[Alty]

Hi AMHDers.

Has anyone else noticed that we've been getting a lot of relationship questions from children 10, 11, 12 years of age?

What is going on in this world that children are dating? I'm a mother of an 11 year old son and I'm not old fashioned, I'm not religious, I don't believe in holding my children back, but on this one point I am very firm. An 11 year old child has no business dating in my opinion.

I realize that these kids probably have no concept of what dating really is, and their version of dating is probably a very far stretch from what dating, or what being in a relationship, really is. Still, the fact that these kids are posting here saying "I have a problem with my boyfriend" or "I think my girlfriend is cheating", just scares the beejesus out of me. A boyfriend at age 11? Shouldn't they still be playing with dolls?

Maybe I'm behind the times, maybe someone can explain to me why this is happening, why we're allowing it to happen. Or maybe you disagree and think it's okay for children to date.

Whatever your opinion, I'd love to hear it, people of all ages, because I truly don't understand, and I want to know if I'm overreacting or if anyone else feels the same way I do.

So, should children date? What's your opinion?

[aimee_tt]

Im 21 and 10 years ago I did not want a boyfriend.

I don't know what's happened but kids are trying to become adults!

Probably doesn't help that kids are developing faster due to what we have done to the environment.

Parents should have a rule like my mum did. No dating till your 16 and don't date anyone you so to school with!

[Aurora_Bell]

I remember very clearly what it was like when I was 14. I was into boys, they were into me, my father was not in to any of it.

I voted "it's up to their parents".
I remember how frustrating it was not being able to date, but I also remember lying and sneaking around to see boys. Yes I know, I was a bad child. It was no way my parents fault, but how many of us have seriously said we were on place A but were really in place B?

I know I wouldn't want my daughter dating at 14, but I also don't want her to lie or sneak around. So if it was something like going to the movies, with me or another parent dropping off and picking up, or maybe going to the mall or out for dinner, I would rather my daughter tell me what she is doing, than be doing this or far worse behind my back.

As far as 10, 11, and 12 year old kids dating, I think it's sad that they can't just be friends.I think there is so much pressure for "relationships" and every where you look TV, movies real life, these kids are dressed up like adults. I remember playing with barbies at 11! My best friends step daughter is 11, and she wears a padded bra and make up!

But I also remember the neighbor boy asking me to go ice skating when I was 11. I wore my best tights and curly laces, and even crimped my hair! Was it dating?

[Aurora_Bell]

Oh crap I just went back and re read the title. It says people under 14... Yea I change part of my answer to "no" they should be having play dates not real dates.

[aimee_tt]

I wore a training bra at 13. That's when I started getting bumps. Before that I wore crop tops!

I hate makeup! I refuse to wear it. But I did have to wear it for dancing at a young age for stage shows. But I never wore it on a daily basis and as soon as I got home from a show I would shower and wash it all off! I wasn't a tom boy, I was a girly girl but I hated glitter, make up and sequins!

My 8 yr old cousin was over about 2 months ago. She was wearing a Mini skirt with a singlet she had folded to show her belly and she had blue eye shadow and red lipstick. I asked her mum, was she trying to prostitute her off and she said.. No she wants to be like the Bratz dolls.

[Alty]

But I also remember the neighbor boy asking me to go ice skating when I was 11. I wore my best tights and curly laces, and even crimped my hair! Was it dating?

And this is why I hope some of these kids come and post, explain to us what they consider dating, what they do with their girlfriends and boyfriends. I'm really hoping it is just like your outing at 11, going skating, being excited, but that's it.

Maybe I'm reading too much into the posts by these kids. When someone posts that they are having boyfriend problems, I assume that they mean boyfriend, not a kid that they sit next to in class and eat lunch with, and maybe hold hands, but a boyfriend and everything that goes along with that.

That's what scares me. When they use the term boyfriend or girlfriend, what does that consist of? If it is what I'm thinking it is, then at 11 years of age, they're not ready, IMO.

I'd let my son go skating with a girl, no problem, that's fine, but calling that girl a girlfriend, dating, anything other then high fiving each other at the bus stop, not okay with me.

Before anyone thinks I'm some kind of prude, not at all. I dated at 14 and trust me, I made most adults look innocent. That's why I don't agree with kids dating, because I was a kid, I did date, and I paid for it.

You only have a small time in your life to be innocent. One day these 11 year olds will regret giving up their childhoods so quickly.

Besides, at 11, boys should still be icky. Don't they have cooties until their 21? ;)

[Fr_Chuck]

Sadly I remember one day at the pool last year, a young girl who would be considered well built by 18 year old standards came over to talk to a friend of mine, she was barely wearing anything.
After she left I asked about her, and they said it was another friends daughter, I said, a daughter that old, and they said no, she was 12. And after this year of working some in the schools, many of the 12 year olds don't look like 12 year old any longer,

This is one danger in why older boys are starting to look at them I think

[adthern]

Personally, I think it is very dependent on the individual child and that hopefully the parents are the ones who should be in the best position to make that decision. "Dating" can mean differen things so I say its up to the parents.

