saying I need more?