I would be weary as pointed out by Arora... if kids feel they are ready or need something and you blanket deny it they may end up sneaking around behind your back to get it anyway... then all you have done is lost control.

Just In my opinion

[ZoeMarie]

OK, let's see. I was somewhere around 12 or 13 when I had my first "boyfriend." We called each other boyfriend and girlfriend because we liked each other, but we never spent time together outside of school. We certainly weren't kissing or anything. We didn't do anything but talk on the phone for hours all the time. So it might be just that these kids are throwing the words around but don't really mean it. Gosh, I hope so. LOL

[Wondergirl]

It's the movies and TV and the music industry. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." And parents are scared of their kids. The parents don't want to be the Bad Guys and say "No" because then the kids won't like them any longer.

We need to start licensing parenthood after six years of training classes in which prospective parents have to earn A's and B's and pass a rigorous final exam. I'll be a teacher.

P.S. Soon smoking will get to be more fun, even for youngsters. The tobacco companies are going to start selling fruit and candy flavored cigarettes "to attract more women smokers."

[jbarnes1985]

I voted no but 10 years ago I would have said maybe. 10 years ago we didn't have every TV show teachings kids what dating is. If you where to take a poll on what kids favorite show is they would say something like Family Guy or South Park. Shows these days teach kids that sex is okay, or tell kids that drugs are bad but in the next sentence tell them how fun they are. I had one pregnant teen in my school now its common for a kid to get pregnant. So the longer we can keep them away from dating the better.

[Kitkat22]

I was still playing with dolls when I was eleven.. (That was right after the Hindenburg Disaster)... No really
My girls didn't dare ask to date before they were fifteen.

We let them bring their friends here at sixteen on Friday nights.
They left at eleven. They didn't car date until they were seventeen
And it was a double date.

[Aurora_Bell]

I am not saying I am going to win the mother of the year award, but I sure do hope that when they use the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" they mean what I thought it meant at 11. And that was some one to go ice skating with. Kind of like Zoe, but opposite, we didn't hang out at school, but we went ice skating every Saturday for 3 years lol.

[Aurora_Bell]

It really worries me to think what it's like now, imagine what it's going to be like in another 10 years.

[justcurious55]

I was 14 when I had my first "boyfriend." it lasted about three weeks, no kissing, just hand holding and going to the movies. But he dumped me because he thought I was too prude. Looking back, I wonder why the heck I was allowed to go on dates with him at all.

Aurora, I can't count the number of times I said I was in one place when I was really in another. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have children of my own.

[Kitkat22]

It really worries me to think what it's like now, imagine what it's going to be like in another 10 years.

Bella.. the way you speak of your daughter.. is wonderful. You are a good mom and you will be when it comes to making these decisions. Good moms have a natural instinct to protect their children.. you'll do great.:)

[Aurora_Bell]

Thanks Kit! :)

[Wondergirl]

It was funny. My younger son Jeremy "loved" his cute, red-headed classmate Jan in Pre-K. Years later, Jan and my older son worked as pages (book shelvers) at our local library. That's when he fell in love with Jan. There must be something about Jan...

And she's still single.

[hheath541]

I didn't have my first date or boyfriend until I was 16. I wasn't even sure it WAS a date, until after it started. The only reason we ended up dating was because I couldn't think of a good reason to tell him no. I liked talking to him and hanging out, so I figured why not.

It lasted just over a year.

I dated one other guy in high school. It was a blind date set up by a friend, and I never saw him again.

I wasn't in another relationship until I was 19 and in college.

I am well aware that I was a late bloomer, at least as far as relationships were concerned. Physically, I matured early. I reached about 5'6" by the time I turned 12. I started wearing training bras when I was 8-9. I started my period when I was 11, and was regular right off the bat.

Now, just because I had the beginnings of a woman's body at 12, does NOT mean I was ready to date. I had absolutely no interest in boys, or girls. Boys didn't want to have anything to do with me because I was a girl. Girls didn't want anything to do with me because I was a tomboy. I was too busy burying my nose in books to take notice of the people around me.

Even at 16, I wasn't really ready for a relationship. I was lucky and ended up with a really great guy. We were together for more than a year and never did more than kiss. I wasn't ready for more, and he never even tried for more. I think I saw him shirtless all of 2-3 times, and that was only because of quick changes between scenes in plays. I'm not sure he ever even saw me in a tank top, let alone something actually revealing.

The idea that kids not even in their teens yet are 'dating' is just absurd. The idea that they're doing more than holding hands on recess, is worse. Playing together, hanging out, going skating or to the park together, going to the movies. Fine. Be friends. Be KIDS! Too many kids start dating too young, and end up having kids of their own.

[aimee_tt]

I did the whole say I'm going A but go to B. But that was because My sister was nosy and if I said I was going to my boyfriends she would spit the dummy. So mum knew when I was lying.

I think if your fair with your children they will be fair with you. Until I got my license the rules were I could go where I wanted (within reason) as long as she or a trusted adult could drop me off and pick me up.